Having a job does take a lot of energy. Especially the waking up thing. Being a night owl and trying to get to bed early is a lot of yada yada yada. I haven’t had the time or the energy to blog. I should actually take a nap and yada yada yada. I’m so much in front of a computer at work so I rather stay away from it at home. I write this now so you don’t think I forget about you. Or some other yada yada yada thing.
There are still 48 days left of my job contract and honestly, I’m already counting the days. It’s not that I don’t like being there. A job is a job, like my mother used to say. If the people I’m working with wasn’t as nice and yada yada yada I wouldn’t want to go there at all. I just want more or at least not this. I feel the job is holding me back. I’m not able to be as creative as I want to be. There are certain looks and rules to follow. Is this really what I’ve studied, I think. Sometimes there is nothing to do. Those days I wonder is it really worth going. I could just stay home and sit there. At least I can talk to my colleagues which makes the days go faster. Then other days are busy. Today was one of the slow days. I made a piece of notification for an event for the bulletin board and yada yada yada.
I actually miss the days when I didn’t have to wake up early. I wish I could have a job where I could have an own schedule and yada yada yada. I don’t want to think about anything serious now.
Ever felt that no matter what you do, you don’t find the connection with something or someone? You think you do all the right things but they still don’t work. You think it’s because of you. You might take it personally even if it isn’t. Some things don’t have an explanation. They just are. I feel or have felt like I’ve lost connection at first sight. When I meet new people I might talk to them but there is no other connection than friendliness. They say you should make connections so in the future you might need their help. But I have never met such people. They don’t even ask to keep in touch. Maybe I’m just not interesting enough. I don’t want to force people to keep in touch with me if they don’t want to. Making connections in job search seems to be important too. But since I never get any, I haven’t found anything. LinkedIn is a joke too. What a bunch of lies that is. No employer search for employees there. At least not in Finland. Here having relatives is very important or be very lucky.
I don’t get many connections on social media either. I really hate making up tags. Especially on Instagram. That spoils everything. It’s full of fake photos anyway. No one wants to be different. I don’t know why I even bothered starting to using it again. Sometimes I don’t even get any likes at all. It doesn’t matter how many tags I use or what kind of photos I have, they will never get more than 1 or 2. More if I’m lucky but never over 12. Using social media for job search are all lies too. You must be really an attention seeker or something special to rock someone’s world. It doesn’t boost your morale, it takes it out of you. I don’t how some get many likes. Are these people following them so they see the post or what? I just don’t get it. Never compare your followers to how many others have because it only brings you down. It’s all shallow about how to get people to notice/follow you. You should do this and you should do that. It takes forever and in the end, it’s all a waste of time. I just don’t want to bother with it anymore. I’m not gonna force out the tags. I just put what comes to mind and leave it at that. I get likes or I don’t, I’m only gonna post for my own entertainment. I’m tired of trying to impress people.
If someone wants to make a connection, it’s probably spam. You don’t see the difference between the truth and the lies because you haven’t had any real connections. Bad experiences make you doubt things. Especially when it comes to the Internet. You shouldn’t even believe what you see in there anyway. That’s one of the reasons why I don’t trust these platforms like LinkedIn in a job search because you never know if the connection might be an imposter. I rather use something else than use it. It only brings me down. So lies and connection do come together. Both of them are bad news in the end.
Another workweek is done. Now I’ve been at the job for a month. Because of the coronavirus, it hasn’t been longer than that. Now it’s about 2 months left of the contract. I’m already counting the days. It’s been surviving the week. If it wasn’t from the nice colleagues I wouldn’t want to be there. There is not much to do. At least not this week. It’s always quiet at the beginning of the week. A lot of events have been cancelled so there isn’t much to report. The job is internal and external communication. One of the tools is WordPress so at least I get to use the block thing. Not having nothing to do is another thing but the worse part is waking up early. It has never been my thing. I also don’t like going to places. There are days I wish I didn’t have to go anywhere. At least not early in the morning. When you have to make up early, you have to go to bed early which is the bad part. Then you get confused when the weekend comes. Last Saturday I woke up and saw the time being over 7 am so I thought I’ll be late for work. But then realised it’s the weekend and went back to bed. Then on Sunday, you have to go to bed early so the weekend feels really short. Sometimes I wonder if this job really is worth it. At least you get paid something. I also get job experience even though it’s not in the field I want to be in. It hasn’t really been what I wrote about the job.
Days shouldn’t be trying surviving the week at work. Many people stay in their jobs for years which I don’t want to. I want to move on from things I don’t feel motivated to do. Is your life really worth it if you stay at something that bores you? Unfortunately, some people don’t have a choice and they have to be in a job if they like it or not. They don’t have a safety net and get help to their money troubles. I’m glad I don’t live in the States, for example. I would probably be homeless or something. You shouldn’t settle to your destiny. People who have worked where I am now haven’t found a job so they come back. That’s something I want to avoid. I don’t know if I even want to work for someone because then you have to go by their schedule. Working from home has entered my mind. I just hate hurrying. When I was studying web design and we had on the job learning. I could choose my own schedule and the freedom of not having to go anywhere was much more fun. Now it just feels forced and routined. It just isn’t for me. Now I will get through the months that are left of the contract and then we’ll see what will happen after that. At least we get free coffee and something sweet or salty to eat on Fridays at work. The best part is though the people you meet and the great people you work with. Without the atmosphere there, the surviving the week would be much harder to handle.