Tag: photography

NaBloPoMo15: Introverts and photography

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When I thought about what to write in day 4 of NaBloPoMo, I had nada. Nothing. I’ve written daily before but today it struggled a bit. After surfing the net about other things, I found this blog post about photography and introverts. I thought about myself. It’s exactly like that.

Sometimes I wonder, if photography really is my thing when it come to careers. Like I wrote yesterday (btw, thanks for the likes 🙂 ) I’m an introvert and things are not easy. For starter when I photograph, I usually do it when no one is looking. It’s like I’m ashamed. A lot of other people photograph and they don’t try to hide it. What’s even worse is when you have an assignment to ask people if they could be photographed, I just can’t do it. That’s one of the reason I don’t like taking photos of strangers.

When Princess Victoria of Sweden visited the country in 2011. There was a moment when she stopped where me and mum stood. I was too nervous to take photos. But then again she suddenly appeared quite close so I didn’t have time to react. At least I got one decent one.

Princess Victoria of Sweden 2011
Princess Victoria of Sweden 2011

That’s what I lacked, confidence and boldness. I guess you learn from practise. If I only bothered practising that is. You only become better if you do.

But is it really worth trying if you don’t know of you get better. Even if I know the basics, it just doesn’t stick in my head. Chosing the exposure or shutter speed is a nightmare to me. I get frustrated when I don’t get the result I want. Maybe I’m just not made for becoming a pro. Posting your photos on a blog is a different thing than photographing for a living. It seems to be so much work to get yourself out there. Even if other introverts have made it in the world, doesn’t mean everybody does. As a photographer, you have to stand out but how, that’s another matter.

I’m not only an introvert but also shy and lack of ambitions. That’s the difference between me and that article I mentioned. You hear or read, you can become anything you want as long as you work hard. The only time I worked hard was mental work. It’s not that I haven’t had support. My parents were really good at that. But somehow I’ve just been too sensitive. I just haven’t had the courage to do anything special. I know I can do things but I just don’t know how to do it.

I sound like a jumbled mess in person, but get me in front of a keyboard and my thoughts flow in a far more structured manner. – Alethia Rains

Exactly my thoughts. With that, thank you. Over and out.

NaBloPoMo15: When I grow up

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I did not want to have the same job as my parents did. I’ve always known that. My mother (who passed away 2 years ago this December) were a department secretary. She worked in different places, like hospitals. She did a lot of office work. That’s something I couldn’t do. Maybe for a while but that has never been my agenda.

My father is a goldsmith and he’s got an own business. Making jewelry is kind of dirty job. Even though I’m good in handiwork, it’s not my thing. I’ve helped him in his work shop and I’ve seen how it’s done. There’s a machines and stuff which makes me a bit scared. The workshop gets really dirty and I can’t work in a place like that because I have a sensitive skin.

I’ve always been indecisive when it comes to jobs. I knew what I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want to have a “normal” job. I wanted a job that were versatile and where I could express myself. That’s the reason I still haven’t found my calling. I’ve thought too much about what I wanted to do. Nothing has really excited me when it comes to jobs. I had ideas but they haven’t stayed long. I’ve studied different kind of things. Including journalism but that wasn’t for me. One time I thought how cool it would be to interview and meet famous people. I realised in that school that I can’t listen and write at the same time. I also wasn’t very good at writing articles and whatever journalist do.

The only thing that has stayed in my mind the longest, is photography. I went to a photography school in 2001 but I quit because it wasn’t something I wanted to do at the time. I also didn’t understand the developing of the films. If  digital cameras only were more common then maybe things would be different now. I took up photography again a few years later. Even more when I bought a DSLR camera in 2008. I wanted to become a Formula 1 photographer but I think that was only because of a driver I liked. I realised that will never happen anyway. Just too much work.

Recently I’ve thought about if I really got what it takes to become a pro. Maybe it’s an unrealistic dream. I don’t even photograph all the time. During the photography degree course in Helsinki Design School, my motivation dropped. Even though I learned new things there, I still feel indecisive if I really want to do photography after all. There’s not many jobs over here either. Which makes it even harder to keep up the motivation. You really need to stand out to sell your photos and I don’t think I’m not that good. Maybe I should choose an easier profession. But something I already know something about.

One thing’s for sure, I never wanted to do what my parents did. I’m a Gemini and I get bored easily. To keep my motivation up, I need changes and something to look forward. I just gets lazy and don’t feel like doing anything if I don’t. But I’m also an introvert which makes this profession choice even harder. If famous introverts can do it (like J.K. Rowling) then so can I.

(Day 3 of NaBloPoMo)

I did it my way but am I good enough

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Today I graduated from Helsinki Design School in photography. 10 months achievements and this is the proof. Whatever is gonna happen, I did at least something instead of just staying at home and do nothing. I might not become a pro but at least I’ve learned new stuff. That’s what life is about.

Even though we had great teachers who are pro’s, it doesn’t mean I’ve learned to become a better photographer. This diploma might not help to get me a job. There were much better photographers than me. I’m not ever sure I want to become one. I thought I was passionate about photography but during this school I realised, maybe I’m not good enough to do this for a living. Maybe I should just stick being an amateur.

I’m a little disappointed with this school. I didn’t get any motivation from the teachers. I never got the answer if I have what it takes. I also feel it was too Helsinki orientated. For example where you can find internships. Not where I live. It’s a no everywhere. It’s not really motivating when you can’t get any. It was also a lot about studio photography which was indeed interesting but that’s something I don’t want to do. I thought I would become more excited about photography but it was the opposite. Something was missing but I don’t know what it is. Still it was worth the money spent.

All in all. I’m glad I applied for this education and got in. I met some nice people. Unfortunately, I probably won’t see them again. That’s something I don’t cry about. They were just a ship passing by. At least I don’t have to wake up early to travel to Helsinki anymore. Time to enjoy this ‘great’ achievement. Let’s worry about the future tomorrow.