Climbing the misty mountain

misty mountain
Made in Canva

I don’t mean the misty mountain in ‘The Hobbit’. It’s the misty mountain of life. I feel like I’m walking in a mist, and I don’t know where I’m going. I thought it was getting clearer, but it’s just getting mistier. I don’t get anything done. By the time I wake up, the whole day is gone. When people end their day, I’m only waking up. The entire day is wasted. That mountain of life is getting harder to climb. What I thought interested me wasn’t what I wanted after all. Maybe I do, but someone or something is holding me down. At least I don’t sit at home all day and only go out to the store. Some people are that lazy. I want to do something and not stay in the same place. That’s what I dreaded the most when I was a teenager, to get stuck in one place. I wanted to move abroad after I left school. I was restless and wanted to getaway. But that feeling went away when I got older. I was in a mist most of my youth, and now it feels like I’m in a similar situation.

Looking back at what educations I have, they are pretty useless. It’s a scam, the way people say how important education is. It doesn’t mean you get a job. At least I’ve done something. Other people might not appreciate my efforts, but I feel proud of them. I learned something, and maybe I’ve forgotten them already. But I’ve learned. I haven’t had the opportunity to use my education anywhere. It’s a bit depressive looking at job ads because nothing suits me. They say there are a lot of jobs, but that doesn’t help when there is nothing for me. I had high hopes about what to do next. But the years go by so fast, so it feels like I can’t keep up. It was three years ago when I took an entrepreneur course. Two years since the graphic design course. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Other people are much better than me and more experienced. It’s useless to compete with them. If I apply for a job in graphic design, guess who gets the job. Not me, that’s for sure. The employers just look at my resume and already decide I’m not the one.

Life is a misty mountain to climb. Some people might have the strength to get through it, but I don’t have the patience. Like Rene says in ‘Allo ‘Allo “, This is no life for a coward. Especially one with a good business.” Except I don’t have a business. At the moment, I just want to live one day at a time. The mist might go away one day. I only hope it won’t stay there forever.

Taking the train to somewhere

inside a train
Photo by Anastasia Kolchina on Pexels.com

There are many ways to travel to places. Besides going by bus and by car, I’ve mostly travelled by train. The problem is that it isn’t cheap. It’s a faster way, but if the bus is cheaper, I rather take that. No matter what way I travel, I can never sleep very well. Unless I’m exhausted. It’s the sleeping sitting up, even if you can turn the seat a little. The first time I travelled alone by train was when I was 17 when I went to study in another city. Or it was in a small town. It wasn’t fun to travel there the first time. I had no numbered seat, so I had to move to another one. The train was full, and I had things with me. I had to walk around on the train, trying to find an empty seat. I had to stand for the rest of the trip. Carrying all those things and then trying not to fall. Those trains weren’t as steady as they’re now. Luckily I always found a seat when I went home over the weekend. It was the 1990s, so you had to buy a ticket from the train station. Since I was a student, I had a series ticket, and if you wanted a numbered seat, you had to reserve it by phone. I didn’t want to do it since I didn’t like talking on the phone, so I rather sit where it was free. Today there are mobiles and apps to do all those things, so it’s much easier. I don’t use apps when it comes to buying tickets. I don’t really trust them. If I go somewhere, I buy the ticket via the computer and print it out on paper.

The best about taking the train is watching the view pass by. I’ve travelled by train early in the morning and seen the sunrise. Seeing it feels different on the train. I’ve seen a misty morning. The fields look like they’re cooling down, and smoke rises up from the ground. It’s a beautiful sight that is difficult to describe if you haven’t seen it yourself. You can’t really get the same feeling when you’re going by bus. My least favourite thing about trains is when they are crowded. Once when I studied in another town, I had to change trains. They were usually quite empty in the morning, so I thought it was strange that many people were in it. A moment later, I realised I was on the wrong train. I had to get out of it on the next station. Luckily the right train came behind the wrong one. If I hadn’t noticed I was on the wrong train, I would have got late for school and been in the wrong place. That was quite an adventure that time of the morning. I didn’t make the same mistake again.

I haven’t used the train for a while. If I had gone somewhere, I’ve taken the bus, because it’s cheaper. Next time I might take the train is when I’m going to see Elton John concert next month. The problem is, will it be moved to next year again? If you buy a train ticket, you can’t get your money back. Or it will be difficult to. If the concert will be on, they should inform about it as soon as possible, because the earlier I get to buy the train ticket, the cheaper it is. When it comes to public transport, the schedules are the concern. That day, the last train leaves after 8 pm, and the concert will be much longer than that. There won’t be any buses going either. Maybe I should stay at a hotel, but that isn’t cheap either. I won’t be driving there, because of different reasons. Whatever I chose, I rather go by train than a bus. Sitting on a bus for two hours isn’t good for my legs. I need to have them straight from time to time, or I will feel uncomfortable. So choo, choo train it is.

Coming up with an ingenuity

light bulb on dark blackground
Made in Canva

Coming up with an ingenuity that no one has yet discovered is not an easy task. But if it was easy everyone would be a genius. Maybe someone would have found a cure to all the wrong things that happen in life. Sometimes things are what they are and you can really do anything about it. You just have to accept it and move on. There have been times when I thought I made the best ingenuity ever but they turned to shit. One of them was when I planned what my blog would be about. Not only on WordPress but also on Tumblr. The later is a bit of a disappointment. Their whole concept is boring these days anyway. And it’s not because they turned off all the explicit stuff. It’s actually a good thing. It means no more pornographic followers. Those annoyed me the most since my Tumblr’s was nothing about that. There are no decent posts to reblog either so I don’t use it as often as I used to. Besides, Tumblr had some weird stuff and I wouldn’t recommend it to any sane person. Well, I used it so what does that say about me. It does have decent things there too so it’s not all bad.

I’ve had so many bad ideas about occupations and educations so I doubt I get anything right. I’m still disappointed about some of the feedback I got from a school assignment at Helsinki Design School and the portfolio presentation. So I’m gonna complain about that again. I thought I could do graphic design but the education made me think maybe I don’t have what it takes. It made me feel like a loser who thinks too highly of themselves. I don’t exactly get hundreds of views or likes on work I’ve posted online. It feels like talking to a wall. I don’t have the ingenuity that you probably need if you want to work with design. Practice makes you better but my motivation is low so I don’t feel like it. I have this demon on my shoulder saying, then give up, but then the angel says, no don’t. The reason why I went to this education was to add a service to my possible web design business but it hasn’t gone as I thought. Not having enough confident of my skills it’s hard to imagine anyone wanting to hire me for their project. In design, it’s important to know people and I don’t know anyone.

I applied to employment training in digital marketing and e-commerce just to have a plan and because I’m interested in it. It’s a long way to that and I don’t even know if I get in the course. For now, that is some kind of ingenuity for the near future. Having many backup plans is never a bad thing. If it’s good or not will remain to be seen.