Bloganuary: Last time I left my comfort zone

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Day 3. As an introvert, the comfort zone is a familiar concept. Brave and ambitious people might not understand how difficult it is for a person to do something they’re not used to. It won’t help if you say what could happen because that won’t help. It takes time to get out of your comfort zone. You might be nervous or anxious. You rather not do it because you don’t like that feeling.

The first time I got out of my comfort zone was when I was 17. I moved to another town to study health care. It was an education I didn’t want to study. But my mother said I had to start somewhere, and she was right. It was right after school, and if I hadn’t got anything, who knows how my life would have been. The first week was awful. Everything was new, and I didn’t know anyone. It was a small town, and there was nothing to do. I was very homesick, so I called my mother and cried on the phone. But when I got to know my classmates and my roommate, I felt much better. The education was only one year which was all I could have taken.

As I got older, I have had been braver to step out of my comfort zone. I still like being there. In life, you need to grow; otherwise, you get nothing done. I’ve never been good at making decisions. I’m very indecisive, so it takes ages to get things done. Even if I know what I want to do, the comfort zone keeps holding me back. I’ve been thinking about entrepreneurship for a few years now, but I don’t get anything done. Instead, I’ve been lazy and tried to do something else besides looking for something to do. It will probably continue the same this year. I always tell myself I will start something at the beginning of the year, but I keep putting it off. I tried to search for a job, but I haven’t found anything to apply to. The last time I had a job was in 2020, and even that was only part-time.

The last time I left my comfort zone was last year when I got my driver’s licence and went to a carwash. When I was a child, I was scared of them. I never wanted to be in the car, so I waited outside. It was the big brushes I was afraid of. Now when I went, it didn’t go very well. I didn’t know how to drive inside the car wash. Luckily there was a man helping me. I had to reverse the car and drive back in again. It was a bit embarrassing, but it was the first I drove the car myself. It was my dad’s car, so I wasn’t familiar with it at that point. I wouldn’t want to use a car wash that often, but fortunately, you only need to do that once a year. Every time I drive in traffic, it’s always outside my comfort zone. I went to driving school 26 years ago, but I didn’t finish it. Now I know why. I didn’t like driving, among others. I feel nervous, and I don’t trust other drivers. I haven’t driven the car alone yet. My dad has been with me. I don’t drive the car very often anyway because you can go by bike or walk to get to places in my city.

This summer, I’m going to leave my comfort zone to go to two concerts. I first went to a real concert in 2018 when Robbie Williams was here. I had never been to a show before because I didn’t like big crowds. I’ve only been to free concerts where more than one performer has been there. I guess I got the ‘bug’ from that first concert because I didn’t hesitate to go to the next ones. I only hope they won’t be postponed because of covid. The Elton John one was moved because of that. When you can’t wait to get out of your comfort zone, that means you’re ready to do it more often. But it’s always nice to go back.

Distance does not affect me

mountains in the distance
Made in Canva

For some distance is a big problem during these times. Some might get depressed they can’t meet their friends or family. We are all different. But for me, there is no problem. I’m not overwhelmed at all. Maybe I’m missing my workmates but it’s not the end of my world. I can’t understand people who are addicted to other people. I’ve survived without human contacts for years so why complain about it now? I actually like it when people keep a distance. I’m such a lazy person so I don’t feel like going out. I don’t know what’s so bad about being home anyway that people want to leave it. Besides this thing that is happening in the world right now won’t last forever. If people would only keep away from other people but I guess it’s too hard for some. Distance is the word right now and people should respect that because then things will never get better.

If I find something overwhelming I don’t do them. In school, Math was something I was really overwhelmed by because I thought it was hard. I hated the whole subject. Then you just had to go through it but now you don’t need to. I think all you need to know how to add up and all those basic things. You don’t even need those because there are calculators so you don’t need to count in your head. You don’t even need to buy things with money. You have a card for that. If I pay with money I pay with a banknote. Which is the reason why I have so many coins in my wallet. I dislike counting money at the checkout so I rather not do it. I do it before that. But mostly I pay with a debit card because it’s the easiest way. My card has a contactless payment so I don’t even need to touch anything. Some people pay with their phones but I don’t really trust that system. I can’t probably download any of that on my phone anyway. I rather use a card.

Another thing that I find overwhelming is how to describe myself to others. Or just to get to know people. So I keep my distance because I don’t want to disturb others or giving the wrong impression of me. At least I did in the past. It really depends if I feel confident that day or what kind of people they are. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel uncomfortable at all at my current job when I first got there. When I keep my distance some people might think I’m shy or that I don’t like people. I could say the same about them. Why don’t they contact me? Why must I be the first one? I get the picture they don’t even want to get to know me. Maybe I’m boring in their eyes. They’re the ones who have an attitude and not me. As you get older you don’t care what others think. As long as you know yourself is all that matters. Distance doesn’t affect me. Actually, I welcome it. The worst thing is people who are too clingy and can’t stay away from other people. They’re the ones you should be worried about.

The unsociable parasite

young lady sitting alone
Made in Canva

The blog post title doesn’t necessarily mean I think of myself of being the unsociable parasite. It’s more about what people might think of me. I’m not gregarious at all. I’m more of a loner. Sometimes I need interaction with other people but I can live without it. If I had a choice I would never leave the house. All I would need is a computer and an internet connection. But I don’t want to live my life like that. I also like being outside. I would seek for solitude in nature or even take a walk outside where I wouldn’t meet a single person. Big crowds only make me tired and stressed. Especially queues where people breathe down my neck.

In this loud world where people who like solitude and are unsociable are seen as parasites. Introverted people are needed as much as extroverted. We can’t all be the same. Being social doesn’t even mean talking. You can still be social by observing and listening to others. The problem with this world is not enough of listening. Everyone seems to be in a hurry. No one wants to share either. Not until disaster strikes then a lot of people want to be helpful. Social media is not much better. If you want advice no one gives you one. You don’t get any help from anyone. Or maybe it’s just me who doesn’t. I guess you need to have a lot of followers. If you want anything done, you have to do it yourself.

In the working life, the unemployed are seen as some kind of parasite. The longer you are out of work, the less you’re wanted. And even worse when you’re an introvert. I think that’s one of the reasons why I never had a real paid job. I don’t belong anywhere so, therefore, I’m a parasite. In the employer’s eyes that is. Last time I were anywhere it was in 2012 and that was only 2 weeks. There they said I wasn’t social enough. How would they know anyway? Well, it’s old news and I don’t dwell on that any longer. I don’t even feel like going anywhere in the morning. I’m not saying I will never look for a job again but it looks unlikely I will get any in 2020.

I wouldn’t want to be gregarious anyway because then I wouldn’t be who I am. I hate faking things which seems to be required in some cases. I’m also a bad actress and I can’t act social when I’m not. People would see right through me if I pretended to be talkative. If people think I’m the unsociable parasite then so be it. It’s not my concern because they don’t know me. I know from personal experience that some people don’t even bother getting to know you. They rely on stereotypes and live by that. Some get to know a person before they judge but I haven’t met one yet who does. If I have it was a long time ago. We shouldn’t ignore differences, we should welcome it. That’s how the world should work.