Thanks for standing by

Photo from Canva

Thanks for standing by. It’s been a month again since I blogged last. I’ve been busy with the filmmaking course with assignments. When I have time, I never seem to have the time to do anything anyway. I sleep late, or I watch sports on TV. Or if I need to help my dad with something. If I don’t have anything to write, then I don’t. Thanks for staying. No matter what the reason is to be following this blog, thanks for doing so.

Looking at my blog stats and posts I’ve made in this blog, November seems to be a quiet month for me. At least in the 2020s. I don’t know what it is. People find this blog anyway, even if I haven’t written in a while. So thanks for that. I won’t bore you with that stats things.

I won’t say thanks to the job search world. You send an open application, but you still won’t get anything. No one seems to look for new employers. I’m supposed to send one job application each month. I can’t find anything, so it seems forced. The job suggestions I get are all wrong. I don’t know if I have the strength to both study and be at work. I have never done it, even if I have studied full-time. If I had my own business, I could work when I wanted, and I didn’t need to ask permission when I had to go to school. When you’re unemployed, you need to search for work at the same time. It’s challenging to find a job that lets you study at the same time. I just have to send open applications even if they don’t work. At least I’ve looked for work. That’s better than not doing it. I can at least concentrate on the school assignments in peace.

Thanks if you got this far; reading this. You can relax now. This is the end of this post.

Repost: Green with envy

green with envy
Made in Canva

Envy is one of the seven sins, but it’s also something you feel when you see someone succeeding better than you. There is good envy, and there’s bad envy. I don’t think I’ve ever had that bad envy feeling. I can be happy for another person. There is no point in fighting against something you know you’ll never win. It’s better to concentrate on your own things. You should stop comparing yourself to others, no matter how hard it might be. Some things are not meant to happen, and some things might happen later.

What makes me most green of envy is creative talents like illustrators and graphic designers. Even professional photographers. They make it look so easy even if it’s not. If I practised more, I could get better at it, but there are so many other things to do so I don’t have time. At the job I’m doing right now, there isn’t any photography. We use photos from Pixabay or any other photography place. Maybe I get to do that someday. I’m not that excited about taking photos like I was a few years ago. On dull days at work, I wish I was somewhere else. Mondays and Tuesdays are quiet, so I could be doing something else. I wonder why I even bother waking up early.

I’m green with envy when I read about how someone has started a creative business after their education. Like in Helsinki Design School. I’m both envious and admire their courage. Their work is good too. I feel like an amateur when it comes to coming up with ideas and how to make them a reality. I haven’t really done any graphic design since school in 2019. I don’t have enough confidence to start something on my own. Instead, I have to work somewhere else. But maybe this is a learning process. I get used to working with others and maybe learning something new on this journey. But right now, it feels like I won’t make it 8 months in this current job. Especially when I have to wake up early. I would rather stay in bed and start working when I feel like it. I made my bed, and now I have to lie in it.

Some might be green with envy of me, but they shouldn’t because we all got our strengths, and we should use them to help those who don’t have the same skills. Everyone can’t do everything, and it’s meant to be that way.


Adding to this old post on May 31, 2022. Some might feel a little envious that I will see Duran Duran in concert on Thursday, and on my birthday. Also, some might envy Finland for becoming world champions in ice hockey on home turf, and therefore breaking the curse. The end.

Narrowing down is the hardest thing

two yellow lines on asphalt
Photo: Andrew Martin Pixabay

When you’re a person who likes to do more than one thing in their life, narrowing them down is the hardest thing. Sometimes I wish I could narrow my interests, but I’m not that kind of person. I could have achieved so much more if I had only concentrated on a few things. It feels like time is running out, and I don’t have time to do anything. I need to have time to be lazy too. I thought I wanted to be one thing, but my interests got somewhere else. That’s how my life has been. So many choices but so little time. Maybe one of the reasons why I have had so many problems with decisions is that I think the grass is greener on the other side. Perhaps I’ve been too unrealistic with what I’ve wanted to do in my life. It isn’t a lack of support from other people. I subconsciously don’t dare to do things because I’m too scared of failing. Or maybe I’m just too lazy. It can also be like that because I failed many times, so I don’t want to go through it again. I know when you fall, you get up again, but still, I don’t get anything done.

I could have narrowed things down, but I like to be versatile. I never wanted to have an ordinary job, so it was difficult to know what to study. When I finally do, that’s not enough either. The reality is that some people are narrow-minded, even if they might think that they aren’t. Their opinion is that you need to have specific education and a certain amount of job experience to be good enough to be in their little group known as ‘their business’. You need to be a student or have an amount of experience to even get an internship. Neither way, you can’t gain experience if you’re not allowed to practice your skills in a job. I’ve started to believe I’m not meant to be a graphic designer. At Helsinki Design School, where I studied some years ago, I didn’t get the encouragement I expected. I got the assumption that I’m only average compared to the others. One time I got feedback on a poster I made about my city from one of the teachers. I should have done some research, and she wouldn’t have put it on her wall. I know my town, so there is no need for it. I just think she didn’t understand my style. One opinion doesn’t make me believe I’m bad at graphic design. Drawing isn’t my strong point anyway. It makes you think twice, though. It’s the same with photography. I doubt my skills in that too. Seeing other people’s work doesn’t help me either. It’s a little depressing. It makes me think I’m not good enough at anything. It feels like I’m an outcast and don’t belong to this creative business club. Maybe I have wasted my time and life thinking I have what it takes to be a graphic designer. Or any other job where design is concerned.

It’s a positive thing to have knowledge of many things instead of only having one narrow one. Both have a good and a bad side. If you know about many things, it’s also more challenging to choose between them. If you have a narrowed skill, it’s easier to improve that. Either way, both are needed. If there is something you can’t do, there is always someone who can. I only wish someone could have some use for my skills in the workplace, but I guess there isn’t. Too bad for them.