I have recently taken part in a few challenges on Behance and Instagram, so I haven’t had the time to blog. The first one mentioned is an Adobe Illustrator challenge. The other is a typography challenge which is once a year and for 36 days. There is a letter (and number later on) every day. You can use any tool you like and any way you want. If anyone is interested, you can see my work over here. There is a lot of great work other people have done. You can use the tag #36daysoftype on Instagram. The one of Behance about Illustrator has been a lot of fun, and I’ve learned new things. It ended last Friday, but the videos are still there. I also tried the Photoshop one, but I didn’t have time to do that too. There is also a chat on Discord where you can get feedback. That’s very important because graphic design is a learning process. You are never ready. Not only graphic design but also other things in life.
It feels like I’m always late. It took me years to find what I was looking for. I’ve tried different occupations, but I have never found something I felt passionate about. I wanted to do something different. Money hasn’t been a motive for me. I rather do something that makes me feel good. I want enough money so I can afford to live. I don’t believe in that having a job that pays you well. I will rather be without a job than be in a job I don’t like. During those years where I thought about what I want to do for a living, most people already found their things. I feel like I’m only starting out even if I’ve done things for years. I don’t know what my working title is. I have never had a graphic design job where I get paid, so I don’t know if I can call myself a graphic designer. I have only had clients in web design, but that was part of the education. Having a portfolio is an important thing in creativity. Looking at other people’s portfolios, it feels like mine is plain. I don’t have much to show, only school work. If I started with graphic design earlier, I would have something to show. You can’t go back in time. It’s not too late to get something done. You only need enough confidence in yourself. You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, but it isn’t easy. You still feel you’re not up for it. It doesn’t help either when you don’t get hired anywhere. Not even an internship.
On Discord, there is a chat about creative careers where you can post your Behance portfolio. Then you can also get feedback. There are a lot of great work people have done, and then there is me. It’s a bit of an embarrassment because mine isn’t that great. I don’t even dare to introduce myself because I don’t feel like a graphic designer. Even if the first time I studied graphic design in 2009. But I wasn’t doing any of it after 2011 when it ended. The same goes with web design, but I don’t want to do that after all. Another thing is what kind of projects would I do. It seems that a lot of people have branding and visual identities. Trying to be different from other designers is difficult. My confidence in becoming one myself is soon gonna break into pieces like glass. I’m running out of options. I probably will never get a job. I hardly get any follows on social media, so getting those in the professional won’t be easy. I don’t think I will get “discovered” on Behance or any other portfolio places. My path to becoming a graphic designer started too late, and it’s only in my head that someone would hire me for my work. I shouldn’t give up, though. We all go through different paths, and there is no right or wrong way to become something you want to be.
For some distance is a big problem during these times. Some might get depressed they can’t meet their friends or family. We are all different. But for me, there is no problem. I’m not overwhelmed at all. Maybe I’m missing my workmates but it’s not the end of my world. I can’t understand people who are addicted to other people. I’ve survived without human contacts for years so why complain about it now? I actually like it when people keep a distance. I’m such a lazy person so I don’t feel like going out. I don’t know what’s so bad about being home anyway that people want to leave it. Besides this thing that is happening in the world right now won’t last forever. If people would only keep away from other people but I guess it’s too hard for some. Distance is the word right now and people should respect that because then things will never get better.
If I find something overwhelming I don’t do them. In school, Math was something I was really overwhelmed by because I thought it was hard. I hated the whole subject. Then you just had to go through it but now you don’t need to. I think all you need to know how to add up and all those basic things. You don’t even need those because there are calculators so you don’t need to count in your head. You don’t even need to buy things with money. You have a card for that. If I pay with money I pay with a banknote. Which is the reason why I have so many coins in my wallet. I dislike counting money at the checkout so I rather not do it. I do it before that. But mostly I pay with a debit card because it’s the easiest way. My card has a contactless payment so I don’t even need to touch anything. Some people pay with their phones but I don’t really trust that system. I can’t probably download any of that on my phone anyway. I rather use a card.
Another thing that I find overwhelming is how to describe myself to others. Or just to get to know people. So I keep my distance because I don’t want to disturb others or giving the wrong impression of me. At least I did in the past. It really depends if I feel confident that day or what kind of people they are. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel uncomfortable at all at my current job when I first got there. When I keep my distance some people might think I’m shy or that I don’t like people. I could say the same about them. Why don’t they contact me? Why must I be the first one? I get the picture they don’t even want to get to know me. Maybe I’m boring in their eyes. They’re the ones who have an attitude and not me. As you get older you don’t care what others think. As long as you know yourself is all that matters. Distance doesn’t affect me. Actually, I welcome it. The worst thing is people who are too clingy and can’t stay away from other people. They’re the ones you should be worried about.
This is what the word trust came to mind. It’s a quote from the TV series called Sledge Hammer. He always said it but things went wrong. If I said it I would really mean it. I usually don’t know what I want so I would be lying. When I know I want I really mean trust me I know what I’m doing. Like I know now what I’m doing at work. I want more job experience so I can get more confidence to become an entrepreneur later on. I realise more and more that waking up early is not my thing. I want to wake up when I feel like it and I don’t mean sleeping all day. I want to choose my own schedule and not being at work at 9 am sharp. Now I have to wake up after 6 am so I don’t get late for work. My job is 4 hours and 50 minutes but it’s the waking up early that makes me tired. I have to take a nap in the evening because of that. Which is the reason blogging might not happen that often right now. Except for the holidays and Sundays. Trust me I know what I’m doing. And I really meant it.