There will be no white flag above my door

flags
Made in Canva. Flags made by me.

The blog title is from Dido’s song “White Flag” Like the song says, “And I won’t put my hands up and surrender” If you give in, well you give in. But giving up should not be an option. If you’re tired you should take a rest and not force yourself to do things. Yesterday I had a very tiring day after all the sneezing I had. My note kept itching and I sneezed several times all day. That is very tiring. I didn’t feel like doing anything. I was supposed to do my school assignments but I was just too tired. But then I took a rest and now I feel much better. I could just have given up and let it be the way I’ve done them so far. But I don’t want to leave them unfinished. I didn’t want to do a bad job. I’m almost finished with the assignments but I still have some writing to do. Tomorrow I might get some more ideas. This was just one example of giving up. Or the lack of it. When I study something I take it seriously. I wasn’t always like that.

When I was younger I gave up with school work because I thought it was hard. But I had to pay for that later. I’ve given up twice when it came to education. One was in photography and the other was a business school. The later was for a different reason. The photography one was something I wanted to study but it was in a place where it was quite difficult to get to. I had a great roommate but that was probably the only reason it was OK to be there. If only digital photography was more common at the time. If I had continued who knows where I would have been now. In 2009 I studied graphic design and I decided then I would not quit ever no matter what. It was a 2-year education and I did have moments where I wanted to quit. But because of the teachers and a psychologist I could talk to, I didn’t. It was quite lonely in the evening because all my classmates lived at home. Only one of them lived in the dorm but she had her own friends. The education itself was interesting but the rest was quite hard. I wasn’t really friends with my classmates. Sometimes we talked but that’s it. Most of them were smokers so I didn’t belong in that group. They were nice people but still, they had their own little world. A bit unfair if you ask me. Smokers united. Yuck.

I really haven’t quit any education after that. When you get older you’re more resilient when it comes to drawbacks. Everything can’t always be fun games. Sometimes you have to do things that you’re not comfortable with or hate doing. You should never give up on yourself even if someone else does. A lot of people will be jealous because you know what you want to do with your life. Anyone can give advice but it’s up to you if you should act on it or not. If you do everything someone else says, you will lose yourself. If they say you can’t do it, prove them wrong. If not for them, do it for yourself. No one knows you better than you. If everyone would give up, a lot of things would have been undone. You don’t have to invent something that will change the world. You should do things that make you happy. If someone tries to rush you to do things, just relax and take your time. No one should be in that kind of hurry that they can’t wait. People stress needlessly about choices they think they have to make. If it’s meant to happen it will and if not, then move on. You shouldn’t dwell on things you can’t control. Maybe it’s because of my laid-back attitude but I don’t worry too much about anything. I do obsess over things but I do it in my head. I might look calm on the outside but my mind is full of different conflicts. After I’ve been thinking through them, I move on.

Life is never easy for anyone. If you give up as soon as you hit problems, you don’t appreciate life well enough. Strong people should help the ones who aren’t but it seems people have forgotten how. There are so much greed and rudeness in the world. You don’t have to like a person but at least be nice to them. Even a fake smile is better than no smile at all. People give up too easily when it comes to meeting new people. I really dislike this first impression thing. In others words, you have to be something you’re not. If people wouldn’t wave the white flag so easily when they first meet me, I could have at least one friend outside the internet. You should get to know the person before judging them. Already having enough friends, is not a good excuse. But if they’re so set in their ways, they’re not worth having. Being alone is better than being with people who give up on you as soon as things change. Not finding friends is probably the only time I have the white flag above my door.

 

Migration to another life

dream on board
Made with Canva

Today it’s Dream Day. A day where you could start following your dreams. I dream every day but I never get anything done. I wish I could migrate to another life. A life where everything you dream of will come true. In that fantasy world where you have all the courage, you can have. Now there are too many limitations. Migration to another life would be much better than this one. In the other world, everyone would get along. There wouldn’t be wars and all that. Everyone would be happy. Now it’s only some people who are totally happy. The only time you really can migrate to another life is through reading, watching movies, write fiction or whatever you do to be away from this life for a while. There is no alternative universe where you can physically remove yourself to. It’s only in your own mind.

I have dreams but they don’t feel like dreams. They are more like hopes. I don’t really know how it feels to have a dream come true. One dream that did come true was going to a real live concert. It was Robbie Williams. I loved it but I didn’t have a feeling, wow, my dream came true, kind of excitement. It was more like, OK, now I’ve done that and that was it. Maybe that’s it. Having a dream come true isn’t like being on cloud nine. It was more like emptiness afterwards and then you just move on. I tried to dream small to see how it feels when a dream comes true. The dream was to get into Helsinki Design School to study graphic design and now when I’ve been there, it was no big deal. I was happy of course but it was just for that moment. Now when it’s reality it’s nothing spectacular. I have no special feelings about it. I’m glad I got in and now it’s just a part of life. Until June 2019 at least. What happens after that is impossible to predict.

The reason people stop dreaming big is the fear of failure. But that’s not the reason why I stopped dreaming big. I’m not afraid of failure because I’ve done it so many times before. My reason is there have been too many obstacles in the way and at the same time, I’m too lazy to start things. It’s like there lives another person inside my head saying all the negative things. Maybe it’s the introvert in me. I think about things that could go wrong instead of what could go right. I’m not ambitious enough. I have difficulties to start anything. I think what to do but then I get distracted. It’s a habit I should get rid of it. In that other life, I wouldn’t have hang-ups like I have in the real world. It would be nice to migrate to that life once in a while. If only that dream could become reality but that’s yet again really far-fetched.