Trying no to flare up about misfortunes

man with a flare in his hand
Made in Canva

Life is full of disappointments, I once wrote on this blog. I try not to flare up when it comes to misfortunes. But sometimes you need to rant about it. I didn’t get the internship that I went for an interview. At least I don’t think so because they never did inform me. They could have at least bothered to tell me. I can’t understand why employers can’t tell the applicants about the results. A no is better than no answer at all. Since there was no reply last week I assume it’s a lost cause. Just as well. The other interns were much younger than me. It wasn’t even a paid job. But that would have been better than nothing. Well, their loss. Looking on the bright side, I can concentrate on my school assignments. It still blows I didn’t get the internship though. It seems I can’t even get free work. It feels like all the educations I’ve had is all unnecessary. I don’t know why I even bother studying anything. I should get work experience but no one gives you a chance. That’s a problem for the young and the older job seekers.

You’re either too young or too old. Even someone over 40 is old for most employers. What are they worried about? They don’t want to babysit or boss their mothers? Job search is a pain and it gets worse the longer you are unemployed. All this propaganda about how to find work doesn’t help. People can give you millions of advice but none of them will help your cause. The job search has become a competition. Is not what kind of education you have, it’s about who you know. It helps if you’re an outgoing and a-happy-go-lucky-really- social person. If you’re not, then there are troubles ahead. After so many disappointments you lose hope of finding any work. You start to think there is something wrong about you. But it isn’t. It’s the job search that is rotten. Employers are too afraid to take risks. It frustrates me when these 30 years something praise how they got a job after a job search in 6 months. That’s nothing, try 10 or more years and then praise it. It’s so easy to brag about your good luck when others struggle for years.

I’ve been to these job search and resume courses but none of them has helped to find me a job. The only thing I got was something to do and once I found an education I applied to (it was the web design education) That didn’t help either to get a job. There is no point applying for any job because I’m gonna get rejected anyway. If I can’t even get this internship without pay, then how can I get a paid one. I’m actually so fed up with this all. I know I should think positive but it’s hard since nothing ever happens. I could just go to sleep and pray for death. Not really though. In a way, I understand people who don’t even want to look for a job. Job search is hard and you get emotionally drained about the whole process. But I wouldn’t want to live all my life on social benefits. My parent taught me better than that. If I had the courage I would become an entrepreneur at this instant but that has its disadvantages too. Feeling unwanted is one of the worst feelings but you just have to continue living. At least I have other things to do. Or else this unemployment would take harder to bear.

You ain’t seen me, right?

This is a sketch from the British comedy show, The Fast Show. I don’t know why the word camouflage reminded me of this. Sometimes it feels like I’m invisible. But in some things, it’s kind of good. I don’t want that much attention from other people. I can observe in peace and follow people’s behaviours. It’s an introverted thing. People think you don’t hear them but in fact, we do. Because we’re not as loud as extroverted, it’s like being in camouflage. The bad thing is when you want people to take notice, you’re being ignored.

It’s never in the middle. You must be totally quiet or totally loud. Getting attention is not only about posting photos of yourself in social media. It’s about getting your voice heard. It doesn’t need big audiences. If it reaches at least one, that’s better than nothing. I, for example, could never be a video blogger because I don’t like being in front of the camera. I want to say things in writing. Other people feel natural being in the spotlight so I rather leave that to those who are. Stick to what you know, the saying goes. No one is good at everything. If someone could, others would be without work.

Speaking of which. Tomorrow it’s not a day for me to be in camouflage. Finally, the day when I’m gonna go to that meeting about the internship I wrote about here. We were supposed to meet last week but it had to be rescheduled. After a few emails, I didn’t get a reply so I thought it wasn’t real. But today I wrote another one and then finally I got a reply. I don’t know what kind of meeting it will be but it’s probably like a job interview kind of thing. The ones I’ve been to haven’t been very successful. When it’s over, I could say, You ain’t seen me, right? And then move away slowly to the front door. It could also go the other way around but that’s tomorrow’s business.