Curious me

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Learning new things is part of life. You need to be curious, or it will get you bored. You need to be motivated to learn, or it will all be useless. Sometimes learning is so hard you want to give up. I have now had 4 driving lessons, but it seems I’m still not ready for the driving test. In the 2nd lesson, I remembered why I didn’t finish it the first time. There is so much to think about. I actually dread the lessons a bit because I’m afraid to make a mistake. I thought I’m a fast learner, but not when it comes to driving a car. The biggest problem is changing gears. All my energy goes to that. Then there is the pressure from other drivers on the road. It feels like I never learn. At least I’m a bit better. I need to learn the gears better so I can think about other things. One lesson left, but I think the teacher will suggest some more. It was 26 years ago, the last time I drove a car, it takes time to learn again.

Being curious about learning new things hasn’t made my life any better. I’m still unemployed, and I’m turning 44 in June. Apparently, 40-year-olds don’t learn new things anymore. That’s not the reason I haven’t got hired, though. It’s the lack of experience. Maybe I’m not good enough. It’s silly to switch careers when you haven’t even been in the current one. Why would I want to switch when I have finally decided what I want to do? I don’t know what I could do. No matter what I study, I still won’t get a job. Whenever I search for a job, it always requires experience. I have no chance to get any because someone will always have more. I like to learn, so I still do no matter what. It’s the curious me that want to continue. I do it for myself and my own mental health. It’s good for the mind to study things. No one is perfect in anything. Unless you’re a superhuman which I think no one is. Learning new things is not enough. Also, knowing how to do things better. Learning a new computer program and then get better at it, that’s what pays for your efforts.

I used to dislike Adobe Illustrator, but after studied web design, I learned to like it. Our teacher was very good at teaching it, so that must be it. Now I use it daily. I’m still learning it on Behance. You always learn something new every time. Practice makes you better, and you get used to things. But only if you’re motivated. If you’re not curious enough, nothing will make you want to continue. You can’t force yourself to do things that don’t interest you. There are things I want to learn, but I don’t have enough patience to do it. I don’t like difficult things. There isn’t enough time to learn a lot of things. The brain doesn’t have enough memory capacity to handle so much information. Only concentrating on learning what interests you and focus on becoming better at it is more important. I want to learn a lot of different things, because I get bored otherwise. That’s what the curious me want to do.

Blow my dreams away

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Blow my dreams away

I give up my big dreams

What is the point working for it

Blow my dreams away, you’re good at that

I’m tired of trying, it’s all in vain

Maybe it works for some, but not for me

I don’t have what it takes

Blow my dreams away

I tried many times, but nothing works

I will only think about small dreams

Blow my dreams of finding work

I never get what I want in life, so I won’t bother

“You will find something too” won’t help the cause

The only dream you won’t blow away is the driver’s license I know I get

First impression is not always the best

first impression
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I don’t why some people think they know a person after they met them the first time. The first impression is not always the best. If the person is friendly, it’s because they have manners. But you can’t know what the person is like. E.g. they say the first impression is important in a job interview. Apparently, it should take 2 minutes. That’s how long people I meet spend time with me. I never get any friends because they’re not patient enough. Being friendly doesn’t get you, friends. Not that I need any. I’ve managed without them so far. With friends, I mean, friends offline. I have friends on Facebook that I went to the same school with, but I haven’t met them privately. Two of them are my former workmates, but I didn’t spend time with them after work. Our interests are just different.

I don’t know what it is, but no one seems to want to keep in touch after an education. Maybe I’m just boring, and they don’t bother. I haven’t missed them either. They don’t even live in the same city, so we couldn’t meet anyway. Only losers keep in touch with former schoolmates. Not really, though. Only those who keep in touch with their old friends in their childhood. At least I don’t understand why someone should. It doesn’t mean they are losers. It’s weird people still meet their childhood friends. You would think they would have grown apart by now. Personally, I wouldn’t try to find old friends. I wouldn’t have anything in common with them. They probably have families, or they’ve died. I rather meet new people and not keep in touch. I’m not very good at that. Not even when it comes to relatives.

Some people act to be friendly, but they’re not really. The first impression of a person is not always the best. Sometimes I wonder why someone has got a job in the first place. Especially if they work in the service sector. No matter how bad you feel, you shouldn’t take it out on a customer. It goes the other way around too. I was once in a Finnish train station, and I went to ask the service clerk about which rail my train would leave. I said what train it was. The woman behind the desk said negatively, just look at the board up on the wall over there. She didn’t even bother to look at her computer. There were a lot of trains coming and going. I thought I would miss my train. I did try to look for it on the screen, but it was confusing. That was the reason why I went to the clerk to ask in the first place. That’s the worst service I ever got. How can someone like her get a job in a service business with an attitude like that? Luckily, I did find my train, but she ruined my whole day. I’m still appalled when I think about that day. Your bad mood shouldn’t affect the way you treat others. Rudeness is one of the worst things in the world. It’s much better to be polite, and it also makes the customer feel they matter. The other way around too.

I always try to be friendly with others. Sometimes I get upset at something someone has done, but I don’t say it to someone face. Unless it’s someone I know well, then I’m not afraid to say my opinion. If I’m rude, I’m not doing it out of spite. If you answer with anger, then you get the same. If the person is rude, you shouldn’t be rude back. It’s easy to fall for that trap when the other is trying to provoke you. That person only wants to argue. I guess when you get older, you calm down and don’t go into every argument. At the first impression, you would think I’m always calm and don’t give out my own opinions. But there are a time and a place for everything. Never judge a person at first impression because you only get to know them after a longer period of time. Don’t give everything out at once. The best part of any relationship is having a mystery to solve. You might even learn something new about yourself.