I have recently taken part in a few challenges on Behance and Instagram, so I haven’t had the time to blog. The first one mentioned is an Adobe Illustrator challenge. The other is a typography challenge which is once a year and for 36 days. There is a letter (and number later on) every day. You can use any tool you like and any way you want. If anyone is interested, you can see my work over here. There is a lot of great work other people have done. You can use the tag #36daysoftype on Instagram. The one of Behance about Illustrator has been a lot of fun, and I’ve learned new things. It ended last Friday, but the videos are still there. I also tried the Photoshop one, but I didn’t have time to do that too. There is also a chat on Discord where you can get feedback. That’s very important because graphic design is a learning process. You are never ready. Not only graphic design but also other things in life.
It feels like I’m always late. It took me years to find what I was looking for. I’ve tried different occupations, but I have never found something I felt passionate about. I wanted to do something different. Money hasn’t been a motive for me. I rather do something that makes me feel good. I want enough money so I can afford to live. I don’t believe in that having a job that pays you well. I will rather be without a job than be in a job I don’t like. During those years where I thought about what I want to do for a living, most people already found their things. I feel like I’m only starting out even if I’ve done things for years. I don’t know what my working title is. I have never had a graphic design job where I get paid, so I don’t know if I can call myself a graphic designer. I have only had clients in web design, but that was part of the education. Having a portfolio is an important thing in creativity. Looking at other people’s portfolios, it feels like mine is plain. I don’t have much to show, only school work. If I started with graphic design earlier, I would have something to show. You can’t go back in time. It’s not too late to get something done. You only need enough confidence in yourself. You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, but it isn’t easy. You still feel you’re not up for it. It doesn’t help either when you don’t get hired anywhere. Not even an internship.
On Discord, there is a chat about creative careers where you can post your Behance portfolio. Then you can also get feedback. There are a lot of great work people have done, and then there is me. It’s a bit of an embarrassment because mine isn’t that great. I don’t even dare to introduce myself because I don’t feel like a graphic designer. Even if the first time I studied graphic design in 2009. But I wasn’t doing any of it after 2011 when it ended. The same goes with web design, but I don’t want to do that after all. Another thing is what kind of projects would I do. It seems that a lot of people have branding and visual identities. Trying to be different from other designers is difficult. My confidence in becoming one myself is soon gonna break into pieces like glass. I’m running out of options. I probably will never get a job. I hardly get any follows on social media, so getting those in the professional won’t be easy. I don’t think I will get “discovered” on Behance or any other portfolio places. My path to becoming a graphic designer started too late, and it’s only in my head that someone would hire me for my work. I shouldn’t give up, though. We all go through different paths, and there is no right or wrong way to become something you want to be.
First, some good news. I passed the driving theory test yesterday. After Easter, I’ll get in touch with the teacher to schedule the driving lessons. There are 4 hours of it, and one part is in a simulator. I haven’t driven a car in 26 years, so I think I start with that one. I’m a bit nervous about that because I’ve never been in one. Maybe driving a real car can be the same. When those are done. Then the only one left is the driving test. I hope I’ll pass that the first try, but I doubt it. If I’m lucky, I will have a drivers license before my birthday in June. What a great birthday present that would be. If you have a little patience, things will follow. I wish I had it in other things too. Patience that is.
Since I was a child, I’ve been a bit impatient. It’s not. Get me things at this right moment. It’s more about giving up too easily. I wasn’t the best student in school. I had issues with certain subjects. Math was one of them. I had tutoring lessons in it. If you’re not good at something, you don’t like doing it. They say you can learn to become better at Math, but I’m not that excited to learn. You must like it to have enough motivation. I rather learn something else instead. As long as you know the basics and understand the value of money, you don’t need to learn all these Y plus X things. Unless you want to become a scientist or something like that. I never understood why you should learn other than how to count this plus this. The same with calculating things in your head. That’s what calculators are for. Math is like coding; I hate both of them. I make many mistakes, and then I just want to give up because things are too difficult.
I don’t know why I bother, but I’ve yet again applied for education. This time for an education called Code Academy. They teach you, that’s right, coding. I probably won’t get in. It’s a recruitment training program. There is a job-learning part where you can work for a company, either a workplace they find or a place the student can find. Only if someone wants the student to work for them, then you get chosen for the education. The problem with education is that you get your hopes up and search for information about the occupation. Then you won’t get chosen anyway. Even if you do get in, you still won’t find a job. So what is the point with educating yourself, besides learning something new? You get no job experience in your field no matter how much you study. It’s silly to start a new career when you haven’t even got anything from your current one. I want to do so many things, and most of them are connected somehow. I always studied creative things, so changing the path to another direction is needless. If it’s neither writing a job application or applying to a school, I’m never good at explaining in words about me and why I want things. I won’t expect too much about this education I applied to. The same with the job application for an IT support person. I don’t know enough of the technical stuff when it comes to computers. I’m not a a novice, but I’m no expert either. In coding things are different. I have studied it and used it too, but it doesn’t mean they will pick me for the education.
I don’t make goals at a certain time. For example, with the driving school. I can only hope I get the license before summer, but I won’t promise the exact date. It depends on so many things. I don’t know when I will get a driving lesson. The teacher said when she called last week that their schedule will become busy after two weeks. Then there is the driving test. The driving school is far from over. I have enough patience to get the licence in my own time. At least I’m closer to achieve it.
Actually, this coronavirus is a blessing in some way for me. My free time from work is now extended to April 13. That means it’s also during my real holiday, which is Easter. No need to hold my hand because I always know what to do. It’s the same if I didn’t have a part-time job. The only thing that it’s different is that I still get paid. Another thing is that no one wants to shake your hand. I never really understood why you have to do that when you meet a new person anyway. The same with the hug thing. Then there are fewer crowds around and you can walk around in peace. I’m not a person who likes to show emotions in public. It depends on what it is though. Couples holding hands is another thing. Are they afraid they get lost from each other or what. I just see no pointing in it. Kissing in public is also gross. Each to their own. Personally, I wouldn’t do it in public no matter how much in love I was. You can tell someone you care without touching.
I don’t need to hold anyone’s hand when it comes to choices. I’ve chosen to go my own way and not depending on friends or classmates. I’ve studied things I wanted to study and not what others have wanted. Some teenagers who went to high school only because their best friend did. But I could never have done that. By the time I was 17 I wanted to get out of school. High school wasn’t for me. Besides, I hate reading and I hate Math too. I prefer doing things which is one of the reasons why I’ve chosen to study creative things. Even though was first education was in healthcare but I only went because my mother said it was at least something. I’m actually grateful for that now. Otherwise, things could have been different. Some people would probably say, at least you would have better job opportunities if I’ve continued to study health care instead. But I hate needles and not a fan of blood either. I always thought you should study things that interest you and not because it pays well or there are more jobs available. I will rather be unemployed than be in a job I don’t like. I don’t why you should be pushed to do something you know you’re not suitable to do.
Advice is always welcome but I rather do my own decisions. I’m not driven by money or ambition. I’m driven by independence and feeling good about the things I do. There is no need to hold my hand. I can found out things on my own. Maybe I need guidance at first but then I can do it by myself. Maybe not when it comes to writing articles or making leaflets about events at work though. I’m still not confident enough when it comes to that. I still haven’t got used to the workplace ways of doing things. Learning that is now on hold because of this crisis we have in the world at the moment. Who knows how long that will take. I don’t need any hand-holding to that either because bacteria are everywhere and washing your hands after you touch stuff is no brainer. Certain people just don’t see the obvious so you need to hold their hand. Metaphorically speaking of course.