Tag: my mother

Writing 101:God, the serial killer that never gets caught

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Today’s writing 101 is perfect for me. If someone knows about loss, it’s me. It feels like my whole life has been about loss. Nothing is worse than losing a loved one. Going personal now even if this blog is not about that. This will be a difficult task for me to write but I have to do it. So here it goes.

It started in 1983 (soon my age will be revealed :D) I was 6 years old. My big sister had been ill since she was a child but it got worse as she got older. I was so young at the time so I don’t remember much about it. She spent her time in the hospital a lot. That’s one of the reasons I don’t like hospitals. My mother had to stop working to care of her at home. I went to preschool so my mother could concentrate on my sister’s well-being. All I remember her laying on the hospital bed with see-through plastic over her bed and her food didn’t stay inside her stomach her anymore. I don’t exactly know what kind of disease she had. It was something about her immune system.

So on October 26, they called from the hospital that my sister had passed away. I don’t remember how the news was told to me. I asked my mother about it years later. I had been in my bedroom making a box out of Lego and put Lego pieces in it. She asked what I was doing and I asked who will give her food now (or something like that) Just the thought about a 6-year-old wondering about that is heartbreaking. I don’t think I really understood what had happened. That was the first time I knew what loss was. It turned my life completely. I’ve thought about how my life would have been if it things wouldn’t have turned out the way they did. I never talked about my sister because people wouldn’t have understood anyway. I did that a few times and they just felt sorry for me. I just didn’t like the look on their faces. There was an incident in school with a class mate once but my mother never told me what it was even if I asked. I don’t remember any of it. Maybe it was for the better. Growing up without a sibling, takes its toll. I would be a total different person if I had my sister around. She was only 10 and too young to die. I was glad she was my sister.

Even if I’m not religious, I do believe in God. Even if God is the serial killer that never gets caught. He takes people away from you no matter how important they are to you. It doesn’t matter if they’re good, God still punishes you. Maybe there is a reason for it. But it doesn’t stop there. Just when you thought your life is back on track, next thing happens.

To be continued…

It’s your birthday they say

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Today it’s my birthday (and Wentworth Miller) It’s also the 1st time my mother is not around. Birthdays doesn’t mean that much to me. It was different when I was a kid. Presents and that stuff. Today birthdays are just one step closer to death. Even if it’s at least 40 years left of my life. Age is nothing but a number anyway. A lot of people are afraid to get old but not to me. We are meant to get old. No one lives forever. It’s not what age you are, it’s about what age you feel.

For me, my birthday is just going out to lunch (like me and dad did today) and that’s about it. Besides I hate parties anyway so I don’t need that.

 

IBQ Writing Prompt: Garden

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Was thinking about this song when I saw this week’s IBQ Prompt.

I always lived in a flat so I never had a garden. I just think digging in dirt is creepy and I dislike worms. Just bugs in general. My mother was keen on planting flowers and taking care of them. There’s a lot of flowers on our flower table at home. Now when she’s gone, I have to take care of them. I’ve only watered them and I’ve never changed soil on them. It’s not really appealing to me to do so either. Plants in pots is where I draw the line. Other touching dirt things is out of the questions. Just the thought of worms gives me chills.
The cemetery was our garden. My mother planted flowers on the small spot on front of our family grave almost every year. She also planted a plant on the yard of our building once.

I like gardens in general. I’m impressed how some people have beautiful gardens with a lots of different flowers and plants. We have a botanical garden outside the city. They have big greenhouses and an outdoor garden where you can walk around for free. Looking at gardens are more my thing. And who doesn’t want to look at beautiful things.