Blowing my own horn is not my thing. That must be one of the reasons why I can’t find a job. I don’t know how to brag about myself. It’s also a Finnish thing. We’re not good at it. It’s also an introvert thing. We don’t want to brag about ourselves and make ourselves something special. We like to be low key. But that doesn’t seem to be acceptable in the world. You’re nothing if you don’t want to blow your own horn. It shouldn’t be that way. We should be allowed to be ourselves and not pretend to be something we’re not. Some people seem to have problems with quiet people. Only because you don’t want to be a blabbermouth doesn’t mean you’re strange. Listening to people talk about things you don’t care about is stressful. Noisy people have the same effect.
Because I don’t want to blow my own horn, I don’t know if I could be a good entrepreneur. You need to be a lot of different things. A marketing person, a salesperson, a public speaker and someone who doesn’t give up easily. Most importantly, be good enough at what you do. Maybe it’s only me who thinks I’m good at something. Perhaps the reason why I won’t get hired is that I’m not good enough. They instead take someone with natural talent. I don’t have an impressive portfolio, and I don’t have what the employers are looking for. I’m not confident in blowing my own horn. No matter what I post on social media, I get some likes and sometimes nothing. If I don’t get much attention in my personal accounts, how can I get it on the business one? If I get any comments, it’s usually spam. I wouldn’t trust anyone. I feel it’s unnecessary work if I promote things on social media. It’s not easy to be ignored as a job seeker or/and an entrepreneur. I don’t know how to say something about myself or what I can do. At least when it comes to making it to words. It’s incredible how things disappear from your head when you should think about them. It has nothing to do with memory problems. I tend not to think about complicated stuff like that.
Maybe I’ve chosen the wrong path when it comes to careers. It seems you need to blow your own horn because the competition is tough. There are so many people in the design business, and I don’t know how to stand out. Maybe my destiny is to be without a job. I never wanted an ordinary job, but it has backfired. Only because I don’t know how to blow my own horn.
Day 9. All the people do is assume wrongly about me. Especially when I meet new people. They think I’m quiet because I don’t start talking to strangers. They don’t even bother getting to know me. It’s their problem and not mine. It’s an introvert thing. I only speak when I have something to say. If people would only bother to ask me something. Why must I be the first one to start anyway. I’m not good at starting conversations. I’ve tried to be more outgoing, but it feels weird. It’s not in my nature to do so. No one knows how it is to be me. If people knew me, they would see I’m not what they think I am. Don’t assume you know me because I’m more than meets the eye.
When I was younger, people thought I was quiet at home too. I was shy around other people, but I was totally the opposite at home. The people I’m close to know I have my own opinions. I’m not afraid to say what is on my mind. Out in public, you need to think about other people’s feelings. You can’t act the same as you do at home. I don’t hurt other people’s feelings on purpose. People think I don’t have opinions, but I do. I just don’t say anything because I don’t like conflicts. Sometimes I have nothing to say, period. I don’t know why I should talk all the time. I don’t like my voice that much.
It’s a shame the world is made for extroverts. If you’re not talkative, they overlook you. If it’s about finding friends or jobs. One of the reasons I’m not good at job interviews is that my answers are short. It doesn’t matter how much I prepare. I always forget to say what I’ve planned. Once when I was an intern in a newspaper, they said I wasn’t social enough. So because I didn’t babble nonsense at work, I’m not social? You can be that even if you don’t talk a lot. I’m an observer, and if I have things to say, I say it. I’m an introvert and not mute.
They say you should be yourself, but then when you are, they think you’re weird. Nothing is ever good enough. I’ve learned through the years that you can’t please other people. They will understand you if they want to, but if they misunderstand you, they will. You can only be the person you know you are. You should focus on the people who do understand you. At least a little.
Day 5. There are a lot of things I wish I knew how to do. But then I could be here all day. I wished I wouldn’t be so indecisive. There are many things I want to do, but I don’t know what I should concentrate on first. This is a problem I’ve had since I had to decide what to do after school at 17. Everything seemed to be too dull for my liking. While I was thinking about what I wanted to do, others had already done more than I have. I feel a bit ashamed that I haven’t had a paying job. I’m an introvert and not very ambitious. I also don’t like taking risks. That’s one of the things I wish I knew how to do. Maybe then I would have more achievements. I just give up too easily at times.
I wish I knew how to tell things about myself. Especially when writing them down. I don’t know what people want to know. What does it even mean, tell something about yourself? Talking about myself isn’t easy. It feels awkward somehow when it shouldn’t. If I could write them down, it would be different. Talking face to face with someone about it is another matter. Even writing them down is difficult. I just don’t know what to say. It’s the same with cover letters in a job search. It’s a pain to get the words out, so I don’t want to do it. I wish I was better at that too.
I also wish I could feel at ease when meeting new people. I don’t know how to start a conversation without feeling I’m bothering them. I’ve tried during the years to be braver, but it still feels unfamiliar. I don’t have much in common with the people I’ve met in the past. I’m not a storyteller. I prefer listening to others. They think I don’t want to talk, so they don’t even approach me. The things people talk about doesn’t interest me. If they talked about the things I like, it would be different. Introverts are misunderstood by extroverts. Being shy is different from being introverted. Either way, we are all different, and people should accept that. We should learn from each other because then we can grow as humans. Not only that, but also grow as an individual.