My path to becoming a graphic designer, or not

I have recently taken part in a few challenges on Behance and Instagram, so I haven’t had the time to blog. The first one mentioned is an Adobe Illustrator challenge. The other is a typography challenge which is once a year and for 36 days. There is a letter (and number later on) every day. You can use any tool you like and any way you want. If anyone is interested, you can see my work over here. There is a lot of great work other people have done. You can use the tag #36daysoftype on Instagram. The one of Behance about Illustrator has been a lot of fun, and I’ve learned new things. It ended last Friday, but the videos are still there. I also tried the Photoshop one, but I didn’t have time to do that too. There is also a chat on Discord where you can get feedback. That’s very important because graphic design is a learning process. You are never ready. Not only graphic design but also other things in life.

It feels like I’m always late. It took me years to find what I was looking for. I’ve tried different occupations, but I have never found something I felt passionate about. I wanted to do something different. Money hasn’t been a motive for me. I rather do something that makes me feel good. I want enough money so I can afford to live. I don’t believe in that having a job that pays you well. I will rather be without a job than be in a job I don’t like. During those years where I thought about what I want to do for a living, most people already found their things. I feel like I’m only starting out even if I’ve done things for years. I don’t know what my working title is. I have never had a graphic design job where I get paid, so I don’t know if I can call myself a graphic designer. I have only had clients in web design, but that was part of the education. Having a portfolio is an important thing in creativity. Looking at other people’s portfolios, it feels like mine is plain. I don’t have much to show, only school work. If I started with graphic design earlier, I would have something to show. You can’t go back in time. It’s not too late to get something done. You only need enough confidence in yourself. You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, but it isn’t easy. You still feel you’re not up for it. It doesn’t help either when you don’t get hired anywhere. Not even an internship.

On Discord, there is a chat about creative careers where you can post your Behance portfolio. Then you can also get feedback. There are a lot of great work people have done, and then there is me. It’s a bit of an embarrassment because mine isn’t that great. I don’t even dare to introduce myself because I don’t feel like a graphic designer. Even if the first time I studied graphic design in 2009. But I wasn’t doing any of it after 2011 when it ended. The same goes with web design, but I don’t want to do that after all. Another thing is what kind of projects would I do. It seems that a lot of people have branding and visual identities. Trying to be different from other designers is difficult. My confidence in becoming one myself is soon gonna break into pieces like glass. I’m running out of options. I probably will never get a job. I hardly get any follows on social media, so getting those in the professional won’t be easy. I don’t think I will get “discovered” on Behance or any other portfolio places. My path to becoming a graphic designer started too late, and it’s only in my head that someone would hire me for my work. I shouldn’t give up, though. We all go through different paths, and there is no right or wrong way to become something you want to be.

Let’s not jinx it

jinx
Made in Canva

Have you heard the saying, if you talk about it, you might jinx it? If there isn’t, then there should be. The sports commentators usually talk about how things might go, and the next, it does happen. For example, in alpine skiing, the commentator says, I hope they don’t drive off, but then the skier does. The same goes for having plans. You shouldn’t tell about them to anyone before you make sure it will become something. But sometimes that doesn’t work either.

I believe I have jinxed a lot of things without knowing it. Or maybe I’m just jinxed. I never get lucky in anything. I shouldn’t expect too much from others. Just because you have things to say, it doesn’t mean everyone else has. Like in writing fiction. When I post my stories online, I don’t get many comments. Even if I have written the story, I would have reactions to them. Sometimes one person might react to them, but not so many others. If the story has a drama part, I don’t get any comments. If I was the reader, I would have things to say. It’s not the end of the world if no one comments, though. I usually write the stories for myself anyway. But sometimes it would be nice if some did give some feedback. Mostly I get likes, but I wish people would comment more on them. Compared to what other stories get, the other writers get much more reactions to their stories than mine. It feels my stories are not good enough to comment on. Therefore I am jinxed. Sometimes it feels I shouldn’t post any stories online. Why am I wasting my brain on writing fiction if I don’t get any likes or comments anyway? But then why shouldn’t I? I love writing fiction, so why should I stop. It doesn’t matter if someone else gets more. I write stories I want to read. That’s the reason why I do it. It’s great if someone likes them too.

I think I’m jinxed on social media too. Not in most places, but on Instagram, mostly. I won’t take it personally if I don’t get likes to my posts. I think the more you have followers, the more you get likes. I only have 23 followers. I don’t know how many of those are real. I use many hashtags and all that, but still, I get only a few likes. I don’t know how it works. I have this love/hate relationship with Instagram. I’ve had it since 2016, and now I have a newer and better phone too. I guess I can be happy I get at least some likes. I also have a business Instagram, but I don’t have much to put in there. I don’t know if I want to post much in there because I’m a bit paranoid it will go the same as it has with the other account. I don’t know how you can promote your business on Instagram anyway. You can’t even click on links in the posts. You need to go to the profile to see links. Facebook would be much easier for that. It feels like anything I put online; it all disappears into nowhere. Someone must see it because why would I get any likes anyway. At least I get likes from my cousin. I’ve used social media mostly for fun, so I haven’t stopped posting there. Too many people only use it to get likes and followers. I think I wrote in a blog post about Instagram being a popularity contest. I can’t find it now. Anyway, that’s what it is. Getting likes does make a person feel loved, but that feeling doesn’t take long.

Jinxed or not, at least I get to photograph a duck.

I better put the kettle on and repost this since this post didn’t get a single like. I guess I have to like my own posts then. Maybe I jinxed it. Perhaps I should make this blog private. It’s like talking to a wall sometimes. Like on social media, in general. Maybe I should take off the like button altogether. I’m so disappointed right now. So bye bye.