I have lived in a cocoon, and there are things I regret. I wish I could have said something to those morons in school that treated me like I wasn’t there. Especially one of them. I don’t know what her problem was. Maybe she thought she was something special. At least I wasn’t bullied as bad as some people are. Some adults have been bullied, so their whole life is spoiled. I was glad I had never had to meet them again. You shouldn’t have people around who don’t appreciate you. The decisions I have made in life have nothing with them. If they thought they would break me, they were wrong. It only made me stronger. What happened then is only pathetic on their part. It was all so silly. They were cowards too. They never dared to say anything to my face. I wouldn’t recognise them on the street anymore. I don’t even remember some of my former classmates’ names. I have met many people, so how can anyone remember someone you knew over 30 years ago. They don’t matter anymore.
I’ve had a lot of times when I didn’t take action when I should have. I don’t know if I regret certain decisions I made in the past. I know I’ve learned something, at least. There have been education that didn’t get me anywhere, even if people said it would help to get a job. Well, it hasn’t, or I would have had more job experience than I have now. I wish I would have tried any job, but I wanted to discover what I wanted to be through education. I see; now they don’t matter. It’s job experience. Sometimes it feels like I’ve wasted my life, and now I’m getting older. I should have at least 20 years of working life left, but I will become a poor pensioner at this rate. I don’t collect pensions because I don’t work. It isn’t even my fault. Some people don’t want to work, but I do. No one wants to hire me, but it’s their problem, not mine. Maybe I chose the wrong profession or something. There aren’t many jobs in the graphic design field. Unless you’re super talented and have job experience. It can be a little frustrating when you finally know what kind of job you like and can’t find anything to apply to. They look for people with job experience and someone for the future. Not someone in their 40s with no experience in the field. Employers never seem to look for workers, either. Job search has gotten so strange these days. No wonder some people don’t want to be in that game. It is one. The only ones that win are the lucky ones.
Living in a cocoon feels safer when you’re not a risk-taker. You can’t regret the things you did in the past because you can’t change that. But you can change what you do for the future. There will be times when you want to take action, but you can’t because that might make you feel unsafe. I live for today, and if it’s in a cocoon, let so be it. I’m not the one who thinks if you don’t do certain things, you will regret the rest of your life. Some things aren’t meant to be, and you have to accept that.
The way things are going now, I can’t predict the future. I don’t know what will happen this year, so I can’t know what I’ll do in 10 years. I won’t move a muscle until I figure out what I want to do right now. I can wish for things, but they are not future plans. I’ll be 56 in 10 years (I will turn 46 on June 2). Hopefully, I will have a job. At 56, it’s not easy to get hired. I wouldn’t want to be unemployed at that age. Maybe in 10 years, there won’t be age discrimination. A lot can happen in 10 years. You never know when you will die. I can get some deadly disease or get into an accident. My dad probably won’t be around in 10 years. He turned 79 this year. Unless he’s blessed with a long life like his half-sister. She’s 91 years old. My dad doesn’t exactly live a healthy life. Even if a person does live healthily, they can still pass on at any age. I could imagine what I could be in 10 years if I was younger. Now I can only wish.
I know I won’t have anybody in my life. There will only be people that will only be there for a moment, and then I will meet new ones. It sounds sad, but I have nobody now, either. Some people are better off alone. I like being on my own. I like meeting new people and all that, but I need my privacy. Now and in 10 years. Or who knows. I can’t predict the future.
I want to feel I have achieved something. I don’t want big things to happen, though. I live day by day. I don’t want to think about the future. I hope I can do what I feel. I can’t be forced to do something I’m not comfortable with. Other people can see what they want to see. I know myself, and I don’t change because someone doesn’t like the way I am. You shouldn’t live the way other people want you to live. It’s your life, and you can do what you want as long as it’s legal. Society must learn that we can’t all be the same and live the same way. I hope in 10 years, differences will be more accepted.
This post is not valediction of any kind. This is free writing. You usually do it in 10 minutes, but I type what comes to mind. It might take a minute or longer than that. It might not make sense, but it’s fun to do it. One piece of news, though. Finland is now officially a member of Nato. That’s all I’m going to say about that. This is supposed to be a fun post. Not funny. The fun of writing. Or typing. Either way.
I have no timer for this post. It takes so and so minutes. Like it says on the blog title. Spring is coming, but we still have snow here and there. Maybe it’s time to melt. I like spring. It’s better than summer. The sweaty season. Summers would be nice if it wasn’t hot. I will die or wish to in the future if the climate gets hotter. Maybe I’m not on this earth when that time comes. I feel sorry for the people who come after me. Those are the ones we should worry about. Even if we’re dead, we should still care today. Maybe we can’t stop climate change anymore. Sorry, this post shouldn’t be about serious stuff like that. Just mentioned it. Let’s move on, shall we?
Sent an open job application yesterday, so one each month is done. Won’t get a job, but I have done my part. Next week is back to school in Helsinki again. I haven’t done my assignment yet. It’s not an easy one, but I will get it done. I’m there to learn, so it doesn’t matter if I don’t get it. It’s not my favourite assignment. It’s about movie production. The school is on Friday and Saturday. I must go by bus on Saturday, so I hope we’re not going anywhere that day. I might miss that bus to that place. With public transportation, you never know if it will be on time.
More about spring. It’s nice that the snow melts and it isn’t chilly during the day. I can ride my bike to places. Especially when I’m going to the grocery store, and I don’t have to carry the shopping. That is heavy stuff. I don’t need to go to the gym; I carry shopping bags. I could go by car, but the store isn’t far. Walking is good for you. It makes your head clear. But cycling is even better. I don’t care about those terrible road stoppers, a.k.a. electric scooters. Do those companies who own them want people to get lazy? Those who use them can’t even park them right. Driving on the payment where people walk. It was so nice to walk outside when there were none of those anywhere. Winter is nicer because there are no scooters anywhere. Now the pain is back. Paris banned altogether them. Whoever invented those scooters are idiots. People have their friends on them. Sometimes there are three people on those scooters. They are made for one person. It’s not a taxi. No wonder young people get overweight when they don’t walk. I have nothing against those scooters; it’s the people who use them that I can’t stand. Not all are bad, but a lot are. They have no idea about traffic rules. It’s a jungle out there.
I think it’s enough free writing. If people read it or not. That’s the valediction of this post.