The aftermath of 2019

December 27, 2019 MiaLeave a comment

horizon in car side window — Made in Canva

Christmas holiday is over. I and dad went to Tallinn, Estonia. The trip went well. There was Christmas entertainment on the cruise ship and on Christmas Day we took a walk to the town. Luckily the weather wasn’t rainy as it was last year. We ate so much on the ship so we wouldn’t need to eat at all for a few days. So after buying bags full of candy/sweets, it’s back to normal again. The year is soon over and it’s time to do the aftermath of the year 2019. For me, it was quite eventful which isn’t every year. So let’s get started before I forget.

In April we went to Playa Del Inglés in Canarian Islands. A story I still haven’t finished so sorry about that. I don’t even know how much I remember from the trip anymore. I’m a bit lazy when it comes to writing about trips and editing photos. I think I still have those photos in my memory card. So far I’ve only written 2 parts.
Part 1
Part 2
Other things have occupied my mind so I haven’t remembered to write the next part. I might finish it next year. Let that be one goal of mine in 2020.

Then not so good things. I came back from Helsinki where I studied graphic design. When I got home from the bus, I tripped and fell on my face. I cracked two of my front teeth. What upset me the most was the lack of help I got when I laid there on the payment. One young guy just walked by and didn’t even look my way. So much for Finnish hospitality. I had to get up myself. It hurt like hell and my nose got scratches as well. Luckily I had a tissue to I could stop the bleeding. I had to call my dad to take me to the emergency room. Then I had to wait in the waiting room for ages before I got an icepack for my upper lip. I’ve never felt so uncomfortable in my life. Then I had to wait for the doctor for hours. They fixed my teeth at least with a temporary filling. Before that, I looked like an ice hockey player. Become of this accident I had to skip school and I couldn’t eat or drink properly for weeks. Luckily my nose wasn’t broken because that would have been even worse. Now my teeth are fixed and back to normal. But it was an experience I never want to go through again.

Then the graphic design education in Helsinki Design School ended. I wouldn’t say I graduated since I’m not officially a graphic designer. At least not in my own mind. I’m glad at least for getting through the education. The thing that I feel really sorry about was that I had to skip a day when they taught web design. I’ve already studied it but it would have been interesting to see how the teacher we had taught the class. Every teacher teaches differently. The other thing was my portfolio presentation. I didn’t get the feedback that could have helped me in the future because of my screw up. I wouldn’t say the education was a waste of time because I did get something out of it. But it didn’t give me any hope of working in the graphic design field. Actually, it made me feel even worse about my skills. Now I’m here wasting my time and the things I learned in this school is slowly fading away from my mind. Just like with the web design education. When the motivation is low you don’t feel like practising your skills.

In the job search, things don’t look bright either. I applied to 2 jobs outside my field. I got one interview but that’s didn’t go anywhere. I got no reply for either of them so it means I didn’t get it. I also applied to a Recruitment Training program called DigiTalentPro but I wasn’t chosen for that either. I’ve heard negative reviews of the program so I’m not really sorry about it. It seems I only get one job interview every second year which isn’t much fun. I went to a job fair but I only went to listen to a couple of speakers. And one of them I met which I’m most proud of because I usually don’t approach celebrities that often.

This year we also went to Stockholm in Sweden. We lived in a hotel. Then I got Spotify Premium because I got tired of the commercials. Also, the microphone on my old mobile stopped working so I had to start using my dad old smartphone. Then I stopped using Instagram because my tablet is slow and I can’t download any Google Play apps on my phone. I tried to find a solution but nothing worked so decided to skip the whole thing. So that was the aftermath of my 2019. The only thing I know what’s gonna happen in 2020 is the concert of Elton John in September. And my yearly dentist appointment the next day. The rest is your guess is as good as mine.

Networking is just another word for decorated

November 22, 2019 Mia2 Comments

On Wednesday I went to a job fair. I went to listen to a few speeches and nothing else. One was about why there aren’t many females in ‘Information technology’ and the other was about knowing the right people. The rest of the speeches isn’t relevant to this post. What they had in common was networking. In my opinion, networking is just another word for decorated. You have to be “colourful” and be ready to come out of your shell. In other words, be something you’re not. They say you should be yourself but not exactly yourself. This is very difficult for a shy or introverted person. Especially when you should promote yourself about the things you’re good at. Especially females have this problem. We are too modest about our skills. Not everyone can do everything. Life is a learning process and things you can’t do, you can learn.

