A person who doesn’t have English as their first language there are words you always write wrong. Or when you speak certain words you can’t get them rightly pronounced. For me, the most difficult word to say is failure and photographer. It’s such a tease for me so I rather not say them out loud because they sound stupid when they come out of my mouth. It’s easier to write them. I know I shouldn’t mind how it sounds like. The main thing is to be understood. I’m not ashamed of having an accent. I don’t even know if I do because I haven’t listened to myself on tape. Finns usually are embarrassed about having an accent. I don’t why because other non-English speakers do have an accent too. I don’t think people even notice if I have an accent or not. People don’t pay attention to accents because you can’t sound totally native if you really aren’t. Other problem in what English to speak, American English or British. When I was younger I thought American sounded much cooler but now I find them both fascinating. I write this blog in British English so if you find a word that looks like it’s misspelt, it’s not. It’s only written differently.
I write fiction in English and sometimes I find it difficult to describe something. It’s not just English but in my own language as well. Not only fiction but also when I write about anything. You can’t really say when you try to describe someone or something as a thingamajig. Describing is the most difficult thing in the English language. It’s stressful so when I don’t know a certain word I use another one instead. Or don’t write it at all. Being bilingual has its disadvantages. You don’t always remember what word is what in the language you’re using. I usually search Google for the word or Google translater when I write. I also have a dictionary but it’s faster to use the Internet. I’ve used English so much so I sometimes don’t remember what something is in my language. I both speak Finnish and Swedish so even in those languages I can find difficulties. I always spoke in Finnish Swedish with my mother and I went to a Swedish speaking kindergarten and school so I’ve grown up with the language. My dad doesn’t speak any other language than Finnish.
There are words in English that I always misspell no matter how many times I’ve written them. Words like unfortunately, fortunately, relieved. It usually becomes unfortunally, releaved. Some words sound similar. Like relieved and revealed. They are easily misspelt. I love the English language because words look the same but can still mean different things. It’s a bit like Finnish. Probably not as they are written though. It also has words that mean different things. I’m always been bad at grammar so I can’t teach languages so don’t suggest I could teach Finnish to you. Then there are words in English that are said the same way but mean different things. Like idle and idol. Example: “He’s been an idol for 20 years but he’s been idle for 20 years” I saw that sentence somewhere once but I don’t remember where I saw it. The English language also has very funny puns and wordplays. Somehow it’s easier to use the language in metaphors than it is in Finnish, for example. Certain things even sound better in English. Sometimes learning a language has difficulties but that’s how you learn. I know more words in English than I did about 20 years ago. I wish I could learn another language like that but I just so much else to do and it doesn’t stick in my brain like English does. I thought I was good at learning languages but I guess I wasn’t after all. I’m really amazed if someone can speak more than 5 different languages. I can hardly manage 3 but that’s more than most can.
I speak 3 languages, Finnish, Swedish and English. I also speak sarcasm but most people don’t get it so I don’t use it very often. I just roll my eyes. There are so many stupid people out there who you can roll your eyes to. Or simple people but stupid is a more powerful word. Like in Pet shop boys song, ‘I’m with stupid’, “Is stupid really stupid or a different kind of smart?” Everyone does stupid things sometimes but some take it too seriously. For me, stupid is not being able to do the most simple things like closing a gate or switching a light off. Unless you’ve have some kind of disability and you can’t do those things. People with no common sense are usually the stupid ones. Or maybe it’s just ignorance. People who only think about themselves are also stupid and there are a lot of those. Sometimes I get the feeling I’m the only with a brain. Others are just headless hens running around.
It feels no one speaks my language. I always felt I’ve been misunderstood. Not about what I say but what I am about. People judge you by only looking at you or meeting you and then think that’s what you are. But there’s more than meets the eye. It seems people’s intelligent stops there after they’ve met you. That’s one kind of stupidity, giving up on you too soon. I don’t know how people find any friends in the first place. Maybe I just haven’t met them. I never seem to have anything in common with people. Now even in Helsinki Design School. I don’t think I’ll become friends with any of them. When the education is over that’s it. The same happened last time I went to this school. Maybe I’m just too boring to become friends with. But whatever. It doesn’t hurt me much. It’s better to be alone than be with the wrong people. I don’t need more drama in my life. It’s much nicer to meet new people anyway and not get stick with old ones.
Being rejected by other people doesn’t hurt as much it hurt to be rejected by a job. Not getting that internship still bums me up. Especially when they still have the opportunity open. The interview went well from my part. It was unpaid and still, they didn’t want to give me a chance. Maybe it’s an age thing. It was meant for young people. I know it’s old news that I didn’t get it. I moved on but still when I think about it, it sucks big time. If I can’t even get an unpaid job, how can I get a paid one? In the dark moments, I think of giving up the whole job search and live on well-fare for the rest of my life. But I don’t want to wait for an opportunity that will probably never come. Rejections can make you feel you’re not good enough to be hired. It’s the stupidity of the employers where the fault is. They expect too much and judge a person by how they act in the job interview. If you get one that is which is probably the most frustrating thing when you don’t. I will never succeed in job interviews because I can’t be something I’m not. Therefore, I’m not fit enough for their company but it’s probably not meant to be.
It’s really other people’s problem if they don’t speak the same language as me. I understand myself and that’s what matters. There is always someone who tries to change the person you are. But it’s their stupidity and it has nothing to do with you.
I can’t sail across the ocean to say this so I write it instead.
Happy 4th of July to my American friends!
Even though I never been there and never met anyone of you, I still have a big respect for you. As a European, America has had a big influence on me. Most of my favourite things are American. When I speak English, it happens to turn into American English. I haven’t noticed myself how I pronounce English when I talk though. Maybe it’s a mix. I found this website where you can hear the different pronouncing styles between American and British English. It can be a bit of both. I guess you have to talk to a native before you know which one it is. Even if I write this blog in British English, that American one keeps coming into my thoughts. The spelling is sometimes a little different so I have to check it out from Google. The word ‘practise’ is the one of the hardest I seem to confuse with. In the end, the most imported thing is to be understood no matter what the spelling is.
Most of my favourite bands and artists are American (Madonna, Michael Jackson, Pink, Prince, Bon Jovi, Aerosmith) The same goes with movies and actors (Tom Hanks, Johnny Depp, Lee Pace). American’s really are good at the entertainment business. They have the money to make good TV shows as well. At least there used to be good ones. Most of the shows I watched has ended (Bones, Mythbusters, Person of interest). Soon Game of Thrones will end too. Good things come to an end which is a shame. If there only would interesting new show but I don’t care any of them. They’re running out of good ideas over there. It’s not only America but in general. I don’t watch anything on TV anymore. Luckily the internet is full of those great shows that were made in the US in the past.
Every country has its downsides and so does America. No one is perfect. We all have our bad sides but we all should be proud of who we are and where we’re coming from.
So have a happy 4th of July to all Americans and who lived there for years. Stay safe and enjoy your day no matter how you celebrate it.