I have lived in a cocoon, and there are things I regret. I wish I could have said something to those morons in school that treated me like I wasn’t there. Especially one of them. I don’t know what her problem was. Maybe she thought she was something special. At least I wasn’t bullied as bad as some people are. Some adults have been bullied, so their whole life is spoiled. I was glad I had never had to meet them again. You shouldn’t have people around who don’t appreciate you. The decisions I have made in life have nothing with them. If they thought they would break me, they were wrong. It only made me stronger. What happened then is only pathetic on their part. It was all so silly. They were cowards too. They never dared to say anything to my face. I wouldn’t recognise them on the street anymore. I don’t even remember some of my former classmates’ names. I have met many people, so how can anyone remember someone you knew over 30 years ago. They don’t matter anymore.
I’ve had a lot of times when I didn’t take action when I should have. I don’t know if I regret certain decisions I made in the past. I know I’ve learned something, at least. There have been education that didn’t get me anywhere, even if people said it would help to get a job. Well, it hasn’t, or I would have had more job experience than I have now. I wish I would have tried any job, but I wanted to discover what I wanted to be through education. I see; now they don’t matter. It’s job experience. Sometimes it feels like I’ve wasted my life, and now I’m getting older. I should have at least 20 years of working life left, but I will become a poor pensioner at this rate. I don’t collect pensions because I don’t work. It isn’t even my fault. Some people don’t want to work, but I do. No one wants to hire me, but it’s their problem, not mine. Maybe I chose the wrong profession or something. There aren’t many jobs in the graphic design field. Unless you’re super talented and have job experience. It can be a little frustrating when you finally know what kind of job you like and can’t find anything to apply to. They look for people with job experience and someone for the future. Not someone in their 40s with no experience in the field. Employers never seem to look for workers, either. Job search has gotten so strange these days. No wonder some people don’t want to be in that game. It is one. The only ones that win are the lucky ones.
Living in a cocoon feels safer when you’re not a risk-taker. You can’t regret the things you did in the past because you can’t change that. But you can change what you do for the future. There will be times when you want to take action, but you can’t because that might make you feel unsafe. I live for today, and if it’s in a cocoon, let so be it. I’m not the one who thinks if you don’t do certain things, you will regret the rest of your life. Some things aren’t meant to be, and you have to accept that.
The question is IF I had a job to enjoy. I had a few boring jobs when I was younger. It was when I didn’t know what I wanted to do. The jobs were boring, and they felt forced. They were internships where you get 9 euros per day, plus unemployment benefits. At least I had something to do. You would think you didn’t need to apply for so-called boring jobs when you know what kind of job you’re looking for. I never wanted a job everyone else had, so I have studied creative things. I want to work in design. No matter how many degrees you have, it doesn’t mean you get a job. I don’t look like a satyr, but I guess employers don’t like my face. They don’t look at your education; they look at your work experiences. When seeing mine, they probably think there is something wrong with me. There must be since I don’t even get internships in the field. How can you get job experience when no one gives you a chance.
I applied for a part-time job last week, and they said they would contact me this week. It’s Friday now, and nothing has happened. Waiting is the hardest part. I hope they haven’t forgotten. It’s a job where you use social media. It would start in August/September. Some employers don’t reply at all, so at least I got something. The job would be a wage subsidy place, so I would get an actual salary. About 3 years ago, I was in one as a media assistant. It was a job I liked, and my workmates were great. It was for 11 months, but I was also laid off for a while because of covid. Even if I liked the job, I wouldn’t want to go again. It’s like returning to the crime scene; I want to move on.
If I had a job, it would be something creative. It should be flexible and maybe have some travelling in it. Remote jobs would be good. I hate getting up early, so working at home would be nice. I want a position where I feel I belong. The working world is fake; you need to be something you’re not. It’s a lie that you should be yourself. You’re not allowed for real, especially in job interviews. It’s a shame job search has become so complicated. You must be like a brand if you’re looking for a job. It’s not enough to know how to do a job; you also need to be a social butterfly. Social isn’t the same as being talkative. When I was an intern at a local newspaper as a photographer, the final report said I wasn’t social enough. I only got two weeks there, so how would they know. I enjoyed being the photographer because I didn’t need to sit in an office all day. That’s the kind of job I want to do, versatile.
It seems becoming an entrepreneur is being fake too. You see them showing their faces like it’s the only way to find clients. If you don’t want to show your face, use your voice. What if you look awful in photos and you don’t like your voice? Should you forget entrepreneurship? That’s the image social media marketing people give. Either way, a brand seems to be the only way to get anything today. And that’s a shame.
Things don’t always go the way you planned them. If it’s career choices or writing stories. It’s delete, rewrite and repeat. With a pencil and a computer, you can erase them. But with life, you can only move on and not think about what you didn’t do in the past. You have regrets, but it’s too late to delete them. If you get stuck in the past, you won’t grow as a person.
I could have done things differently when I was younger. I shouldn’t have been so careful. My resume would have looked different if I had been in a summer job as a teenager. But I wanted to have a summer break because schoolwork was hard enough. I applied for a summer job once, but I didn’t get one. The positions were drawn, so only the lucky ones got them. I didn’t try again. I helped my dad in his business, but that wasn’t a job that I could put on a resume. You can’t go back and change the past, and I wish employers would understand that too. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, so I studied different things. Some find their niche by working, but I did it through studying. A shame it’s only job experiences that count.
It’s OK to delete things because you can rewrite them again. You learn new things, and you won’t be the same person when you were younger. Hopefully, you will become smarter and don’t repeat the mistakes you made in the past. It doesn’t need to be a mistake. It might be something you would do differently. Either way, regrets don’t get you anywhere. The future counts, and that’s what you shouldn’t delete.