Tag: dreams

Book still to finish

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Finnish version of Lord of the rings book
Photo: Mia 2026

My dad bought me the Finnish version of the book, The Lord of the Rings, for Christmas. I don’t remember what year it was, but it was years ago. It was probably the time they did a movie version of the trilogy. He read the book in one night.

Me? I still haven’t finished reading it. I tried, but then I found it long-winded, and I stopped. I tried again once, but I still didn’t finish it. Now, years later, I’ve started to read it again. Recently, I’ve tried to read one chapter each day, but it’s slow. I just don’t have the patience to read thick books. I prefer movies. After you seen the Lord of the Rings movies several times, reading the book isn’t very tempting. I’m in The Two Towers book right now. This time, I will finish the book. No matter how long it takes.

I have books that I got from my mother and a few books from my cousin. Those were children’s books, such as stories by the Brothers Grimm (Hans and Gretel, Sleeping Beauty) and H.C. Andersen (The Ugly Duckling). I got the book ‘Heidi. Courage Mountain’ from my mother. It was based on a Charlie Sheen movie from 1989 with the same name. I’ve read that book a few times.

I used to tell my dad about what I had dreamt about during the night, so he bought me a book about dreams and what they mean. It’s a bit of fun, and I don’t take the book seriously. It’s interesting to know what the dreams might mean. My dreams can be weird sometimes. The book has different words, for example, if you dream about a person or a place, then it says what it might mean.

I don’t buy books; I go to the library. I own books that I have read a few times. They’re mostly biographies and books about the movies, The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit. I have a library card, and I have read more books than I have in my adult life. I don’t read thick books. I prefer books that are easy to read and short. Recently, I’ve been reading Finnish comic strip books.

I have a bookshelf, but it’s more of a storage for other things than books.

Peter Pan never grew up and I won’t either

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plant growing
Photo by Gelgas Airlangga on Pexels.com

There are different ways to grow—in height, sideways, or mentally. In this case, it means what I want to be when I grow up. I don’t want to grow up because you need to stay childlike in your mind. Peter Pan didn’t grow up, and I won’t either. Life is a long learning process, and you’ll never graduate from it. You only do adult things because who else would do them. Some things you have to do, like paying bills or other responsibilities that come along with it. The worst thing about being an adult is looking for a job and thinking about what to do when you grow up. It’s easier if you already know from a young age. For some, it takes longer.

I have had dreams, but they have never come true. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Since I have never had a big dream come true, I have small ones. Life didn’t turn the way I imagined it. When I was a teenager, I thought I would have had a family at 25, but then I thought I would meet the pop star I had a crush on. I also thought I would move to England, but that didn’t happen. My priorities have changed since then. I’ve had dreams after that, too. I wanted to become a Formula One photographer, but that dream was unrealistic. I have spent my life thinking about what to do, and some might think I’ve missed out on what other people have been doing. But you can’t miss something you’ve never had. I didn’t want to be like everyone else, and I am happy with my choices. Some people are meant to be married, have 2,3 children and have a career, but that’s not me. I’m Peter Pan, for crying out loud. Well almost.

My current dream is not to be a job seeker. I hate looking for one job each month and then reporting it to the job search people—I don’t know what these people are called. They expect me to look for something that doesn’t exist, as I would get a job by applying to one. The whole job search is unpleasant because it’s a waste of time and energy. There is only one I should answer for, and that’s me. I don’t want anyone to follow what I’m doing, and if I don’t do what they want, they punish me for not doing enough. By punishment, I mean taking the benefits away. If you don’t apply to jobs they think you don’t want any. It’s not about wanting; it’s about having the possibility to get a job. I don’t want a job to have something to do during the day because I have plenty to do. I want to do something that has a meaning. Life is too short to waste on something you’re forced to do. I’ve had internships where I didn’t want to be, but it was good to have because I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I got at least some job experience, even if employers don’t see it that way. My late mother always used to say you have to start somewhere, and I did. They still want me to apply for jobs that should be offered to young people who don’t know what they want. If I was 18 or more, jobs like that would be OK. But I want a real job with actual pay. I have diplomas that going to waste, and I didn’t study to fill my head with information. I want to put it to good use.

If you have the opportunity to do the things you want, you should do them. Therefore, I’m seriously thinking about becoming an entrepreneur because I want to be useful and make my own schedule. I don’t want to be stuck in this same spinning wheel for the rest of my life. I’ve thought about this for a long time and don’t want it to be a thought only. Nothing happens overnight, and I’m already working on it. This Peter Pan will fly and show you don’t need to be fully grown up to be who you truly are.

Failure is not an option

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failure is not an option
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Ever had the thought that no matter how many times you try, you feel like a failure? You don’t get the attention you’re looking for. When no one else believes in you, giving up is easier. But nothing would be new if everyone thought the same, and the world wouldn’t have evolved as it is. Everybody won’t become great inventors, but we can do something about our lives. You can either work for others, or you can work for yourself. The latter is the hard way, which scares or worries people, including me. I don’t want to fail because that’s not an option. I don’t have time to start over again. That’s one reason I haven’t taken the step I wish to take, the fear of failure. I’ve failed in different ways. Whether it’s been education or finding a job. Certain things you can’t do yourself, like getting a job. That’s more about luck than failure. I’ve been luckier getting into a school I applied to than getting a job. They say you have a better chance of getting a job if you educate yourself, but in my experience, that isn’t true. Maybe it’s true in some occupations but not in mine.

My biggest fear the most is not being able to pay the bills if I become an entrepreneur. To be paid for a job, you need clients. It’s easier to search for a job but that haven’t happened to me, so I’m seriously thinking about becoming one. I’m already active on social media and have take courses about different approached to online marketing. But my worry is that despite doing what needs to be done, I still don’t get any clients. Am I wasting my time and should I forget about it? Maybe my business plan or dream clients doesn’t exist? What if I’m not good enough because I don’t have work experience and that’s the reason I don’t find clients? Those are the questions I keep asking myself. I don’t want to take the risk to have a business, if I have to wait couple of years to make a profit. Then a job with someone else would be better or being unemployment with benefits. Fortunally, with good planning and good confidence in my skills it won’t take that long. You don’t need to struggle with problems alone because there are people who can help.

I know I work better in an environment that I can control. I’ve been to workplaces where I didn’t feel I belonged. I don’t want to do a job I don’t want to do. Life shouldn’t be about doing things you’re not meant for. I believe you should follow your dreams even if they seem impossible in some other persons eyes. There are always people who hope you fail but that’s because they’re not brave enough to do anything about their own hopes and dreams. When my late Dad worked for another company before he started his own, there were people who were jealous because he made more money than them. But that didn’t stop him from doing a job. He started his company in 1990 and quit at least 2 years before his death this year. He had his ups and downs financially, but his occupation was different from mine. He was a goldsmith and that was an uncertain business. I followed from the sidelines how having a business worked, so I know how it is. He could chose his own hours and that’s more my style too. I’m not meant to do 9-5 jobs and people breathing down my neck. I want to be able to be myself and not try to act to be someone I’m not.