Bloganuary: Lie or only denial

lie and truth sign
Made in Canva

I don’t know if it’s a lie or only a denial, but I’m not as good as I think I am. I question my skills all the time. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why I keep putting off things. For example, since 2018, I’ve thought about becoming an entrepreneur. I went to a course about it too. I wanted to become many things, but I constantly changed my mind. I kept telling myself I was good at something, but then I didn’t get the response I wished for from others. I thought I was only an average photographer, writer or anything creative. I thought I couldn’t make it professionally. Maybe I’m lying to myself that I could. I’m worried people will see through me, but they don’t want to hurt my feelings by telling me the truth. The truth about that I should choose a profession other than something creative. My photos and designs are plain, and no one would want to pay me because they might make them for free elsewhere. That kind of doubt is often in my head.

Sometimes I wonder if people understand what I’m writing about. Am I the writer that I think I am? It’s not like I’m writing a novel here. I’ve got good feedback about my fiction, and people like my blog posts. But my writing is a hobby. I don’t get paid for it. Writing is the only thing I feel comfortable about. I know I’m good at it. I won’t lie or deny it. It’s other things that I think I’m lying to myself about. There will always be someone who is a better photographer than me. The same goes for graphic design and other creative things. I don’t like the “not being good enough to get paid for”- feeling. I have never wanted an ordinary job where you go at 8 or 9 am and then home at 4 or 5 pm. I can’t sit still and do something boring all day. I need change, and that’s what creative work is. But I can’t get hired because I have no job experience in the field. It’s challenging to get any of that.

As an introvert, it’s hard for me to know what my strengths are. I lie, or I’m in denial that I’m versatile, but am I truly so? Is that even a strength? A killer can be versatile by killing different kinds of people. I like doing different things, and I guess I’m doing OK with them. I wish I was more confident about my skills and not always doubting them. Being honest with yourself is easier than lying. But also, you shouldn’t forget that life does not always go as planned. If you lie to yourself about that, then you’re in denial.

Bloganuary: Link to an old post about a chore

to do post it on blue background
Photo by Breakingpic on Pexels.com

It seems I have written about the same subjects, Bloganuary has this year. Today’s it’s chore that is challenging. I don’t like repeating myself, so here is an old post about a chore.


Originally published on January 18, 2019

pen on white paper
Made in Canva

Job search is a chore

There are very unpleasant chores like cleaning the bathroom and then there a chore a lot of people need to do to survive. That is a job search. Sorry for writing a post about it again but the word ‘chore’ is kind of a boring subject. It’s not even fun to write about. Writing about a job search is not that either so it’s actually a chore as well. An unpleasant thing, a routine.

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Bloganuary: How are you brave?

brave word on the middle of a board
Bloganuary: How are you brave?

Being brave doesn’t mean doing anything crazy, like rock climbing or stuff like that. You can be bold by talking to others or writing about something you like. I don’t see myself as a brave person. I’m more of a thinker than a doer. I’ve been thinking about entrepreneurship for some years, but I haven’t been brave enough to do anything about it. I like to be in my comfort zone.

I bravely went to my first concert in 2017 when I saw Robbie Williams. I never thought I would go to any concert when I was younger. I didn’t like being in crowded places. Now I’ve been to two, and I’m going to three shows this year in another city. Now that’s what I call brave, in my opinion. I’m going alone too. For some, even going to the movies alone scares them, which I don’t get. Doing things alone is much better than having someone there saying, I don’t want to go. Or any other complaints. When I go and study in Helsinki, I always go out alone at lunch. I can do some sightseeing at the same time. As an introvert, I like to be alone to collect my strength. So that’s how I am brave, doing things alone. That’s something not everyone can do.