No need to hold my hand

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Actually, this coronavirus is a blessing in some way for me. My free time from work is now extended to April 13. That means it’s also during my real holiday, which is Easter. No need to hold my hand because I always know what to do. It’s the same if I didn’t have a part-time job. The only thing that it’s different is that I still get paid. Another thing is that no one wants to shake your hand. I never really understood why you have to do that when you meet a new person anyway. The same with the hug thing. Then there are fewer crowds around and you can walk around in peace. I’m not a person who likes to show emotions in public. It depends on what it is though. Couples holding hands is another thing. Are they afraid they get lost from each other or what. I just see no pointing in it. Kissing in public is also gross. Each to their own. Personally, I wouldn’t do it in public no matter how much in love I was. You can tell someone you care without touching.

I don’t need to hold anyone’s hand when it comes to choices. I’ve chosen to go my own way and not depending on friends or classmates. I’ve studied things I wanted to study and not what others have wanted. Some teenagers who went to high school only because their best friend did. But I could never have done that. By the time I was 17 I wanted to get out of school. High school wasn’t for me. Besides, I hate reading and I hate Math too. I prefer doing things which is one of the reasons why I’ve chosen to study creative things. Even though was first education was in healthcare but I only went because my mother said it was at least something. I’m actually grateful for that now. Otherwise, things could have been different. Some people would probably say, at least you would have better job opportunities if I’ve continued to study health care instead. But I hate needles and not a fan of blood either. I always thought you should study things that interest you and not because it pays well or there are more jobs available. I will rather be unemployed than be in a job I don’t like. I don’t why you should be pushed to do something you know you’re not suitable to do.

Advice is always welcome but I rather do my own decisions. I’m not driven by money or ambition. I’m driven by independence and feeling good about the things I do. There is no need to hold my hand. I can found out things on my own. Maybe I need guidance at first but then I can do it by myself. Maybe not when it comes to writing articles or making leaflets about events at work though. I’m still not confident enough when it comes to that. I still haven’t got used to the workplace ways of doing things. Learning that is now on hold because of this crisis we have in the world at the moment. Who knows how long that will take. I don’t need any hand-holding to that either because bacteria are everywhere and washing your hands after you touch stuff is no brainer. Certain people just don’t see the obvious so you need to hold their hand. Metaphorically speaking of course.

My ponder years

person with a question mark
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First of all, I had the flu so I was tired to blog much. I still have some of it left but it’s getting better. Secondly, I’ve been busy doing something else but that’s beside the point.

The job interview I went to last week. I don’t think I got the job because I haven’t heard anything from it. But what else is new. This really has been a ponder year again. When one thing is finished, you should have another plan. I had ponder years before and I always managed to do something. I applied for employment training but no word from that either. I won’t be very disappointed if I don’t get that. I’ve changed my mind about that since I applied. It’s about coding and among other things which I don’t like that much anyway. It’s typical of me to get excited at something but then changing my mind about it. I ponder about different things for a long time before I decide anything. This time I both applied for a job and for the education I mentioned. But now the excitement is gone.

It’s the same with life choices I’ve made. I ponder and then decide but then I realise it’s not something I want to do after all. I want to focus on different things but I get no experience from anything because no one wants to give me the chance. Things you learn in school is not the same as you learn from life. I don’t ponder about why I’m not wanted because it’s not my fault people find me uninteresting. I don’t care what people think of me anyway. I can only be the person I am. I don’t find quilt in what I’ve chosen to study or how to live my life. I haven’t felt any pressure to be something I’m not. A lot of people do things just like that but someone in this world needs to be the ponder one. Problems with people today is that they don’t ponder about things a bit deeper anymore. They run around like they’re pants were on fire. Soon computers do all the thinking and humans walk around like zombies.

Sometimes you need to ponder about things deeper. Especially when it’s about important life decisions. Like something about your future or at least near-future plans. No one can make them for you. Your decisions might not please everyone but you’re not doing it for them anyway. You need to look out for number one, yourself (or your family if you have one) What’s outside that is second importance. Ponder about that.

Life is a smorgasbord

small chocolate cakes

Smorgasbord (a.k.a. buffet) is not only something we eat on Stockholm cruises everytime we go. It’s also life. It’s all about choices. There is a lot of them and sometimes we don’t like the choices we make. Or we don’t know what to take because everything looks tempting. The other is to have enough courage to try something new.

I wish I could be like how Anthony Bourdain was (RIP) He was never afraid to eat what he was offered. He always tried something new. I could never do it. I’m very picky about food and I’m always reserved for trying something new. Once I was brave enough to try sushi which I would never have done when I was younger. I didn’t like the food but at least I tried. I’m not only picky when it comes to food. I would want to be brave like Bourdain but with career choices. I’m probably the most indecisive person there is. I just think and think but I’m too much of coward to do anything about it.

I’ve had a lot of ideas about what I wanted to do. I was at the smorgasbord of career choices but there were just too many things I wanted. Or too many boring choices. I was too concentrated on what I wanted to do so other people have gone past me on the life train. Age is nothing but a number and it doesn’t mean experience. Some 20 years old can have more experience than me. I might have more life experience but it doesn’t mean I’ve tasted life more. In some things, I can be more experienced but not when it comes to jobs. There’s a big gap in my work history. The employers would probably think what I’ve done all my life if I hadn’t studied something. Now I still don’t have a job so some people would probably think something is wrong with me. Well, so what? No one is perfect. There’s is no time machine so I can’t go back and change my past.

There is a choice on the smorgasbord of career choices and that’s entrepreneurship. I’ve been to the course and found information of it by myself. I even have a business plan. So what am I waiting for? Mostly courage I think. It’s so hard to start anything when you have so much else to do. Maybe it’s because it’s summer and holiday season so I just wait for Autumn. The only thing I know I’ll do is the graphic design course. For now, I just want to explore the smorgasbord of freedom. I think about those other things later.