Bloganuary: Don’t let me be misunderstood

prove them wrong
Photo by Brett Jordan on Pexels.com

Day 9. All the people do is assume wrongly about me. Especially when I meet new people. They think I’m quiet because I don’t start talking to strangers. They don’t even bother getting to know me. It’s their problem and not mine. It’s an introvert thing. I only speak when I have something to say. If people would only bother to ask me something. Why must I be the first one to start anyway. I’m not good at starting conversations. I’ve tried to be more outgoing, but it feels weird. It’s not in my nature to do so. No one knows how it is to be me. If people knew me, they would see I’m not what they think I am. Don’t assume you know me because I’m more than meets the eye.

When I was younger, people thought I was quiet at home too. I was shy around other people, but I was totally the opposite at home. The people I’m close to know I have my own opinions. I’m not afraid to say what is on my mind. Out in public, you need to think about other people’s feelings. You can’t act the same as you do at home. I don’t hurt other people’s feelings on purpose. People think I don’t have opinions, but I do. I just don’t say anything because I don’t like conflicts. Sometimes I have nothing to say, period. I don’t know why I should talk all the time. I don’t like my voice that much.

It’s a shame the world is made for extroverts. If you’re not talkative, they overlook you. If it’s about finding friends or jobs. One of the reasons I’m not good at job interviews is that my answers are short. It doesn’t matter how much I prepare. I always forget to say what I’ve planned. Once when I was an intern in a newspaper, they said I wasn’t social enough. So because I didn’t babble nonsense at work, I’m not social? You can be that even if you don’t talk a lot. I’m an observer, and if I have things to say, I say it. I’m an introvert and not mute.

They say you should be yourself, but then when you are, they think you’re weird. Nothing is ever good enough. I’ve learned through the years that you can’t please other people. They will understand you if they want to, but if they misunderstand you, they will. You can only be the person you know you are. You should focus on the people who do understand you. At least a little.

No one speaks my language

greek writing on a wall
Made in Canva

I speak 3 languages, Finnish, Swedish and English. I also speak sarcasm but most people don’t get it so I don’t use it very often. I just roll my eyes. There are so many stupid people out there who you can roll your eyes to. Or simple people but stupid is a more powerful word. Like in Pet shop boys song, ‘I’m with stupid’, “Is stupid really stupid or a different kind of smart?” Everyone does stupid things sometimes but some take it too seriously. For me, stupid is not being able to do the most simple things like closing a gate or switching a light off. Unless you’ve have some kind of disability and you can’t do those things. People with no common sense are usually the stupid ones. Or maybe it’s just ignorance. People who only think about themselves are also stupid and there are a lot of those. Sometimes I get the feeling I’m the only with a brain. Others are just headless hens running around.

It feels no one speaks my language. I always felt I’ve been misunderstood. Not about what I say but what I am about. People judge you by only looking at you or meeting you and then think that’s what you are. But there’s more than meets the eye. It seems people’s intelligent stops there after they’ve met you. That’s one kind of stupidity, giving up on you too soon. I don’t know how people find any friends in the first place. Maybe I just haven’t met them. I never seem to have anything in common with people. Now even in Helsinki Design School. I don’t think I’ll become friends with any of them. When the education is over that’s it. The same happened last time I went to this school. Maybe I’m just too boring to become friends with. But whatever. It doesn’t hurt me much. It’s better to be alone than be with the wrong people. I don’t need more drama in my life. It’s much nicer to meet new people anyway and not get stick with old ones.

Being rejected by other people doesn’t hurt as much it hurt to be rejected by a job. Not getting that internship still bums me up. Especially when they still have the opportunity open. The interview went well from my part. It was unpaid and still, they didn’t want to give me a chance. Maybe it’s an age thing. It was meant for young people. I know it’s old news that I didn’t get it. I moved on but still when I think about it, it sucks big time. If I can’t even get an unpaid job, how can I get a paid one? In the dark moments, I think of giving up the whole job search and live on well-fare for the rest of my life. But I don’t want to wait for an opportunity that will probably never come. Rejections can make you feel you’re not good enough to be hired. It’s the stupidity of the employers where the fault is. They expect too much and judge a person by how they act in the job interview. If you get one that is which is probably the most frustrating thing when you don’t. I will never succeed in job interviews because I can’t be something I’m not. Therefore, I’m not fit enough for their company but it’s probably not meant to be.

It’s really other people’s problem if they don’t speak the same language as me. I understand myself and that’s what matters. There is always someone who tries to change the person you are. But it’s their stupidity and it has nothing to do with you.