Another workweek is done. Now I’ve been at the job for a month. Because of the coronavirus, it hasn’t been longer than that. Now it’s about 2 months left of the contract. I’m already counting the days. It’s been surviving the week. If it wasn’t from the nice colleagues I wouldn’t want to be there. There is not much to do. At least not this week. It’s always quiet at the beginning of the week. A lot of events have been cancelled so there isn’t much to report. The job is internal and external communication. One of the tools is WordPress so at least I get to use the block thing. Not having nothing to do is another thing but the worse part is waking up early. It has never been my thing. I also don’t like going to places. There are days I wish I didn’t have to go anywhere. At least not early in the morning. When you have to make up early, you have to go to bed early which is the bad part. Then you get confused when the weekend comes. Last Saturday I woke up and saw the time being over 7 am so I thought I’ll be late for work. But then realised it’s the weekend and went back to bed. Then on Sunday, you have to go to bed early so the weekend feels really short. Sometimes I wonder if this job really is worth it. At least you get paid something. I also get job experience even though it’s not in the field I want to be in. It hasn’t really been what I wrote about the job.
Days shouldn’t be trying surviving the week at work. Many people stay in their jobs for years which I don’t want to. I want to move on from things I don’t feel motivated to do. Is your life really worth it if you stay at something that bores you? Unfortunately, some people don’t have a choice and they have to be in a job if they like it or not. They don’t have a safety net and get help to their money troubles. I’m glad I don’t live in the States, for example. I would probably be homeless or something. You shouldn’t settle to your destiny. People who have worked where I am now haven’t found a job so they come back. That’s something I want to avoid. I don’t know if I even want to work for someone because then you have to go by their schedule. Working from home has entered my mind. I just hate hurrying. When I was studying web design and we had on the job learning. I could choose my own schedule and the freedom of not having to go anywhere was much more fun. Now it just feels forced and routined. It just isn’t for me. Now I will get through the months that are left of the contract and then we’ll see what will happen after that. At least we get free coffee and something sweet or salty to eat on Fridays at work. The best part is though the people you meet and the great people you work with. Without the atmosphere there, the surviving the week would be much harder to handle.
When I die I won’t leave a legacy of any kind to anyone. I probably give all the money to charity and the stuff I probably throw in the trash. I won’t be remembered for anything special. It doesn’t really matter what happens after my death because, well I’m dead. Some people want to make a big deal of what they leave behind. I only want a normal and quiet life without unnecessary drama. I don’t need to impress anyone. Not everyone will leave a legacy and it doesn’t matter either.
I settle for little. I don’t know why you should do anything special in this life. If you want to be at the top of the world and you don’t feel complete unless you experience something out of the ordinary, so be it. But don’t expect others to do the same. I only want to do things that please me. I don’t need excitement to feel human but not being bored either. Pleasing at least one person is enough. For example at work when someone tells me I’ve done something right, it feels I’ve accomplished something good. I don’t need fireworks to feel needed.
There are many who use social media to feel important. I got back to Instagram yesterday (@liuzzia5) because I got a better phone (Apple iPhone SE2020) and I can download it again. Even if it’s a popularity contest the whole app I still use it. It’s a bit of a waste of time if you ask me. I have never really gotten the point of the whole thing. I only get a few likes and sometimes none. But I only use it for my own amusement. I never know what kind of hashtags I should use and I don’t bother with it. It takes all the fun out of Instagram. I prefer Pinterest more than that because there you don’t need to think that much about hashtags.
In certain things, I wish people gave me more likes. E.g. graphic design or photography. Comments would be much more prefered though. Maybe social media is not the right platform or something for that. I don’t want to become famous or anything. Or leave a legacy for the future generation. But knowing I’m not wasting my time on something I’m not really good at would be nice to know. Maybe I’ll always only remain an amateur. I know I should be more confident in myself. Right now I’ve been too tired after work so I haven’t had time to think about what to do after my contract ends. Not to mention about the legacy I’m not gonna leave behind.
Answering the phone is the most terrible thing I know. If it’s someone I know, it’s different. I don’t answer unknown numbers because who would call anyway. Only frauds and telemarketing people. But this time I should have. Someone from work tried to get in touch about when work would continue. So I didn’t know it would start this Monday. So whoops. I went on Tuesday. All that matters is that I did go and now I’m back at work. Tomorrow it’s Friday so the week has gone fast. I’m soon getting hang of work again. It’s also nice to see my colleagues again. Without them, work wouldn’t be fun. It’s not something I want to continue with but it’s nice to say, I’m going to work. At least I have a job so I don’t need to be afraid about becoming homeless.
In Finland, you don’t get homeless unless you have some mental issues or an addiction. Or something worse. In a way, I’ve been lucky to have a home and I can afford to buy food. My parents have also been there to help when I needed it. Not everyone has that. But I can’t carry other people’s problems on my shoulders. I have an umbrella to cover myself from things I can’t do anything about but I can sympathise. It really is a shame some have to suffer no matter how they try to change things. Sometimes you just feel helpless because you can’t help other people all by yourself. If people would be less greedy, then things could be better. People with more money than you do should make more effort but politics complicates things which is the reason why I hate it.
So it was back to work and holiday over. There is no time to keep up at night because I have to wake up early in the morning. The weekend doesn’t come soon enough. It’s easy to get lazy when you don’t have a job to go to. When you do naps after work is boss. On Saturday I’m gonna sleep until the afternoon so I have the strength to go back after the weekend.