So another education passed. Eleven months went by like a breeze. Like I posted yesterday (Sunday) I passed the graphic design education in Helsinki Design School. The portfolio presentation was awful though. I had written on a paper on what to say and had it with me in front of the class. But then I panicked and it went like this. “Here’s what I’ve done and that’s thank you” I didn’t say anything about the projects so I didn’t get any feedback. Only what kind of graphic design I would want to do and that I should make more projects to my portfolio. The others were much better at their presentations. Even them who felt nervous before. I just don’t know what happened to me. I wanted to get out of the situation as quickly as possible like many times before. I was so nervous and felt uncomfortable because people were looking at me. I was so disappointed by my presentation but the other student’s work was so much better than mine so I felt ashamed for mine. It felt I had no skills whatsoever. Some of the students hadn’t done any graphic design before school. Since I didn’t get any decent feedback I don’t know what my strength is in design. I don’t know what they are and I guess no one else knows either. Maybe my style is boring and amateurish. What was the most disappointing thing in Helsinki Design School was not finding my style. I don’t know if I have potential or should I quit with design altogether. I will regret my portfolio presentation forever.
Maybe finding a style doesn’t happen in 11 months for everyone. I develope slowly in everything and might get old before I find anything. Or even worse, never. My goals for this education didn’t actually come true. I learned new things but if I can use that knowledge in a job is a different matter. There were times when I felt really excited to be in this school but now not so much. I knew I wouldn’t become friends with anyone and also that I wouldn’t get connections. Honestly, I think the whole school flatter themselves too much. Don’t get me wrong. The school is good to learn new things and the atmosphere in the class is good. But it doesn’t get you discovered by employers. One of my classmates did get an internship through a teacher who taught there but she was the lucky one. I didn’t get a job after I studied photography in the same school and I’m sure I won’t get one this time either. You won’t find any magic beans there. It only makes you feel abandoned.
This experience shouldn’t discourage me but it does. Why should I even need a certain style? I like to do different things or I would be bored. I know what my style isn’t. That’s the easy part. The problem with the assignment was we only got feedback and after that nothing else. If you work with a client, you get several comments and that way you can make your design better. But with a teacher, you don’t get that. In the end, it doesn’t matter what feedback you got during an education because that’s only one opinion. It’s really about what kind of work you want to do. I know one day what my style will be and it will change many times. I work with what I’ve got. You never really graduate in this life because there’s always something new to learn. Knowing that Helsinki Design School was just one journey that now has come to an end. What will happened next is a mystery.
It feels like I’m already blogged about the same subjects on this blog several times. I’ve noticed posts about job search hasn’t interest people that much. Well, recently at least. It’s OK. It’s mostly blabber anyway. Most of the time I don’t even remember what I posted in the past. But who does? Unless they have a very good memory. Human brains can’t handle that much information. It doesn’t matter really if I wrote things before because new followers have found this blog just recently. No one has that much time to go back in the past anyway. I do have 951 posts after all. Sorry for boring you with details like that.
What I was about to say is, I’m a lot of things but bold I’m not. Unless it’s in writing. In real I’m really not. I never say my opinion to people I don’t know. I just can’t do it because I don’t want to hurt their feelings. When I was a child people thought I’m also quiet at home. But I was definitely not. Just ask my father. At home, I’m a totally different person. There I can say what I think. When you’re in public you need to show some manners. You can always show them rude gestures when they’re not looking. But I wouldn’t say bad things in people’s faces. But if they are rude to me, I won’t hesitate to defend myself. Treat other people the way they treat you. Or walk away if they look threatening.
If I had been bolder in the past I could have been something more but I was too much of a coward. It wasn’t lack of encouragement. My parent was really supportive. Maybe boldness skipped a generation. My mother went to Sweden when she was young. Relatives live there. My dad started his business during Finland’s depression and still works even if he’s retired. Of course, their life was different from mine and they’re a different generation. I’m always been stubborn and did things my way. I even learned to walk when I felt like it and not because my parents expected me to. I could have been more flexible when it came to decisions. Like with summer jobs as a teen. I took part in a summer job lottery once but I didn’t get a job so I didn’t try again. I just wanted to relax in the summer after all the school work I did. The idiom, look before you leap, is almost my motto. Except all I do is look and see all the things that could go wrong. I’m not totally afraid of doing things. I did travel alone the first time when I was 17. Studying in a different city or town is one kind of boldness. Luckily I lived in a dorm so I didn’t need to find an apartment. I did get home at the weekends but still, I did live in another city. I have never travelled abroad alone though. Except if you count school trips but those were hell anyway so they don’t matter.
Starting a blog is bold. There are people who are afraid to start one but for me, it’s been a natural thing. It’s easier to write than talk. You don’t need to follow the crowd. Blogging can also be just a hobby. It shouldn’t only about profit or being like any other blogger out there. Boldness can also come from not being afraid to share a piece of your inner world to others. You don’t need to write about your personal life if you don’t want to. Blogging should be fun and not something you have to do. Maybe I’m a little bit bold after all.