I don’t like networking and I wish there was a way to avoid human contact altogether when it comes to that. I also don’t like places with a lot of people gathering around in small spaces. I don’t like pretending I’m outgoing when I’m not. I didn’t talk to anyone at the job fair. Except when I met one of the speakers who’s a Finnish celebrity who works on TV. I wasn’t nervous at all when I met him. I wish I could walk to another stranger to introduce myself that easily. When I went to a job interview on Tuesday I wasn’t nervous either. But I never know what to say so I give short answers. Which is probably one of the reasons I don’t get anything. I also don’t know what to say what skills I have. At least not what could be useful in the job market. I can do a lot of different things but I’m not good at either of them. I’m just average.

In one of the speeches, it was said the worse thing that can happen is a no. But I’m not afraid of that because I’m used to it. The worse thing is when you think you hear a yes but then they change their minds. Or you have so much hope but then it’s smashed to pieces one way or another. Then you think why bother when you get nothing in return. That’s what networking is, disappointments and decorated shallowness. The only person who can succeed is someone who knows how to represent themselves. For other’s, it’s much harder. It’s quite sad how job search is more of a circus these days. It’s not only what you can do, but it’s also about what you could do for them. It’s not real, it’s a decoration and people don’t want to or can’t do anything to change that.

It’s sabotage to get told what to do

November 8, 2019 Mia1 Comment

Do this and you get that. If you don’t do what you are told you will get into trouble or don’t get anything. It’s sabotage to get told what to do with your own life. Not just your life but other things you do. Or don’t do. I don’t really have a point in this post. All I know is what sabotage is when you want to be yourself but is not allowed to. People should have the right to be whatever sexuality they are without having to announce it to the world. But some people have the urge to know everything about everyone. I don’t get this “getting out of the closet” when someone announces they are gay or any other sexuality. Straight people never have to announce they’re straight. What’s up with that? Isn’t it because it’s “normal”? And why are gay people living in a closet? I guess there is so much prejudice so people are embarrassed to be different when it shouldn’t be. Some people have attitude problems towards certain people. I don’t know how people like that can live with themselves. I welcome everyone no matter who they are. As long as they’re nice people. Negative and disrespectful people don’t have a place in my life.

Some things feel like sabotage. Like job search. I did get again a message “Thanks for replying but you’re not chosen” for that packaging thing I mentioned in this post. When then, I wonder. They probably chose someone in their 20s. Well, I didn’t want it that bad anyway. That thought makes me feel less worthless. Not that I feel worthless. Some people are embarrassed they’re unemployed so they don’t tell many people. I’m not that fussy. If people think I’m lazy, let them. I’m in my 40s and I should find a job much easier than someone in their 50s. Easier, not easy. But I guess my resume isn’t “sexy” enough. They said you should apply for jobs outside your own field. I did but I didn’t get anywhere. So there goes that theory. At least I can tell the jobcentre I did apply for a job. I don’t know if I should tell them about the graphic design education in Helsinki Design School though. It’s been a while since that ended so maybe not. Why does job searching make me feel so old? I have a lot of energy left but there are too many gaps in my resume. Educations are worth nothing.

Sometimes it feels like sabotage in social media. It’s like someone have said, “don’t like or post anything to that person” Which is just paranoia. I’m no one famous and not many know me on social media. I don’t know why I don’t get that many likes and such. Even on this blog, I don’t get as many likes I used to. Are my blog posts uninterested? Have I told everything and my posts are repeating themselves? Questions like that entered my mind. It really depends on what I write about. On Twitter, I get likes when TV programs are on. Or if it’s tweeting about Formula One. But if I share a blog post or tweet about something else, then I don’t get any. I will never get thousands of likes anywhere but I’m not expecting that either. Some people do anything to get likes to their posts and then they get on the news. ‘This person got 500 00 likes in an hour’ And then the photo they’ve posted isn’t even anything special. People just like weird things. If I posted something like that, it probably wouldn’t even get noticed. Then again I’m just assuming. My motives for social media is different from others. I don’t seek big audiences. It’s the quality that matters.

You can also sabotage your own future by doing crimes. Or even post drunk photos on social media. I don’t know why people do that in the first place. Who wants to see that kind of photos anyway. Know one wants to hire a boozer or even be friends with one. Drunk people are boring as well. Some people think if you don’t smoke and drink you don’t know how to have fun. Well, you can sabotage your own health and your future as much as you want. But I don’t want to live my life that. It’s just isn’t my kind of fun and it has never been. I find parties boring and a waste of energy. I rather stay home alone and do something by myself. If that sounds boring then so be it. Sabotage my solitude then you can think again. Just saying.