Tag: photography

NaBloPoMo15: When I grow up

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I did not want to have the same job as my parents did. I’ve always known that. My mother (who passed away 2 years ago this December) were a department secretary. She worked in different places, like hospitals. She did a lot of office work. That’s something I couldn’t do. Maybe for a while but that has never been my agenda.

My father is a goldsmith and he’s got an own business. Making jewelry is kind of dirty job. Even though I’m good in handiwork, it’s not my thing. I’ve helped him in his work shop and I’ve seen how it’s done. There’s a machines and stuff which makes me a bit scared. The workshop gets really dirty and I can’t work in a place like that because I have a sensitive skin.

I’ve always been indecisive when it comes to jobs. I knew what I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want to have a “normal” job. I wanted a job that were versatile and where I could express myself. That’s the reason I still haven’t found my calling. I’ve thought too much about what I wanted to do. Nothing has really excited me when it comes to jobs. I had ideas but they haven’t stayed long. I’ve studied different kind of things. Including journalism but that wasn’t for me. One time I thought how cool it would be to interview and meet famous people. I realised in that school that I can’t listen and write at the same time. I also wasn’t very good at writing articles and whatever journalist do.

The only thing that has stayed in my mind the longest, is photography. I went to a photography school in 2001 but I quit because it wasn’t something I wanted to do at the time. I also didn’t understand the developing of the films. If  digital cameras only were more common then maybe things would be different now. I took up photography again a few years later. Even more when I bought a DSLR camera in 2008. I wanted to become a Formula 1 photographer but I think that was only because of a driver I liked. I realised that will never happen anyway. Just too much work.

Recently I’ve thought about if I really got what it takes to become a pro. Maybe it’s an unrealistic dream. I don’t even photograph all the time. During the photography degree course in Helsinki Design School, my motivation dropped. Even though I learned new things there, I still feel indecisive if I really want to do photography after all. There’s not many jobs over here either. Which makes it even harder to keep up the motivation. You really need to stand out to sell your photos and I don’t think I’m not that good. Maybe I should choose an easier profession. But something I already know something about.

One thing’s for sure, I never wanted to do what my parents did. I’m a Gemini and I get bored easily. To keep my motivation up, I need changes and something to look forward. I just gets lazy and don’t feel like doing anything if I don’t. But I’m also an introvert which makes this profession choice even harder. If famous introverts can do it (like J.K. Rowling) then so can I.

(Day 3 of NaBloPoMo)

I did it my way but am I good enough

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Today I graduated from Helsinki Design School in photography. 10 months achievements and this is the proof. Whatever is gonna happen, I did at least something instead of just staying at home and do nothing. I might not become a pro but at least I’ve learned new stuff. That’s what life is about.

Even though we had great teachers who are pro’s, it doesn’t mean I’ve learned to become a better photographer. This diploma might not help to get me a job. There were much better photographers than me. I’m not ever sure I want to become one. I thought I was passionate about photography but during this school I realised, maybe I’m not good enough to do this for a living. Maybe I should just stick being an amateur.

I’m a little disappointed with this school. I didn’t get any motivation from the teachers. I never got the answer if I have what it takes. I also feel it was too Helsinki orientated. For example where you can find internships. Not where I live. It’s a no everywhere. It’s not really motivating when you can’t get any. It was also a lot about studio photography which was indeed interesting but that’s something I don’t want to do. I thought I would become more excited about photography but it was the opposite. Something was missing but I don’t know what it is. Still it was worth the money spent.

All in all. I’m glad I applied for this education and got in. I met some nice people. Unfortunately, I probably won’t see them again. That’s something I don’t cry about. They were just a ship passing by. At least I don’t have to wake up early to travel to Helsinki anymore. Time to enjoy this ‘great’ achievement. Let’s worry about the future tomorrow.

 

Only 2 days left

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I probably won’t have much use of this photography course in Helsinki Design School when it comes to jobs. But at least I’ve done something. It was fun meeting nice people but after this is done, I probably won’t see them again. I haven’t got any new friends. Most of them live in Helsinki anyway.
There were a few disappointments. The school promised things but they didn’t come true. It wasn’t a waste of money though. I did learn new things. Like how to work in a studio. I used to study photography in 2001 but I never got that far. We also had film developing and taking photos with a film camera. I still prefer digital film. It’s much easier. There’s no need to use chemicals and stuff like that. That was the part that I didn’t like and still don’t.

So when this school is over there’s nothing to do. In a way I will miss travelling to Helsinki and back. Also my class mates even if I never got to know them. They made the studying very pleasant. You could be yourself there. That’s something I haven’t experienced a lot. If the meetings would have been more frequent than maybe things would have been different. But since it was only two days (3 a few times) in a month, it was more difficult to get to know them. But still we had some fun times. A lot of laughs which studying more interesting.

So the last meeting is this Friday and Saturday. We’ll see if I get a diploma or not. I didn’t miss a day and I did all the assignments. That I know of. I’m still not sure. It would suck if I don’t get it. The course took almost a year and then if they say there’s one assignment I didn’t do, I would be really upset. I don’t think that diploma will get me anywhere but still it would make me feel I did achieve something.