Broken for a moment
I never have broken any bones, just a fracture
But I was broken for a moment when you went away
I know you wanted me to move on
I was broken for a moment
It wasn’t despair but your death was a shock
You were sick and you knew you wouldn’t survive
I was broken for a moment but now I feel good
I miss you every day but it was for the better
I was broken for a moment but I moved on
You might be there somewhere to look after me
I was broken for a moment but look, mum, I survived
As a Gemini, I have two sides. One is the quiet and observant introvert and the other is an opinionated and honest individual. But only when I’m around people I know. It’s a juxtapose of a Gemini. Most people don’t realise there is another side of me. But they don’t usually bother to get to know me better to find out. If I act differently from the usual people are surprised. I do have that ‘crazy’ side but I only show it to the right people. I might look serious but I can be silly too. It just needs to be the right moment and mood. When I’m comfortable with someone I show that other side to them.
I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s an age thing but recently I thought about past happenings. People I met and so on. Especially experiences from the opposite sex. I won’t go into detail since it’s personal stuff. Let’s just say, it feels like I attract idiots to myself. It’s either guys I don’t feel drawn to or it’s guys that are idiots. Mostly the latter. No wonder I fall for men I can’t have. It saves me from heartache. I never meet anyone like Tom Hiddleston or Lee Pace. OK, I don’t know them for real but they seem decent and not arrogant at all. But there’s is no such men in real life. They probably wouldn’t even look my way. Some men expect women to be like models but the men themselves look like they’re from a horror movie. It’s all true, good men are hard to find. They either taken, gay or idiots. If I used something like Tinder I would probably be rejected there too. Some might be scared to be dying alone but I don’t stress about it. Once you’ve seen the promising land, single life, there is no turn back. That’s better then be cheated on or be dumped because of the guy found someone much younger than you. At least that’s what you read about. It doesn’t mean it would happen to me.
I’m more than meets the eye but it’s always been about looks. Even in friendships. From my experience, girls especially, are quite judgemental. If you don’t do girly stuff, you’re out of their circle. This is just my point of view. It doesn’t mean it’s entirely true. I met women who aren’t like that at all. But when you’re a teenager, these things affect you. I guess my former classmates were self-observed. They probably didn’t even have bad skin. If girls don’t judge you, then the opposite sex will. Being yourself isn’t enough. You also have to look like any other girl/women. I don’t envy teenage girls of today. With this internet thing and all. It’s a sensitive age where this kind of things can affect you. It doesn’t help that these celebrities date or marry beautiful people. Boys see these girls/women and they grow up thinking this is what women should look like. I think it’s a bit strange how these celebs find these people and even marry them. How could they know they find the one? Do they choose them because they don’t want to be judged by other people? I just think it’s isn’t entirely possible to find the one among beautiful people. It could even be me. What I’m saying is, looks aren’t everything but in my world, it seems to be. I’m a likeable person and I care about others but I don’t get any credit for that. But because I look the way I do, I get overlooked.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If someone judges you by your appearance, they only look down on you. People like that are not worth having. It’s really their loss if they don’t want to be your friend or date you because of the way you look. I used to feel so worthless and unwanted. The good thing about getting older is that you stop caring what others think. I’m happy for who I am and I don’t need to change because someone has a certain formula to go by. I don’t have to act or look like any other female. I’m a tomboy for crying out loud. This post, in the beginning, might sound I felt down but that was an hour ago. That’s a juxtapose of a Gemini, I change my mind all the time. What I don’t change is my way of looking at the world. I try to stay positive even if it’s sometimes hard. I wish others would think more about deep things in this superficial universe. There are more important things to care about than how you look to other people. All that matters is that you feel good about yourself and you’re proud of who you are.
People always think they know you because you act a certain way or look a certain way. An assumption is a bad way to judge a person. You shouldn’t assume anything in this world. If you litter in nature, for example, you shouldn’t assume someone else will pick it up. You shouldn’t assume other people will do the work for you. Some people take things for granted and judge before even getting to know the real fact about a person or things.
I don’t know how many times in my life, people have assumed. They think they know me as soon as they see me. I’m never been good with first impressions which are one reason why I fail in a job interview and such. When I was a child assumption from other people have lowered my self- esteem. Teenage years was even worse. Now I don’t care what others think and I don’t get offended. I think it’s really other people problems. So what are they, you ask. Well, here is 5 of those things and the facts.
People thought I was a boy because I had short hair
I’ve always been a tomboy. I did play with dolls but also with toy cars. I also wore dresses and skirts when I was younger. I remember one time when I was in a movie theatre with my mother. I belonged to a movie club when I was about 9 or 10. I went to the bathroom and this lady told me. ‘Sorry this is the ladies room’ Then she looked at me one more time and said sorry. I remember it so well like it was yesterday. It wasn’t the last time someone mistook me for a boy. I really hated it and thought people were blind. Last time I had short hair was in 6th grade and I’ve had long hair ever since.
I’m anti-social because I don’t talk much
I was an intern in a local newspaper as a photographer for two weeks in 2012. The feedback was, I wasn’t social enough. I was there for 2 weeks and they thought I wasn’t social enough?! I did talk to my co-workers so how much talk did they expect from me? I’m not bitter though. I did get something out of the internship. Like my photographs got published. But this whole anti-social thing was silly. You can be social even if you don’t talk much. You should talk just because of talking. If you don’t have anything to say why to force it.
Because I don’t wear makeup I must be a man
This is a bit like the thinking I’m a boy but this was is in adulthood. This really is something that makes me feel bad about myself. So I don’t wear makeup. Maybe because I’m too lazy to put that on and then take it off again. Besides, my skin is sensitive and makeup just irritates my skin. I rather do something else than bother every morning with animal tested paint. If people think I look like a man because I don’t wear it, then so be it. I’m not blessed with pretty looks and makeup won’t help either. Why would I wear it anyway? To impress men? Sorry, but I’m not here to impress others with my appearance. It’s the inside that counts in the end. I rather am alone then pretending to look like someone else. If no guy likes me for who I am, then it’s their loss. If they rather date a woman with warpaint on their faces, it’s their business.
You still don’t have a career, you must be retarded
Maybe not with those words but it does feel like it. Before I had any degrees the employment agency tried to put me on different courses. There were career coaching and job search courses. I did a lot of different personality tests. In the end, it felt like they thought nothing is good enough for me. I just didn’t know what I wanted to do. Now when I do have degrees, it’s the job search. They probably think I’m retarded and that I can’t take care of my own needs. This is just something I feel and not what they really think. They probably tired of me already that I can’t find a job. It’s not really my fault there aren’t enough of jobs.
You have a lively inner life so cut it out
Like that’s a bad thing. Before I knew I was an introvert, this felt like I shouldn’t be like this. So what if I have. It helps me a lot when I write fanfiction. I rather live in my head than in real life. In my head, things go right. Everyone there lives by the script. In real life, people have their own will and you can’t tell them what to do. In my head, I get the guy I want and it has a happy ever after ending. In real life, there are idiots but so there is in my head too. But they get what they deserve. I’m brave in my head and I don’t feel awkward when I talk to strangers. The life in my head is easier. It’s an escape from the real world and if I cut it out, you take a part of me too.
So there you have it. Never assumption anyone before you get to know the person. Put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if someone assumed about you and your life? You wouldn’t want to be judged by assumptions. People think they know you but they don’t really. Not in 5 minutes, that’s for sure no matter who you are.
In my world 