I don’t mean the misty mountain in ‘The Hobbit’. It’s the misty mountain of life. I feel like I’m walking in a mist, and I don’t know where I’m going. I thought it was getting clearer, but it’s just getting mistier. I don’t get anything done. By the time I wake up, the whole day is gone. When people end their day, I’m only waking up. The entire day is wasted. That mountain of life is getting harder to climb. What I thought interested me wasn’t what I wanted after all. Maybe I do, but someone or something is holding me down. At least I don’t sit at home all day and only go out to the store. Some people are that lazy. I want to do something and not stay in the same place. That’s what I dreaded the most when I was a teenager, to get stuck in one place. I wanted to move abroad after I left school. I was restless and wanted to getaway. But that feeling went away when I got older. I was in a mist most of my youth, and now it feels like I’m in a similar situation.
Looking back at what educations I have, they are pretty useless. It’s a scam, the way people say how important education is. It doesn’t mean you get a job. At least I’ve done something. Other people might not appreciate my efforts, but I feel proud of them. I learned something, and maybe I’ve forgotten them already. But I’ve learned. I haven’t had the opportunity to use my education anywhere. It’s a bit depressive looking at job ads because nothing suits me. They say there are a lot of jobs, but that doesn’t help when there is nothing for me. I had high hopes about what to do next. But the years go by so fast, so it feels like I can’t keep up. It was three years ago when I took an entrepreneur course. Two years since the graphic design course. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Other people are much better than me and more experienced. It’s useless to compete with them. If I apply for a job in graphic design, guess who gets the job. Not me, that’s for sure. The employers just look at my resume and already decide I’m not the one.
Life is a misty mountain to climb. Some people might have the strength to get through it, but I don’t have the patience. Like Rene says in ‘Allo ‘Allo “, This is no life for a coward. Especially one with a good business.” Except I don’t have a business. At the moment, I just want to live one day at a time. The mist might go away one day. I only hope it won’t stay there forever.