My life right now has no direction. Whatever I do or go, it’s a dead end. It’s controlled by the employers and the employment office. Try to align a life when you’re not given a desired direction. I should apply for one job each month, and I’ve done so. But they are open applications, so it’s only a thank you for it, and that’s it. You can’t get a job with that. Not in the line of field I’m in, at least. Maybe if you want to work in a store or a ‘normal’ job like that. It’s challenging to even find a job to apply for. They want people with work experience and with a super portfolio. It makes me feel like a loser, even if I don’t think I am. But that’s what a job search feels like. I don’t think I want to work in a company for several years anyway.
I try to live day by day and wait for the day I know things will happen. Next week it’s the filmmaking course and then later in the summer two pop concerts. There is no point in thinking about things that might not happen. Other people can’t take away the direction I want to go. I don’t want my life to be aligned because that’s boring. Ultimately, I choose in what direction to take my life, and no one can take that away.
Being brave doesn’t mean doing anything crazy, like rock climbing or stuff like that. You can be bold by talking to others or writing about something you like. I don’t see myself as a brave person. I’m more of a thinker than a doer. I’ve been thinking about entrepreneurship for some years, but I haven’t been brave enough to do anything about it. I like to be in my comfort zone.
I bravely went to my first concert in 2017 when I saw Robbie Williams. I never thought I would go to any concert when I was younger. I didn’t like being in crowded places. Now I’ve been to two, and I’m going to three shows this year in another city. Now that’s what I call brave, in my opinion. I’m going alone too. For some, even going to the movies alone scares them, which I don’t get. Doing things alone is much better than having someone there saying, I don’t want to go. Or any other complaints. When I go and study in Helsinki, I always go out alone at lunch. I can do some sightseeing at the same time. As an introvert, I like to be alone to collect my strength. So that’s how I am brave, doing things alone. That’s something not everyone can do.
It’s not that I’ve had a busy year. On the contrary, it’s been quiet until October, when my filmmaking studies at Helsinki Design School started. The assignments aren’t as complex and time-consuming as the graphic design course. There is a lot of writing and analysing of movies. Two meetings in a row, we had about directing and screenplay writing. The latter is the most exciting subject for me. I’ve studied it before, so it’s a bit familiar. This week we had about casting, where two Finnish professional actors told us about the actor’s point of view of the movie and television business. They also played a scene that one of the students had written. There is a big difference between amateur and professional acting. An ordinary person goes through the script quickly, but a professional actor takes the time and, well, acts. This education has been fascinating and will continue to be so when the next meeting is in January. There won’t be a break in the assignments, but they’re not stressful, so it doesn’t matter.
If this year was quiet, I wouldn’t have that in 2023. Besides my studies, I’m going to a few concerts. First, the Robbie Williams one in March, and then in July, Pet shop boys. But wait, there is more. A sudden, surprising twist occurred. It was something I didn’t expect. My teenage dream will come true on June 27, 2023. The British band, Take That will come to Finland. The tickets will go on sale tomorrow (Monday 19th). They were here 29 years ago. My mother didn’t let me go at the time. I can’t let this chance go by. They’re a trio now when they were 5 at the time. I’ve only seen their concert in the movies and on television. It’s much easier to buy concert tickets nowadays, so I’m sure I’ll get a ticket. There will be a busy week at the end of June and the beginning of July 2023. First, Take That and a week later, Pet shop boys. So a lot of travelling next year.
Before all the above, Christmas break is upon us. I’ll be going on a cruise to Tallinn with dad. Maybe I will still post on this blog this year, but that will be after the holidays. In January, the Bloganuary begins again, which I will participate in. If I don’t write here this year anymore. Have a jolly good Christmas, and give peace a chance.