Bloganuary: Don’t let me be misunderstood

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Day 9. All the people do is assume wrongly about me. Especially when I meet new people. They think I’m quiet because I don’t start talking to strangers. They don’t even bother getting to know me. It’s their problem and not mine. It’s an introvert thing. I only speak when I have something to say. If people would only bother to ask me something. Why must I be the first one to start anyway. I’m not good at starting conversations. I’ve tried to be more outgoing, but it feels weird. It’s not in my nature to do so. No one knows how it is to be me. If people knew me, they would see I’m not what they think I am. Don’t assume you know me because I’m more than meets the eye.

When I was younger, people thought I was quiet at home too. I was shy around other people, but I was totally the opposite at home. The people I’m close to know I have my own opinions. I’m not afraid to say what is on my mind. Out in public, you need to think about other people’s feelings. You can’t act the same as you do at home. I don’t hurt other people’s feelings on purpose. People think I don’t have opinions, but I do. I just don’t say anything because I don’t like conflicts. Sometimes I have nothing to say, period. I don’t know why I should talk all the time. I don’t like my voice that much.

It’s a shame the world is made for extroverts. If you’re not talkative, they overlook you. If it’s about finding friends or jobs. One of the reasons I’m not good at job interviews is that my answers are short. It doesn’t matter how much I prepare. I always forget to say what I’ve planned. Once when I was an intern in a newspaper, they said I wasn’t social enough. So because I didn’t babble nonsense at work, I’m not social? You can be that even if you don’t talk a lot. I’m an observer, and if I have things to say, I say it. I’m an introvert and not mute.

They say you should be yourself, but then when you are, they think you’re weird. Nothing is ever good enough. I’ve learned through the years that you can’t please other people. They will understand you if they want to, but if they misunderstand you, they will. You can only be the person you know you are. You should focus on the people who do understand you. At least a little.

Bloganuary: What is something you wish you knew how to do?

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Day 5. There are a lot of things I wish I knew how to do. But then I could be here all day. I wished I wouldn’t be so indecisive. There are many things I want to do, but I don’t know what I should concentrate on first. This is a problem I’ve had since I had to decide what to do after school at 17. Everything seemed to be too dull for my liking. While I was thinking about what I wanted to do, others had already done more than I have. I feel a bit ashamed that I haven’t had a paying job. I’m an introvert and not very ambitious. I also don’t like taking risks. That’s one of the things I wish I knew how to do. Maybe then I would have more achievements. I just give up too easily at times.

I wish I knew how to tell things about myself. Especially when writing them down. I don’t know what people want to know. What does it even mean, tell something about yourself? Talking about myself isn’t easy. It feels awkward somehow when it shouldn’t. If I could write them down, it would be different. Talking face to face with someone about it is another matter. Even writing them down is difficult. I just don’t know what to say. It’s the same with cover letters in a job search. It’s a pain to get the words out, so I don’t want to do it. I wish I was better at that too.

I also wish I could feel at ease when meeting new people. I don’t know how to start a conversation without feeling I’m bothering them. I’ve tried during the years to be braver, but it still feels unfamiliar. I don’t have much in common with the people I’ve met in the past. I’m not a storyteller. I prefer listening to others. They think I don’t want to talk, so they don’t even approach me. The things people talk about doesn’t interest me. If they talked about the things I like, it would be different. Introverts are misunderstood by extroverts. Being shy is different from being introverted. Either way, we are all different, and people should accept that. We should learn from each other because then we can grow as humans. Not only that, but also grow as an individual.

Bloganuary: Last time I left my comfort zone

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Day 3. As an introvert, the comfort zone is a familiar concept. Brave and ambitious people might not understand how difficult it is for a person to do something they’re not used to. It won’t help if you say what could happen because that won’t help. It takes time to get out of your comfort zone. You might be nervous or anxious. You rather not do it because you don’t like that feeling.

The first time I got out of my comfort zone was when I was 17. I moved to another town to study health care. It was an education I didn’t want to study. But my mother said I had to start somewhere, and she was right. It was right after school, and if I hadn’t got anything, who knows how my life would have been. The first week was awful. Everything was new, and I didn’t know anyone. It was a small town, and there was nothing to do. I was very homesick, so I called my mother and cried on the phone. But when I got to know my classmates and my roommate, I felt much better. The education was only one year which was all I could have taken.

As I got older, I have had been braver to step out of my comfort zone. I still like being there. In life, you need to grow; otherwise, you get nothing done. I’ve never been good at making decisions. I’m very indecisive, so it takes ages to get things done. Even if I know what I want to do, the comfort zone keeps holding me back. I’ve been thinking about entrepreneurship for a few years now, but I don’t get anything done. Instead, I’ve been lazy and tried to do something else besides looking for something to do. It will probably continue the same this year. I always tell myself I will start something at the beginning of the year, but I keep putting it off. I tried to search for a job, but I haven’t found anything to apply to. The last time I had a job was in 2020, and even that was only part-time.

The last time I left my comfort zone was last year when I got my driver’s licence and went to a carwash. When I was a child, I was scared of them. I never wanted to be in the car, so I waited outside. It was the big brushes I was afraid of. Now when I went, it didn’t go very well. I didn’t know how to drive inside the car wash. Luckily there was a man helping me. I had to reverse the car and drive back in again. It was a bit embarrassing, but it was the first I drove the car myself. It was my dad’s car, so I wasn’t familiar with it at that point. I wouldn’t want to use a car wash that often, but fortunately, you only need to do that once a year. Every time I drive in traffic, it’s always outside my comfort zone. I went to driving school 26 years ago, but I didn’t finish it. Now I know why. I didn’t like driving, among others. I feel nervous, and I don’t trust other drivers. I haven’t driven the car alone yet. My dad has been with me. I don’t drive the car very often anyway because you can go by bike or walk to get to places in my city.

This summer, I’m going to leave my comfort zone to go to two concerts. I first went to a real concert in 2018 when Robbie Williams was here. I had never been to a show before because I didn’t like big crowds. I’ve only been to free concerts where more than one performer has been there. I guess I got the ‘bug’ from that first concert because I didn’t hesitate to go to the next ones. I only hope they won’t be postponed because of covid. The Elton John one was moved because of that. When you can’t wait to get out of your comfort zone, that means you’re ready to do it more often. But it’s always nice to go back.