Tag: motivation

Curious me

Mia2 Comments
Photo: Pexels

Learning new things is part of life. You need to be curious, or it will get you bored. You need to be motivated to learn, or it will all be useless. Sometimes learning is so hard you want to give up. I have now had 4 driving lessons, but it seems I’m still not ready for the driving test. In the 2nd lesson, I remembered why I didn’t finish it the first time. There is so much to think about. I actually dread the lessons a bit because I’m afraid to make a mistake. I thought I’m a fast learner, but not when it comes to driving a car. The biggest problem is changing gears. All my energy goes to that. Then there is the pressure from other drivers on the road. It feels like I never learn. At least I’m a bit better. I need to learn the gears better so I can think about other things. One lesson left, but I think the teacher will suggest some more. It was 26 years ago, the last time I drove a car, it takes time to learn again.

Being curious about learning new things hasn’t made my life any better. I’m still unemployed, and I’m turning 44 in June. Apparently, 40-year-olds don’t learn new things anymore. That’s not the reason I haven’t got hired, though. It’s the lack of experience. Maybe I’m not good enough. It’s silly to switch careers when you haven’t even been in the current one. Why would I want to switch when I have finally decided what I want to do? I don’t know what I could do. No matter what I study, I still won’t get a job. Whenever I search for a job, it always requires experience. I have no chance to get any because someone will always have more. I like to learn, so I still do no matter what. It’s the curious me that want to continue. I do it for myself and my own mental health. It’s good for the mind to study things. No one is perfect in anything. Unless you’re a superhuman which I think no one is. Learning new things is not enough. Also, knowing how to do things better. Learning a new computer program and then get better at it, that’s what pays for your efforts.

I used to dislike Adobe Illustrator, but after studied web design, I learned to like it. Our teacher was very good at teaching it, so that must be it. Now I use it daily. I’m still learning it on Behance. You always learn something new every time. Practice makes you better, and you get used to things. But only if you’re motivated. If you’re not curious enough, nothing will make you want to continue. You can’t force yourself to do things that don’t interest you. There are things I want to learn, but I don’t have enough patience to do it. I don’t like difficult things. There isn’t enough time to learn a lot of things. The brain doesn’t have enough memory capacity to handle so much information. Only concentrating on learning what interests you and focus on becoming better at it is more important. I want to learn a lot of different things, because I get bored otherwise. That’s what the curious me want to do.

Not all nomads are lost

Mia4 Comments

When I started blogging in 2014, I didn’t know what kind of blog I would have. I knew it wouldn’t be the same as everyone else. I wanted it to be different. I also didn’t want my life to be out there on the internet. I’m a private person and I don’t have anything interesting to say. I just wanted to write things down and share it with others. In the beginning, I was disappointed I didn’t get any likes. There are still blog posts that don’t get many. Like the last post. It only got 2 likes. Maybe some got a little more. Maybe I just don’t have anything new to say so I repeat things. You would think people would have time to read blogs right now but I guess not. It just feels like people only like the blog post picture and don’t read at all. Maybe I’m just expecting too much. This is already the 7th year and still, it feels like I’ve just begun. Whatever reason, I’m still gonna blog though because I’m doing it for me. And to practice English.

I’m not that excited about blogging like I used to be. I just feel I have nothing new to say. I’m a nomad because I don’t really know where I’m going with this blog anymore. Luckily I only blog as a hobby so I don’t have to write if I don’t feel like it. If I earned money for blogging it would feel forced to write something. Now I have a choice and if I don’t have anything to write then I don’t. Some people think blogging is for business only but you can also have it as a hobby. So not all nomads are lost. You can find your motivation at your own pace and that’s what blogging is all about. Making yourself feel good and maybe someone else will relate to you too.

Retire or keep on trying

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two red wooden chairs
Made in Canva

Sometimes I wonder if I should just retire and forget everything. But I’m too young to do so. If I retired my pension would be quite small. I’m a healthy person and I have no serious problems that could affect my daily life. Every time I see someone who has got a job through an internship or got some great experiences from something, I get this worthless feeling about myself. Other people get things done and all I’m doing is thinking about it. They are also given a chance. If I was offered a job, for example, I would consider taking it. Things like that only happen to others.

You shouldn’t compare yourself to others but in some things, you can’t help it. For me, it’s design skills. I wish I was as confident in it as I am with writing. I have this thought in the back of my head that someone is saying, “even I could do that” Someone actually said that about a photograph I took once. What worries me about my designs is the opinion that it isn’t anything special. I had the same feeling when I got feedback from the teacher about an assignment in graphic design at Helsinki Design School. It was just a feeling and it doesn’t mean they really meant it that way. Now when I see work from current students, I feel even worse because the works are actually good. They’ve had ideas I would never have thought of. In the end, it’s the clients who choose who they want to hire and not what you’re teacher have told you about your assignments. I can’t see anyone hiring me though because my work isn’t amazing. Only average and no one wants to pay for something they can do themselves.

It’s kind of silly to retire when I haven’t done much. Or maybe having unfinished business is the better description. I feel useless and unwanted when it comes to working. You’re either wanted for an internship nor part-time work. Not getting any work experience in your own field is even worse. I have done another job application that isn’t in my field but I don’t know if that will change one bit. I suck at writing applications because I never know what to write. It’s so stressful so I wish I could retire from job search altogether. That’s probably the only thing I want to retire from. But as long as I’m at the age that I can work, I have the obligation (or forced) to do the job searching thing. All you can do is keep on trying and hope for the best.