This is another boring post. Nothing unexpected ever happens anyway. The only thing that has happened is that this blog now has over 800 likes. Small yay. Sometimes I wonder if I’m a weirdos magnet. I don’t mean this blog. It’s more about social media. I don’t know if I bother to use it as much anymore. I rarely get any reactions to my tweets. It depends on the subject, though. I never get decent followers. Maybe I’m being chased by bots. I’m not even sure my followers on Twitter are real people. The same with Instagram. Some of them are real people. But they’re just there. Using social media as a hobby isn’t a big deal. I have no luck in the business one either.
I don’t know why I write this blog post. I have nothing to say. I could have only let it be. I’m so boring, and no one truly cares. No one is maybe a tad extreme, though. Sometimes only writing to myself isn’t enough. Why bother to do anything? Everything is so boring. They were boring long before covid. Nothing unexpected happens to me anyway. If my life was a TV series, it would the most boring ever. I’m so untalented too. My work never gets mentioned on someone’s Instagram. It makes me feel down every time this place (Helsinki Design School) shows their current students work on their account. My assignment wasn’t that good, and I still blow at it. I will never become a graphic designer—any designer for that matter. Many of my former schoolmates have probably moved on, and who knows what kind of great achievements they already have. I’m mostly disappointed in myself for being such a lazy person. I can only blame myself for not being brave enough. I also have awful ideas. Or no ideas at all, so I don’t feel like practising it either.
I don’t feel like writing this post anymore. I only want to watch videos on Youtube or something else online. So nothing unexpected ever happens. Well, I don’t want drama anyway.
When I die I won’t leave a legacy of any kind to anyone. I probably give all the money to charity and the stuff I probably throw in the trash. I won’t be remembered for anything special. It doesn’t really matter what happens after my death because, well I’m dead. Some people want to make a big deal of what they leave behind. I only want a normal and quiet life without unnecessary drama. I don’t need to impress anyone. Not everyone will leave a legacy and it doesn’t matter either.
I settle for little. I don’t know why you should do anything special in this life. If you want to be at the top of the world and you don’t feel complete unless you experience something out of the ordinary, so be it. But don’t expect others to do the same. I only want to do things that please me. I don’t need excitement to feel human but not being bored either. Pleasing at least one person is enough. For example at work when someone tells me I’ve done something right, it feels I’ve accomplished something good. I don’t need fireworks to feel needed.
There are many who use social media to feel important. I got back to Instagram yesterday (@liuzzia5) because I got a better phone (Apple iPhone SE2020) and I can download it again. Even if it’s a popularity contest the whole app I still use it. It’s a bit of a waste of time if you ask me. I have never really gotten the point of the whole thing. I only get a few likes and sometimes none. But I only use it for my own amusement. I never know what kind of hashtags I should use and I don’t bother with it. It takes all the fun out of Instagram. I prefer Pinterest more than that because there you don’t need to think that much about hashtags.
In certain things, I wish people gave me more likes. E.g. graphic design or photography. Comments would be much more prefered though. Maybe social media is not the right platform or something for that. I don’t want to become famous or anything. Or leave a legacy for the future generation. But knowing I’m not wasting my time on something I’m not really good at would be nice to know. Maybe I’ll always only remain an amateur. I know I should be more confident in myself. Right now I’ve been too tired after work so I haven’t had time to think about what to do after my contract ends. Not to mention about the legacy I’m not gonna leave behind.
I don’t memorise years so I don’t know what happened when. All I know is that in 10 years I haven’t accomplished nothing to brag about. When others have had career moves, families and other things they’re proud of, I’ve just hung on. But I’ve learned to enjoy the small things because big things only disappoint. If I went to a school reunion I would feel like a failure because I haven’t done anything. I wouldn’t even go. Some people think they need to do something special so they can call them living life. I have never needed to go to some other place to find myself. Whatever finding yourself means. Anyway, the point with this post is going down the memory lane. I got this idea from a post on Instagram.
I studied graphic design in a 2-year education. This was the 2nd year. That’s all of that year.
I graduated from the graphic design education. This was the last year we went to Lapland to ski. I didn’t know it would be the last.
My mother was diagnosed with cancer which was a big chocker. She got treatment and went through operations. There were still hope she would win the decease. The year was a lot of that so I don’t remember anything else. Oh, besides I got an internship in a local newspaper for two weeks as a photographer. Even if my mother was sick she was still concerned about me finding a job.
This year was the most difficult time for me and my family. Mother told us her cancer couldn’t be cured. The doctor had done everything but nothing helped. Soon she got worse and maybe two weeks (or a week) at the hospice she was gone. That Christmas was the worse.
This year I started this blog. I did write occasionally in 2013 but 2014 was the year I really started it. I also studied photography at Helsinki Design School.
I finished photography education. I realised I didn’t want to do photography like a pro after all so it was time to think about something else once again.
I found a web design education that lasted a year. I applied and got in. I wrote a blog about my education which is called ‘My Web Design Haven’. I don’t write it anymore but here it is. The education included on-the-job learning where you should find clients by yourself. Luckily I found at least one. That was hard because coding is not my favourite thing but luckily the client was very understanding. I got good feedback from the client as well.
There was another on the job learning and this time we had to have at least 3 clients. I found them but only two of them was serious. This was the time I really started to think about entrepreneurship. I really liked the thought of not having to go anywhere and I could choose my own time. To pass the education we had to have a presentation of our client work in front of 3 valuators. It was really nerve-wracking. In the end, I passed and graduated. I only had one job interview but that’s something I don’t want to remember. I went to my first ever live concert that summer and that was Robbie Williams. I wasn’t sure I would go but I’m glad I did.
At the beginning of that year, I got accepted to a course about entrepreneurship. It was mostly done online but we had some meetings too. The hardest part was writing a business plan. After that course, I decided to apply to Helsinki Design School again. This time in graphic design. I applied to it twice and the 2nd time I got in. My plan was to add graphic design to my services if I would become an entrepreneur.
I was on a plane for the first time in my life. I and dad went to the Canarian Islands. I got through the graphic design education. This is where I began to rethink about entrepreneurship and I’m still doubting. I applied for a job in something else but the interview was just that and nothing else. I hate it when I have to assume I didn’t get the job. Again they didn’t give me an answer. But I didn’t want the job anyway.
Then there’s this year. I’m getting a new laptop because my old one has Windows 7 and they won’t update that anymore. I’m changing brands as well. It’s a Mac which I’ve used before so it’s nothing new. Then there’s the concert by Elton John at the end of summer. That’s all I know so far.
So there you have it. Ten years of nothing is not entirely true. I did do things so it’s not all boring. Both happy and sad things but nothing to brag about on social media and such. Where I will be ten years later is a question I don’t want to reply to. I don’t even know what I’m doing at the weekend. No one really knows what will happen in 10 years. It’s only wishful thinking.