Not that fearless any longer

old typewriter
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I used to fear things but became more fearless as I got older. I guess it was because my mother died and I had to be. I didn’t like to talk to strangers, so I didn’t speak to them. It wasn’t because of fear; I felt awkward and wanted to leave. Still, there are days when I don’t feel like talking to anyone, but it isn’t about fear. It’s about being an introvert. Or maybe I don’t have the courage on that day. I think before I speak. Some days, I’m fearless and have no trouble talking to a stranger. The only thing I still fear is talking on the phone. No way I want to do that. I prefer Emails. I don’t answer unknown numbers. Unless it’s essential.

I’m also fearless when I drive a car. I’ve had my driver’s license for almost 3 years and didn’t know if I dared to drive alone. My dad was always with me, but now, when I had to drive alone for a month, I realised it wasn’t that bad. I guess I’ve learned to drive the car. That’s what experience gives you. I still don’t like driving in traffic or on the highway, though. I fear I get in the way or I crash into someone. I drive my dad’s car, which is an older car, so I had to learn how to drive that; it’s only now that I have enough confidence to drive it. The car was a new model in driving school, so driving was different. Both vehicles have a stick shift, but there were 6 gears in driving school when my dad’s car had 5. Driving is fun when you’re fearless.

I can be fearless when it comes to trying new things. Like food, but I want to know what it contains. I’ve cooked new things, and some of them have been good. I have even cooked it again. My mother and I used to try different recipes. She’s the reason why I know how to cook. When you cook yourself, you know what you get. The two ingredients I dislike the most are mushrooms and broccoli. I’m not so fond of cheese either, but in certain foods, it’s alright. I can’t stand it when they put mushrooms in many things. If there are, I take them out. I’m not that fearless that I eat anything.

Being fearless doesn’t mean parachute jumping or rock climbing. It can also be mentally fearless or being fearless in everyday situations. It can be a temporary feeling that might come back, or it may not. We’re all different and see the word differently. That’s something we have to appreciate in other people. You shouldn’t understate opinions about what the words mean to them. You can agree to disagree, but it’s pointless to argue about it. No one should be that fearless to hurt feelings.

Bloganuary: Nothing to be scared of

woman looking scared
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What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

Bloganuary 2024

I wouldn’t call it being scared, but becoming an entrepreneur is worrying. I’ve been to a course about it and researched about it. But the course was some years ago. I still haven’t gotten around to it. It’s a big step to take and many things to think about. You can’t claw your way to success. At least I don’t have it in me. What worries me the most is the financial prospect of it. The other is if I have enough skills to run a design business. I don’t have work experience in the field I’ve studied. I don’t even know what kind of services I want to provide. I don’t know if I can ask the right questions and if I fulfil clients’ requests. Even getting clients is a worrying thing. Networking is not my strongest suit, and neither is my portfolio. I only have schoolwork there. I don’t have any family or friends for whom I could do projects to fill it. I’m like a fish out of water compared to others. Many graphic design entrepreneurs have the same services and much more experience than I do. How can I compete with that? And they are younger too. They also show their faces, which I don’t want to do. It won’t help much if someone says I should do it because I’ve tried, but there never seems to be enough time to start.

If I got a part-time job, I could run a business on the side, but it is a different matter if I have the strength to do it after work. If I had a job, I would at least get paid. The trouble with having a job is getting up early in the morning. As an entrepreneur, you can have your own schedule and don’t need to go anywhere. You also don’t need to endure the pain of applying for jobs. If it was easy to find a client, becoming an entrepreneur would also be easier. It’s more challenging when you don’t have a great portfolio. The business owner makes it look so easy, but the truth isn’t as easy as it looks. Maybe I need more confidence in myself. I didn’t think entrepreneurship would be for me, but not finding a job has changed that thought. The other reason why I started to think about it was when I worked with clients during web design education in 2017. I could do the projects at my own pace, which felt good.

I should claw myself out of this insecurity and just do it, or I’ll regret it. I only need to get a grip on myself. I know I don’t want to be without work forever. Life must be something more than just being without anything to do. If no one else won’t give you a purpose, then you should give it to yourself.

Bloganuary: “I don’t whine” – Daphne Moon

green mailbox on brickwall
Made in Canva

What do you complain about the most?

Bloganuary 2024

Nothing in life is perfect. You can complain all day long about the small things, but some things you can’t do anything about. I try not to complain online. You can be alienated by other people if that’s all you do. When I complain, it’s about hot weather. I hate it, and I don’t miss it at all. Maybe it’s the hot weather I complain about the most. Weather is something you can’t change, but we still complain about it.

This is not a complaint, but sometimes it feels like other people alienate me on social media. No matter what I post, it’s like talking to a wall. I might get a few likes, but comments are rare or never seen. It feels like there is no point in wasting time by posting anything. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Maybe my photos aren’t good enough. It’s not uplifting to post on social media when you never know if people even see my posts. But in the end, I won’t stop posting. I do it for myself. I wonder if people who follow me don’t even read or see my posts. Maybe they only collect followers and don’t interact. They’re called a lurker. They only follow and don’t do anything else. With my luck, I wouldn’t be surprised.

I feel I’m getting alienated from getting a job, too. Maybe I’m in the wrong occupation. Maybe I could get one if I was in health care or being a cleaner. But I can’t do those jobs. I’ve been away from working far too long, so no one wants to hire me. I don’t even know if I want to work with anybody anyway. Only time will tell how things will go in the future. It’s my life, and I complain if I want to. It will make me feel a little better.