My ponder years

person with a question mark
Made in Canva

First of all, I had the flu so I was tired to blog much. I still have some of it left but it’s getting better. Secondly, I’ve been busy doing something else but that’s beside the point.

The job interview I went to last week. I don’t think I got the job because I haven’t heard anything from it. But what else is new. This really has been a ponder year again. When one thing is finished, you should have another plan. I had ponder years before and I always managed to do something. I applied for employment training but no word from that either. I won’t be very disappointed if I don’t get that. I’ve changed my mind about that since I applied. It’s about coding and among other things which I don’t like that much anyway. It’s typical of me to get excited at something but then changing my mind about it. I ponder about different things for a long time before I decide anything. This time I both applied for a job and for the education I mentioned. But now the excitement is gone.

It’s the same with life choices I’ve made. I ponder and then decide but then I realise it’s not something I want to do after all. I want to focus on different things but I get no experience from anything because no one wants to give me the chance. Things you learn in school is not the same as you learn from life. I don’t ponder about why I’m not wanted because it’s not my fault people find me uninteresting. I don’t care what people think of me anyway. I can only be the person I am. I don’t find quilt in what I’ve chosen to study or how to live my life. I haven’t felt any pressure to be something I’m not. A lot of people do things just like that but someone in this world needs to be the ponder one. Problems with people today is that they don’t ponder about things a bit deeper anymore. They run around like they’re pants were on fire. Soon computers do all the thinking and humans walk around like zombies.

Sometimes you need to ponder about things deeper. Especially when it’s about important life decisions. Like something about your future or at least near-future plans. No one can make them for you. Your decisions might not please everyone but you’re not doing it for them anyway. You need to look out for number one, yourself (or your family if you have one) What’s outside that is second importance. Ponder about that.

Advent Calendar, Day 16

Christmas elf draw
Made it on Illustrator CC 2017

School is over for this year and holiday has begun. I’m really glad it has. The whole semester was maddening. I learned to code but it’s been hard. I’m actually thought of quitting the whole education. I was so frustrated because I couldn’t learn. I still get confused. It would be easier if I did the planning and designing and someone else could do the coding. I don’t know if I’ll never become a web designer. The reason I applied to it was because there were no jobs in photography and I wanted something else beside that. I never thought it would be this hard. At least I got this far. I got my first client and got more experience from that. Even though I never got the site ready, at least the client was satisfied.

It’s so good to be home. I’ve never liked living in a dorm. The walls are thin so you can hear people talking. Some people have no respect for rules. It should be quiet at 10.30 pm but they’re still making noise after that. I can’t understand how they can go to bed late and still wake up at 7 am.
Then the internet is really slow so it’s difficult to blog. Luckily I could write in the class room after school. In the dorm you never know if the internet works. It’s really frustrated when you write something and then you get cut off. That’s what happened with a post I wrote earlier this week. I wasn’t sure if it got posted or not but I had the tablet so I could look if it had. I then decided I would write in the class room. We usually have school until Thursday but today we had a Christmas party and Christmas lunch so I only came home today. I was so relieved it was finally over for this year.

This Christmas will really feel like a real holiday. I’ve been stressing and working hard so I deserve one. I won’t think a single thing about web design and coding this year. Me and dad are going to Riga on Christmas again so I don’t need to think about food or anything. The only Christmas food I’m gonna make is ‘joulutorttu‘ (Christmas tart with prune jam) The rest can someone else do. I’m just gonna enjoy this well-deserved free time.