Life is a smorgasbord

small chocolate cakes

Smorgasbord (a.k.a. buffet) is not only something we eat on Stockholm cruises everytime we go. It’s also life. It’s all about choices. There is a lot of them and sometimes we don’t like the choices we make. Or we don’t know what to take because everything looks tempting. The other is to have enough courage to try something new.

I wish I could be like how Anthony Bourdain was (RIP) He was never afraid to eat what he was offered. He always tried something new. I could never do it. I’m very picky about food and I’m always reserved for trying something new. Once I was brave enough to try sushi which I would never have done when I was younger. I didn’t like the food but at least I tried. I’m not only picky when it comes to food. I would want to be brave like Bourdain but with career choices. I’m probably the most indecisive person there is. I just think and think but I’m too much of coward to do anything about it.

I’ve had a lot of ideas about what I wanted to do. I was at the smorgasbord of career choices but there were just too many things I wanted. Or too many boring choices. I was too concentrated on what I wanted to do so other people have gone past me on the life train. Age is nothing but a number and it doesn’t mean experience. Some 20 years old can have more experience than me. I might have more life experience but it doesn’t mean I’ve tasted life more. In some things, I can be more experienced but not when it comes to jobs. There’s a big gap in my work history. The employers would probably think what I’ve done all my life if I hadn’t studied something. Now I still don’t have a job so some people would probably think something is wrong with me. Well, so what? No one is perfect. There’s is no time machine so I can’t go back and change my past.

There is a choice on the smorgasbord of career choices and that’s entrepreneurship. I’ve been to the course and found information of it by myself. I even have a business plan. So what am I waiting for? Mostly courage I think. It’s so hard to start anything when you have so much else to do. Maybe it’s because it’s summer and holiday season so I just wait for Autumn. The only thing I know I’ll do is the graphic design course. For now, I just want to explore the smorgasbord of freedom. I think about those other things later.

The birthday person today is

birthday cake
My birthday cake I made myself.

So here we are again. At my birthday. It’s also a birthday of Prison Break star, Wentworth Miller and actor Zachary Quinto, my birthday twin. I don’t mind having a birthday, it’s the getting older bit that is not so much fun. It means more problems. But I’m not that old though. Age is a number that doesn’t tell you the whole truth. Someone at their 20’s can be as wise as a 40-year-old. Or it can also be the other way around. Young and stupid. It really depends what you’ve been through in your life. If I hadn’t experienced the things I have, I don’t think I would be the way I am today. There are things I haven’t experienced. Like rowing a boat but I fear deep water so I wouldn’t even try it. I haven’t met the people I wanted to meet. To make things short, there is a lot I haven’t done.

Life doesn’t always go as you plan so I stopped planning because it fails anyway. If I have ideas they turn out to be bad. I take the days as they come. I don’t know what I do in 5 years since I don’t even know what I do next week. I have wishes and hopes but I don’t have enough of courage to do them. At least nothing big. Sometimes I hate being so indecisive but I don’t want to think about one thing at a time. I get bored easily so I need stimulation. I wish I was brave enough to get out of the box so to speak. Like trying entrepreneurship. If I don’t do something risky at least once in my life, I will regret it. I don’t want to rush things because then things won’t get rightly done.

So it’s my birthday today. I have never been into parties. Birthdays for me are just that. One year older. This year I baked a cake and going on a cruise with my dad. Daughter and father quality time thing, you know. That’s all the celebration I will have and then go back to normal again. And of course, eat cake. There is no birthday without it.