I leave you with nothing

trash
Photo from Canva

When I die I won’t leave a legacy of any kind to anyone. I probably give all the money to charity and the stuff I probably throw in the trash. I won’t be remembered for anything special. It doesn’t really matter what happens after my death because, well I’m dead. Some people want to make a big deal of what they leave behind. I only want a normal and quiet life without unnecessary drama. I don’t need to impress anyone. Not everyone will leave a legacy and it doesn’t matter either.

I settle for little. I don’t know why you should do anything special in this life. If you want to be at the top of the world and you don’t feel complete unless you experience something out of the ordinary, so be it. But don’t expect others to do the same. I only want to do things that please me. I don’t need excitement to feel human but not being bored either. Pleasing at least one person is enough. For example at work when someone tells me I’ve done something right, it feels I’ve accomplished something good. I don’t need fireworks to feel needed.

There are many who use social media to feel important. I got back to Instagram yesterday (@liuzzia5) because I got a better phone (Apple iPhone SE2020) and I can download it again. Even if it’s a popularity contest the whole app I still use it. It’s a bit of a waste of time if you ask me. I have never really gotten the point of the whole thing. I only get a few likes and sometimes none. But I only use it for my own amusement. I never know what kind of hashtags I should use and I don’t bother with it. It takes all the fun out of Instagram. I prefer Pinterest more than that because there you don’t need to think that much about hashtags.

In certain things, I wish people gave me more likes. E.g. graphic design or photography. Comments would be much more prefered though. Maybe social media is not the right platform or something for that. I don’t want to become famous or anything. Or leave a legacy for the future generation. But knowing I’m not wasting my time on something I’m not really good at would be nice to know. Maybe I’ll always only remain an amateur. I know I should be more confident in myself. Right now I’ve been too tired after work so I haven’t had time to think about what to do after my contract ends. Not to mention about the legacy I’m not gonna leave behind.

(This post was done with Classic Editor block)

Panicked lifestyle

cycling fast

Don’t panic they say and I do. My panic does show on the outside but on the inside. I might look calm but it’s just a disguise. This is not a lifestyle I want. I don’t like being panicked. I’ve been a busy bee in school and I have no time to do anything. What gives me great pain, is writing a personal vocational skills demonstration where I have to write about where I’ve used what I’ve learned in web design course. There’s no word for it in English so I won’t try to explain it. All I can say is, I hate it and I have to write it in Finnish. Client work is one thing and the other is writing a documentation about it. There are certain things you must have in that report and it’s giving me a rash. I don’t really care now if I fail. I’m probably having second thoughts about it all. My brain just can’t handle that much information. You think web design is easy and when you only are a student who has to write these reports, you think again. I can’t wait until this pain is gone. I have to wait until May 18 when it’s all over. Failed or passed.

This weekend I have to stay at the dorm and I don’t know what’s in store. The charger of my mobile is at home so I don’t know how long it will last. Luckily I have an old model and not of these smart phones that you need to charge everyday. I have to stay here until Tuesday but I don’t think my phone will last that long. Who would I call anyway? Besides it’s a nice weather outside and I have only been there a bit this week. So I need a big break before I have to get back to business. There’s a panicked lifestyle for you.