My ponder years

person with a question mark
Made in Canva

First of all, I had the flu so I was tired to blog much. I still have some of it left but it’s getting better. Secondly, I’ve been busy doing something else but that’s beside the point.

The job interview I went to last week. I don’t think I got the job because I haven’t heard anything from it. But what else is new. This really has been a ponder year again. When one thing is finished, you should have another plan. I had ponder years before and I always managed to do something. I applied for employment training but no word from that either. I won’t be very disappointed if I don’t get that. I’ve changed my mind about that since I applied. It’s about coding and among other things which I don’t like that much anyway. It’s typical of me to get excited at something but then changing my mind about it. I ponder about different things for a long time before I decide anything. This time I both applied for a job and for the education I mentioned. But now the excitement is gone.

It’s the same with life choices I’ve made. I ponder and then decide but then I realise it’s not something I want to do after all. I want to focus on different things but I get no experience from anything because no one wants to give me the chance. Things you learn in school is not the same as you learn from life. I don’t ponder about why I’m not wanted because it’s not my fault people find me uninteresting. I don’t care what people think of me anyway. I can only be the person I am. I don’t find quilt in what I’ve chosen to study or how to live my life. I haven’t felt any pressure to be something I’m not. A lot of people do things just like that but someone in this world needs to be the ponder one. Problems with people today is that they don’t ponder about things a bit deeper anymore. They run around like they’re pants were on fire. Soon computers do all the thinking and humans walk around like zombies.

Sometimes you need to ponder about things deeper. Especially when it’s about important life decisions. Like something about your future or at least near-future plans. No one can make them for you. Your decisions might not please everyone but you’re not doing it for them anyway. You need to look out for number one, yourself (or your family if you have one) What’s outside that is second importance. Ponder about that.

Life is a smorgasbord

small chocolate cakes

Smorgasbord (a.k.a. buffet) is not only something we eat on Stockholm cruises everytime we go. It’s also life. It’s all about choices. There is a lot of them and sometimes we don’t like the choices we make. Or we don’t know what to take because everything looks tempting. The other is to have enough courage to try something new.

I wish I could be like how Anthony Bourdain was (RIP) He was never afraid to eat what he was offered. He always tried something new. I could never do it. I’m very picky about food and I’m always reserved for trying something new. Once I was brave enough to try sushi which I would never have done when I was younger. I didn’t like the food but at least I tried. I’m not only picky when it comes to food. I would want to be brave like Bourdain but with career choices. I’m probably the most indecisive person there is. I just think and think but I’m too much of coward to do anything about it.

I’ve had a lot of ideas about what I wanted to do. I was at the smorgasbord of career choices but there were just too many things I wanted. Or too many boring choices. I was too concentrated on what I wanted to do so other people have gone past me on the life train. Age is nothing but a number and it doesn’t mean experience. Some 20 years old can have more experience than me. I might have more life experience but it doesn’t mean I’ve tasted life more. In some things, I can be more experienced but not when it comes to jobs. There’s a big gap in my work history. The employers would probably think what I’ve done all my life if I hadn’t studied something. Now I still don’t have a job so some people would probably think something is wrong with me. Well, so what? No one is perfect. There’s is no time machine so I can’t go back and change my past.

There is a choice on the smorgasbord of career choices and that’s entrepreneurship. I’ve been to the course and found information of it by myself. I even have a business plan. So what am I waiting for? Mostly courage I think. It’s so hard to start anything when you have so much else to do. Maybe it’s because it’s summer and holiday season so I just wait for Autumn. The only thing I know I’ll do is the graphic design course. For now, I just want to explore the smorgasbord of freedom. I think about those other things later.

What I prefer

orange post-it

I used to make a list to me about which one I prefer the most. It could be a colour, a person or just about anything really. I did it for fun. I drew 3 boxes on a paper. The middle was neither way or both. A bit like the one on the photo above. This time I’ll do it differently so here we go.

Blue or White

Blue. White makes me look pale. Blue is also my favourite colour. When I was a child I used to stay in the swimming pool until my lips were blue. I liked it that much. But that’s just a fact about me so that’s not the reason why I like the colour the best. My eyes are blue too.

Comedies or Romantic movies

Comedies definitely. The only romantic movie I like is ‘Sleepless in Seattle’ I think romantic movies are too boring for my taste.

Loki or Thor

This is a difficult but maybe Thor. I have this love/hate feelings towards Loki. I find him irritated but yet if he wasn’t in the Marvel movies, I wouldn’t care much. It’s also because of Tom Hiddleston. Later on that.

Instagram or Pinterest

Pinterest because it’s more versatile and you can use it better on the computer. Instagram is kind of new to me. I’ve only had it a couple of years. The problem with it is that you can’t post there from a computer. I use it more for looking at other people’s photos than posting my own.

Dark hair or Blonde on men

Tall, dark and handsome. Cliché but so true. I’ve always fancied men with dark hair. In the end, it doesn’t really matter what hair colour they have. It’s about the person anyway.

Cat or Dog

Neither but if I had to choose it would be a cat. I used to be terrified of dogs but I guess time heals. Cats are more independent so you don’t have to take time out for a walk few times a day. I’m actually a bunny person. Those were to only ones I dared to touch. Even though when I see photos of both on Instagram, I could almost get one. I don’t have the time or money to have a pet though.

Tom Hiddleston or Channing Tatum

This is a no-brainer. Tom obviously. I’ve never understood the Channing fascination. I never found him attractive in any way. I don’t know much about his acting skills since he makes movies I don’t care much about. He had a small part in the Johnny Depp and Christian Bale movie ‘Public Enemies’ but that’s all.
Tom on the other hand, wow. I could talk about him all day. I tell you a secret. He’s (and Lee Pace) the inspiration for my poems on this blog. I never thought I would like him this much as I do now. That’s what you get when you stare too long. Acting skills and appearance etc.

Summer or Winter

Winter because of snow. When we get it that is. Some people think it’s too cold or too dark but it suits me much better. Summer is too hot and too light. Summer is good if the weather is mild and it gets darker later. I still prefer winter though.

Lastly but not least.

Walking or Running

Walking. I hate running. It feels like my legs are falling off. It’s sweaty too. I have sensitive skin so it begins to itch and I get a rash. It’s very unpleasant. I also hate being in a hurry. Walking is much nicer. My walk is usually fast-paced but sometimes I walk slowly too.

So that’s what I prefer. Feel free to comment or ask something if you need some clearance of what I wrote. Maybe some of you like the same things or maybe you have something to add. If not, I hope you enjoyed this blog post.