The past changes the future

Photo: ©Isaque Pereira/Pexels

Sometimes it’s better to be straight than being dishonest. It might hurt, but it’s better than be walked over. I wish I would have been braver when I was younger. There were certain people I wished I could have told where to get off. Like that guy in one school where I went to who asked me if I had been in a horror movie. I could have asked him the same. He wasn’t that special either. He was an idiot, and he wasn’t the only one. But that’s the past, and I have met better people than him after that.

It’s kind of funny now when my former schoolmates in primary school didn’t give a damn about me. In the gym, I was always picked up last even if I was good at it. Unlike that “bully” who was bad at it. She was probably jealous. Hard cheese. She probably never even had spots. I have never met them after I changed class in 7th grade. I was glad I got rid of them. I don’t care how they are doing in life. It’s no concern of mine. The class I was at from 1st grade to 4th was much better. If I wasn’t forced to stay at 4th grade for another year, then I probably wouldn’t have needed to go through this ‘bullying’ stage. In the 1st class, you had more than one friend. If one friend was ill, you always had another friend to be with. The atmosphere was very good there. Next time I had that feeling was when I studied media playwriting in 2002-2003.

In a way, past experiences have put me off friendships and even relationships. I don’t like that kind of drama people cause. I have met a lot of different people, but I don’t call them friends. They are more like acquaintances. Or people only walking by and then move on. I don’t believe being alone is bad for you. For me, it suits me very well. I don’t need a lot of people around, and I’ve never had. I can’t understand how someone can have more than 5 friends. It would be too exhausting for my taste. I’m not that depended on other people. When I was a kid, a girl had only one friend, but boys had more than one. Heaven forbid if you wanted to tag along with those other two girls, they looked at you like you were an alien. You knew by their look that you weren’t wanted. At least that’s what I have experienced.

The past shapes your future. For the better or for, the worse. If I hadn’t experienced what I have during my life, things would probably be different. You can’t change the past, but you can make your future better. If you can’t let your past go, you can’t move on because that’s what life should be, moving on. It’s really about your attitude towards the things you have experienced. You can either dwell on how you should have handled the situation or become stronger and stop caring what other’s might think of you. It’s your life and you can do anything you feel without having to ask for permission about how to be. The best revenge is not caring and moving on by doing what’s good for you.

Vital decisions for the future

job in the bible

Being unemployed sucks even if you get benefits and you get by somehow. But not having a job is no fun. Some people do everything right but yet they won’t get hired. Then for those who have succeeded to get a job, they think if they have then anyone can. Sorry to burst their bubble but everyone isn’t as lucky. It’s easy to tell others how to do things but finding a job is not like snapping your fingers. It’s great that people find jobs but that won’t help those who don’t.

I have to make vital decisions for the future. It’s not like my life depend on it though. It’s not that desperate. But it can’t go on like this forever. It’s already 3rd week of this year and I haven’t done anything. I have that studying thing which is next week again but that’s it. I should have something else too. I had a job suggestion in my email but I had no idea what the job was. I read it a few times and I still didn’t get it. It wasn’t the job I was looking for either. At least I’m not totally visible. Moving on. I found an internship place but it’s without pay. At least it’s closer to the subject I study now. In the application (which is online and in English) there’s this question I don’t know what to answer to.

Why would you be the best choice for the position(s)?

I tried to find answers to what you could answer to that question online but I didn’t find what I was looking for. I even asked on Twitter but as usual social media failed me again. I guess I’m left to my own advice again. Unless anyone who reads this has any suggestions? Something that could work. Just in general and not necessary to this application. Please, do comment if you want. I’m probably gonna find a solution to this problem before that. But still, I’m only asking.

The reason why I hate job search is questions like these. I never know what to reply so I don’t even bother applying. It’s so stressful. I’ve seen some funny memes on Pinterest about what to say in a job interview. But you can’t say those things in real life. One was, “Why should we hire you?” Answer, “Because you’re hiring?!” You really need to put yourself in the employer’s shoes. It can’t be easy for them either. They get a lot of applications and they have to choose who to ask for an interview. They must be really lucky if they find the right person for the job at first try. That’s why it’s so difficult for the job seeker to answer questions. You have to stand out but how do you know if you did stand out? Maybe someone gives the same kind of answer you do. There are so many tips online what to write in a job application. But then there are others who might have seen the same ones and uses that. Using tips you find online still doesn’t get you a job. It’s a jungle out there in the job search world.

Introverts nightmare, How to sell yourself? That sounds like prostitution. But that’s an “It” thing these days. “Elevator pitch” is a better word for it. But us Finns don’t talk in elevators. We stay quiet until we get out of it. Joke aside. No one ever stays long enough to hear me. As soon as they see me, they’re already judging me. Maybe not that easy though. I’m exaggerating a bit there. I can’t describe myself in 30 seconds. It takes less than that since I don’t know what to say. If I do it’s usually negative things but you can’t say that out loud. I’m not very good with words in general. It’s different when it comes to writing fiction. I wish I could use that in my daily life. It would be much easier if I could describe myself like Loki does in Avengers- Infinity war.

I, Loki, prince of Asgard… Odinson… the rightful king of the Jotunheim… god of mischief… do hereby pledge to you… my undying fidelity.

See, much easier. Mine would stop at my name and then a long pause. If it was being said out loud that it. If I had to reply by writing then I would have time to think.

I think I found out what to write to that internship application while writing this post. I write what when I have. But still, I would like to know what you would answer to this question. For any occupation. “Why would you be the best choice for the position(s)?”

Anticipate the future is the hardest thing

anticipate
Made in Canva

Another new year is here. It’s 2019 and another opportunity to plan ahead. But to anticipate the future is the hardest thing. Don’t ask me what I do in 5 years because I don’t even know what I do next week. I can only wish things but they won’t become reality. Life should be full a surprises and not something you plan ahead. People make bucket lists or make new years resolutions. I don’t make neither of them. It’s a waste of time and they never come true anyway. I don’t hesitate with decisions. I just hate rushing things.

Having so many disappointments in life, you don’t expect much. You appreciate the things you got. People usually complain about things they don’t have. I don’t want to be one of those people who doesn’t see anything good in anything. I always try to see good things in everything. I didn’t plan my life to be in the state it is now. But the past is the past. I only want to look forward. I can look back at the past for a moment but then move on.

There is at least one thing to look forward to this year. A certain thing that really is going to happen. That is the graphic design course I’m on. It ends in June. There is still things to learn and things to do. One is a portfolio that we’ve gonna present in front of the class. I hope that goes well because I don’t like public speaking. I’m not as nervous about that as I was before. Of course, it’s easy to say it now. I can never anticipate how things like that will go. I know when I get there. I haven’t started planning the portfolio yet so I don’t know what I put in it. It’s not the first time I make a portfolio so there are no problems in that. The thing is what work to put in it. The other thing is what to tell about the assignments I’ve done. Finding what your strength is also difficult. The best thing about presenting your portfolio is straight feedback from the teacher. It’s a long way to the presentation day so no need to stress about it.