Living on my own

pawns
Made in Canva

A lot of people complain about their relationship status. They’re trying to find The One. Finding that partner to make them feel alive. Some of them are afraid to die alone. What’s so bad about that anyway? You probably gonna do that anyway. No one knows how they’re gonna die. So that’s not really a good reason. Maybe some need someone in their life but I don’t. I like living on my own. I’m like Peter Pan who don’t want to do adult stuff like dating. Who would even want to date me? I never even liked anyone enough to date them. Only men who I can’t have. Relationships have too much drama. I’ve got other things to do and think about. Unless someone like Tom Hiddleston comes along (Which he isn’t) Then I could consider dating.

I don’t find anything good about being in a relationship. Men probably want someone who can substitute their mother. I don’t know what’s so wrong about being single. You read about these celebrities having a new relationship as soon as the old is over. Where do they find a new one that fast? Is there a store where you can find them? Then they only date other celebs. What’s that about? Being an ordinary person is not good enough for them? When I see celebs actually being married or dating a so-call normal person, I salute them. But they probably met through a friend or working behind the scenes in something. I don’t mean I would want to date a celebrity. In some cases, I hate the word ‘celebrity’ because they’re more than that to me.  A shame no one of these people is ordinary that you can meet in your local store.

Living on your own is so much better. You can stay up as late as you like without having to hear, “Close that television and go to sleep, will you?” You can clean your flat when you feel like it. You only need to wash your own clothes. You don’t have to take care of anyone else but yourself. You can watch anything on television without having to argue about it. You can meet your friends when it best suits you. Just to mention a few. Not everyone wants to have other people around all the time. If you want company you can go outside and see other people.

If you want an ordinary life with a husband and 1,5 kids then it’s your choice. But don’t go around telling others they should too because it’s so ‘wonderful’ There are people who don’t want that kind of life. Relatives are the worse in this case. They expect you to be like everyone else. Everything that goes on in your life, is no concern of theirs. You should be allowed to keep things to yourself. I don’t go and tell people how to live their life so I expect them to do the same. What I dislike the most is people telling me what to do. Forcing others to do things they don’t want to won’t help anyone. It just makes people agitated and conflict will arise. You need to accept differences and let people be (or do) what suits them the best.

Partner in crime

two lionsEveryone seems to have that one person in life they feel most attached to. If it’s a partner in an intimate relationship or friendship. I’ve had my share of friendships and even a few so called flings. Online mostly. I wish I’ve had that partner in crime I could open up to. Tell them secrets no one else knows about. Doing things we both enjoy. I’ve never had that best friend I could confide in. But I’m a loner and I’m quite used to it. It’s one kind of freedom. I can do what I please and I don’t have to wait for another person if we’ve arranged a meeting. Not having that friend, does have its disadvantages though. Especially when going to the movies. It would be nice to have someone to discuss it with afterwards. There’s a lot of people online who has the same favourites as you but it’s not the same. It lacks the human touch. Friendships seem to walk past me.

I can hear someone suggesting I should find some organisation (or something like that) where I could meet other people. But the problem is, it’s not my cup of tea. Finns especially are hard to become friends with. I know since I’ve experienced it a lot of times. When I studied web design, it showed how much difference there is between Finns and foreigners. They’re more talkative. The Finns didn’t talk to me that much, except one. Finding friends is much easier than finding that partner in crime. I can never found a friend who I have something in common with. Most people at my ages have families or are married. They discuss things I don’t know anything about. Being an introvert makes it even harder to talk to strangers. If I do talk to them, it doesn’t become a friendship.

People look for the one to share their life with but I’ve looked for friendships my whole life. Maybe my destiny is to be alone and I never find that partner in crime. It’s a bit of a dilemma. I want to be alone but sometimes I wish I had a friend to share things with. It’s just that I can never find a person who’s at the same wave length as me. It feels like my life hasn’t changed much. It’s like I mature slower than most people. I’m mentally 16 but others are at their real age. I’ve always felt I was smarter than other people at my age. I’ve never been experimental because I didn’t find anything fun about it. I don’t feel I’ve missed anything. You can’t miss something you have never experienced. I won’t get depressed about how my life went when I get old. I’m not one of those people who will say, I wish I had done that. The same goes with the partner in crime bit. I like meeting different people and I don’t necessarily need a special person in my life.

I’ve mentioned in a few posts on this blog how easily bored I get. The same goes with other people. I don’t want to get attached to people too much. I’ve had too many sad moments in my life. My biggest fear has always been losing a loved one and they all came true. No one lives forever but they were taken too early from me. I’ve also got hurt too many times, my trust is limited. I don’t want to admit it and less think about it. But deep inside I know the reason why I always like someone I can’t have. It’s because it’s easier and you don’t get hurt or rejected. Sometimes it’s hard to like someone from a far. You wish they could know you but you’ll never meet them. A fantasy does never become reality. You can’t make someone like you the way you like them. Life is not a soap opera where you do anything to make that person yours. I don’t even think I could stick to one person the rest of my life. No matter if it’s your partner in crime in friendship or an intimate relationship, it’s better to live alone than suffer from heartache. It might sound harsh but if you’ve gone through life the way I have, your trust in people is hard to get back.

Tallenna

Tallenna