Tag: my mother

Advent Calendar, Day 9

Mia6 Comments
christmas food on the table
Christmas dinner at home
Missing you

Christmas has never been the same since you’ve been gone

You made the holidays

We made Christmas food together

We baked and we spent precious time

You taught me things no one else could

When I had troubles I could talk to you and ask  for advice

Now when you’re gone I’m missing you

Christmas is the hardest, especially the first

I still feel sad when I think about it

Things were never the same again

When we didn’t spent Christmas at home

We did it somewhere else

We had our ups and downs but there will never be someone like you

Now it’s Christmas time again and I’m missing you

I wish you could celebrate it here like we used to

But you’re somewhere where I can’t follow

With tears in my eyes I try to think you’re in a better place

It doesn’t change the fact that I’m still missing you

 

 

 

Tallenna

Tallenna

Advent Calendar, Day 5

MiaLeave a comment
butterfly
Butterfly girl by Duran Duran

For some Christmas can be a depressive time but there’s still a tomorrow after that. Instead of listening to Christmas carols, you can listen to songs that lifts up your spirit. Instead of wishing to vanish from this earth, how about trying to think something positive. Of course it’s difficult to tell a person who actually do suffer from mental illness to get over it. But if you only feel down from time to time, then thinking positive can help.

When I feel down, music is my savor. The lyric in the photo is from a song by Duran Duran. The lyrics say

Now you’re drunk in the dream of your life as dirt
It might last forever, and that really hurts
And I still hope you’re gonna realize
There’s only one kind of happy in that glass of wine

Some find comfort in food or alcohol but that’s not away to feel better. The problems will still be there. You should try to handle your feelings in some other way. Things are never as bad as we think they are. There’s always a solution to everything. The problem with humans are that we think we’re alone with our problems but there are others too who suffer the same way. That’s one of the reasons why blogging is such a good way to express yourself. Not just blogging but writing in general is good therapy. It doesn’t need to be online. I wrote diaries for years and it helped me a lot. Substances are only a temporary solution and it causes more problems. Talking to someone or writing about your feelings is a much more effective way.

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday but in recent years it has become less important. The reason is that our family has reduced. Now it’s only me and my father left. We will be going to Riga again this year because that’s the easiest. As a kid the holiday was more important. I think when I’m alone, I won’t be celebrating it at all. Christmas food has never really been my favorite food anyway. I’m a bit lazy to make any and the ones you can buy are not good at all. The only thing I would make myself is a dry cake and joulutorttu (Christmas tart) Christmas won’t never be a depressive time for me because I’ll always find something positive about it. The only time I was sad at Christmas was when my mother had died about 8 days earlier (December 15, 2013) I still get teared up when I think about that Christmas. Nothing felt important. I only wanted to cry. She was the one who made Christmas. When she was gone, it was never the same again.

Listening to lyrics that tells about things that turns into positive is a great boost. It makes you feel better and it helped me cope with my mourning period. For example the Monty Python song “Always look on the bright side of life” No matter how bad things are, there’s always something good. That song always brings a smile on my face. There are a lot of other songs of positive thinking. Even a beat of a song makes me happy. Music all year around and not only at Christmas. That’s the right drug to be addicted to.

 

 

 

Tallenna

Tallenna

Happy birthday and anniversary dear mum in heaven

Mia1 Comment
orchid
My mothers orchid in bloom 2016

It’s soon been 3 years since mother was taken away from us. She would have turned 71 today and my parents would have been married for 44 years. This post is not about celebrations though.
It’s mythical what happens for a person who passes away. My mother didn’t think anything happens. You just die and that’s it. I really hope it isn’t so. But no one will never know what really happens after we’re dead. Maybe it feels better to think that there are a life after this one. Death in general can be intimating for some but for me it’s just natural. No one get out of this world alive so death is nothing to be afraid of.

What scares me the most is what happens in this world. When I die I hope it’s not in pain. I hope I won’t get a disease like my sister and mother did. I’ve seen how it does to a person and I don’t want to experience that. But you never know what way you die. I could be walking down the street and bang, a car hits me. I rather die quickly than slowly and in pain. I hate pain. Even menstrual cramps makes feel ill.
I’m also afraid of dying before I get to live a life. Death itself is not scary to me. When I was a teen, I had days I wish I wasn’t alive. I didn’t plan to kill myself, it never went that far. But I was depressed when it felt like I wasn’t good enough. You say things when your angry but regret it later. It wouldn’t have been fair to my parents if I died. They had suffered enough. Luckily I grew out of it when I became an adult. Now my life is precious to me even if there are things missing.

Why do we remember deceased birthdays? They’re not here to see and hear it. I think it’s just a way to remember them. It’s not like we’re gonna forget they’re dead. We remember them at Christmas and All Saint’s day (at least in Finland) so why not birthdays. We don’t celebrate a birthday like a person who’s alive. But there’s nothing wrong with remembering a person who’s not. It’s a great comfort to think there is a life after this and thinking the person watches over you. A birthday of them is one way to celebrate the memories of them.

If there is a heaven, my mother would be celebrating one way or another. So have a happy birthday mum and we’re remembering yours here on earth.

Tallenna

Tallenna