Making up things. Names and things like that. How to explain things to strangers. Telling things about yourself. Trying to remember a song but you don’t remember who it is by. Searching information on Google but not knowing what keyword to use. Trying to get people to like your posts on social media. Especially on Instagram. That is the frustration of different things in life. Maybe not all people get frustrated about the same things. But I’m not writing about them anyway.
What frustrates me the most right now is posting on social media. No matter how many keywords I use, not many people take notice. People post a lot of crap and yet they get really many likes. I never like the same others like. Especially if they’re selfies. The whole keywords thing is stressful. I run out of ideas. It’s the same with this blog. If this wasn’t only a hobby I would be even more frustrated. Instagram should be called Keywordsgram because you need a lot of them. If I had a business I wouldn’t use it as a platform. Maybe only people’s friends like their posts. Instagram in general is a mystery to me. I can only dream about having a lot of followers there. It’s such a pain to write on the phone anyway. I’ve decided I won’t stress about not getting noticed. I post for myself.
Work can be a bit frustrating too. Especially when there are days you have nothing to do. In the end, even the internet is becoming boring. You might think to yourself, is this really worth waking up early for? If it wasn’t for the colleagues I would feel even more bored. If I was offered to continue with this work, I would decline. I don’t think I can take more of this than necessary. It would be nice to have a job where you have something to do every day. At this job, you can’t express yourself the way you want to. There are days when I wish I didn’t have to go anywhere far. I’m always so tired after work so I don’t have the strength to do things I used to. Like writing this blog. But at least I have a job. For now at least.
There can be a lot of frustrating things in life. Things like radio playlists where they play the same songs many times a day. Like the band sand artists only had one song. People leaving no room where you walk. Like the coronavirus didn’t exist anymore. Certain dog people not picking up dog droppings from the ground. Neighbours having loud parties. People leaving electric kickboards in the middle of the sidewalk. Having to repeat yourself to every new person you meet. Especially in a job search. Trying to make up blog titles and how to end blog posts. But you should not let those things get to you. Frustration is only a feeling and it will go away eventually. It will only make you stressed if you have that feeling too long. Focus on something that pleases you and look on the bright side. Things won’t last forever.
I could write this on my web design haven blog but I’m really upset and disappointed right now. This web design education is going really bad. We are supposed to make a website about an imaginative travelling agency and it should be ready next Monday. But I can’t even do the basics. It should be in HTML5 and there you use different kind of codes. We make them in Dreamweaver. This week we’re studying at home so there’s no help from the teacher. No matter what code I put, nothing works. I haven’t learned anything and it’s already been two months. Maybe I’m just stupid. I already hate making websites. I shouldn’t hate it but when things never go the way I want to. I’m already thinking of quitting school since I never learn. I don’t even learn from the papers we got from the teacher. If I can’t make a site for myself, how will I know how to make one for a client? This on-job-learning is coming too soon. There will be one next year and it’s more than a month. The way things are going now with the studying, it looks unlikely I managed to get anywhere by then. I really don’t want to quit but this is getting on my nerves. I haven’t studied much and it’s already Tuesday. I never get this assignment finished and I’m close to give up on it.
Some transformation there. I thought web design could become a new thing for me but obviously not. I hate practising because it’s so frustrating. I’ve never become anything. I can use the internet and I can write but that doesn’t pay your bills. The photography thing didn’t work out either. By patience is running out. I feel totally useless. When things are difficult I just lose interest. If web design would be moving things with your mouse like you do in WordPress blog platform, then I could do it. But you need to know coding and that’s what I can’t do. No matter what the teacher say, I’ll never learn. I only get angry and frustrated at myself for being so slow in learning. Studying shouldn’t be so hard. You need to have motivation and patience which I lack off. It would be so much easier if I had a job where you don’t need a creative mind. But I never wanted an ordinary job. Practising should be enjoyable and not something you hate doing. Practice makes perfect but if it doesn’t motivate you, how can you go on?
If someone asked me what’s my occupation is, I wouldn’t know what to say. I’m nothing is not something to be proud of. I’m not a photographer and not a web designer. Definitely not the latter. It’s looks good on paper but you actually should know what to do. Writing resumes is a pain because you’re not really anything besides a lazy person. Lazy in the sense of wanting the easy way out. I don’t want the easiest way but I don’t want to struggle either. I want to be something but it shouldn’t be this hard. I can’t imagine people who have ambitions because I’ve never had any. I can’t come out of my comfort zone no matter how much people encourage me. There’s always gonna be a doubt in my mind that I can’t do things. Even if deep inside I know I can. I guess that’s the Gemini in me, two people in one. Right now those people can’t get along. We all have a dark side but mine is more of a battle between my mind and my heart. There’s only one solution and that’s compromise. Like with different people, we all have to get along.