Laughter is one of my favourite things. Without that, life would be dull. It’s better than crying, right? Yesterday I wasn’t laughing. I still need to take driving lessons, so the goal to get a driver’s license for my birthday is not gonna happen. Better to practice than going the driving test several times. That’s the bad news. The good one is that I sighed up for a UX/UI design beginners course. It’s not free, so I hope it’s worth it. It’s about designing layouts of website, mobile and that kind of things. There are assignments, videos and a mentor who gives you feedback. It happens online, so I don’t need to go anywhere. If it’s too hard, laughter won’t happen. I hope I learn something.
Laughter is the best. I keep watching the same comedies shows over and over again. They never get old. I don’t know how many times I watched, e.g. Friends or Frasier. A shame you can’t watch full episodes online. There are some, but that’s like searching for a needle in a haystack. You can’t buy every DVD out there, or there would be nothing else to do. On Youtube, there are short clips, so that’s better than nothing. Laughter doesn’t only mean made up comedies. It can also be in daily life where someone says something funny, and people laugh at that. Laughing makes you feel better too. If you had a bad day or you feel sad, then laughter is a good cure. The best is when you can’t stop laughing at something, and you feel you’re about to burst. I don’t know if you can die laughing, but that’s how it feels like.
Laughter brings joy to others. The best laugh is kids laughter. When I was a kid, I laughed a lot. But after my sister died in 1983, the laughter disappeared. My mother used to say I was much happier when I was younger. When you experience something sad at a very young age, laughing and smiling isn’t on the agenda. Bad experiences change a person. But laughter saves you from getting sadder. You can’t live in the past and think you can’t laugh again. Watching something that makes you laugh or whatever you do to fill your life with laughter. You don’t even need to feel down. Laughter is good for any mood. I don’t know about you, but I’m gonna head for Youtube and find something to laugh at. Until to the next laughter.
Sometimes it’s better to be straight than being dishonest. It might hurt, but it’s better than be walked over. I wish I would have been braver when I was younger. There were certain people I wished I could have told where to get off. Like that guy in one school where I went to who asked me if I had been in a horror movie. I could have asked him the same. He wasn’t that special either. He was an idiot, and he wasn’t the only one. But that’s the past, and I have met better people than him after that.
It’s kind of funny now when my former schoolmates in primary school didn’t give a damn about me. In the gym, I was always picked up last even if I was good at it. Unlike that “bully” who was bad at it. She was probably jealous. Hard cheese. She probably never even had spots. I have never met them after I changed class in 7th grade. I was glad I got rid of them. I don’t care how they are doing in life. It’s no concern of mine. The class I was at from 1st grade to 4th was much better. If I wasn’t forced to stay at 4th grade for another year, then I probably wouldn’t have needed to go through this ‘bullying’ stage. In the 1st class, you had more than one friend. If one friend was ill, you always had another friend to be with. The atmosphere was very good there. Next time I had that feeling was when I studied media playwriting in 2002-2003.
In a way, past experiences have put me off friendships and even relationships. I don’t like that kind of drama people cause. I have met a lot of different people, but I don’t call them friends. They are more like acquaintances. Or people only walking by and then move on. I don’t believe being alone is bad for you. For me, it suits me very well. I don’t need a lot of people around, and I’ve never had. I can’t understand how someone can have more than 5 friends. It would be too exhausting for my taste. I’m not that depended on other people. When I was a kid, a girl had only one friend, but boys had more than one. Heaven forbid if you wanted to tag along with those other two girls, they looked at you like you were an alien. You knew by their look that you weren’t wanted. At least that’s what I have experienced.
The past shapes your future. For the better or for, the worse. If I hadn’t experienced what I have during my life, things would probably be different. You can’t change the past, but you can make your future better. If you can’t let your past go, you can’t move on because that’s what life should be, moving on. It’s really about your attitude towards the things you have experienced. You can either dwell on how you should have handled the situation or become stronger and stop caring what other’s might think of you. It’s your life and you can do anything you feel without having to ask for permission about how to be. The best revenge is not caring and moving on by doing what’s good for you.
Sometimes I’m a bit paranoid when it comes to certain things. If it’s about posting on social media, finding a job or making friends. On social media, it feels like my posts have no meaning to other people. In job search when I have an interview, it’s like they already chose not to give me a chance as soon as they see me. Then when I’m in some education no one seems to want to get to know me. They might talk to me but when the school is over they don’t even want to keep in touch. I keep telling myself it’s OK because there will be other people. Still, there’s an odor of conspiracy towards me. Or maybe it’s just bad luck. I’m not the one who wants to intrude in other people’s affairs. Maybe they didn’t like me but they didn’t really bother to get to know me either. It’s fine with me. They lived in another city anyway. People come and go. If it’s meant to be, it was meant to be. I’ve learned not to stress about having friends around. I’m not very good at keeping in touch with other people anyway.
What I’ve most doubt is becoming an entrepreneur. A lot of marketing happens online and social media. I can’t even get people to interact with me on my personal accounts. Internet is a big place and it takes time to get noticed. Unless you’re like everyone else. E.g. taking selfies and posting edited photos on Instagram. I don’t want to sell my soul to that marketing business. Or whatever it’s called. I can’t start anything just like that. I need to think long and hard before starting anything. I’ve already done that at least 2 years. I’ve searched for a job in the open market but no success there. That’s a conspiracy on its own to any job seeker out there. It seems a lot of people want to become entrepreneurs in graphic design or any other creative business. Even in Helsinki Design School where I studied graphic design. I was a bit embarrassed because they were so much better than me and extroverted. How am I supposed to compete with them? That shouldn’t stop me though. For a while, I was about to change my mind about having my own business. The way things are going, entrepreneurship is tempting again. It’s just that doubt in my mind that stops me from starting.
I’m sure a lot of people feels others are against them once in a while. It comes in thought, is there something wrong with me. Am I not good enough? Here what the odor of conspiracy comes in. You think the whole world is against you but in fact, it’s all in your mind. It’s just bad luck if things turn the way they do. Not all things have explanations. Things just are the way they are. You can do things perfectly but still, something goes wrong. You can’t know in advance who you’re gonna meet or how things turn out. That’s what life is about. You never know what’s around the corner. It shouldn’t be the odor of conspiracy. It should be the odor of success. Whatever it is to you.