Things going up the spout

explosion
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Things never go the way I want to, so I shouldn’t plan anything. All ideas going up the spout. Is it a failure if you only thought about it, or should you do things first and then fail? I have done both. Failed at a thought and failed in things I’ve done. I passed educations and all that, but nothing to brag about. I have had expectations, but they went up the spout. In a way, I’m disappointed with how things have turned out in my life. But certain things just happen, and you only have to accept them. Everyone isn’t made to be anything special. What is success anyway? I don’t know what it means. Staying alive is a success. Getting through difficult times is a success. Keeping on blogging no matter what is a success. You don’t need to have success in the working life to feel it. The world is too work orientated. A job is not everything. It’s nice to have, but it shouldn’t define success. The best success I’ve had is getting a drivers license. It might not make headlines, but it’s great news for me. Especially when I failed to complete it years ago. The second time around is the best.

Other people can live their life the way they want as long as they don’t interfere in mine. I’m not made for living a life most people do. I’m a lone wolf. I’m the happiest when I can be myself. I don’t need people in my life. There is too much drama, and I’ve had enough of those. They say having friends is good for you, but not for me. It’s the other way for me. It was different when I was a child. Maybe they were important then, but I’ve managed without any so far. I’m tired of trying to please other people. The world is full of fake people who think they need to be something they’re not. The people I know personally are only acquaintances, so I wouldn’t call them friends. I don’t spend any time with them. They have their own life and friends. I haven’t seen my old schoolmates for decades, and I don’t want to either. They weren’t my friends. Only classmates I spent some time with. I have nothing in common with them anymore anyway. Why dwell in the past? Doing things alone is much better because then you can do what pleases you. There is always someone too lazy to do the same things I want to do. Travelling is probably the only thing I don’t want to do alone. Especially if it’s abroad.

I thought about entrepreneurship because I couldn’t find a job. I went to a course about it, but that was 3 years ago. Another idea went out the spout. Now I’m not that excited about it anymore. I just don’t have what it takes. I thought I could beat the odds, but then I started to think I can’t even get started, so how could I keep it up. Too many distractions. I signed up for light entrepreneurship service, but that was ages ago. I was excited at first. I could try entrepreneurship without the paperwork and things. But like always, I changed my thoughts about that too. Story of my life. I never get things done. I’ve tried to find work from somewhere else, but I can’t find anything. They say there is a lot of work out there. Yes, but in the wrong occupations. I can’t become something else overnight. The jobs are most of the time in some other city than your own. I don’t know what I want to do anymore. I’m fed up with all the job searches, so I rather want to do something fun and stress-free things. At least for now. So far, any ideas I’ve got has gone up the spout, and I have no energy to think about what to do next.

No work, no play makes her bromide

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Sometimes I feel people think I’m a bromide person, especially on social media. My life is not exciting. I have no work, and my interests are not excited either. At least not what other people have. Even if I did work, I still wouldn’t write about it. Life is more than work anyway. People who talk about it a lot have nothing else in their life. Only because I don’t go to parties or anything other people call fun. It isn’t my kind. For me, fun is watching movies, doing things I like, watching comedies, take a bike trip, listening to music. If there are people who think that’s dull, then too bad. I don’t go around telling people parties are boring. I don’t like loud people and loud noises. It’s idiotic and boring to act like an imbecile. I despise that kind of behaviour. I don’t get many followers on Instagram or Twitter. I’ve had Instagram since 2016, and I only have 25 people. The most likes on a post have been 25 or 26. I’ve been on Twitter since 2009, and I only have 75 followers. I’ve never been popular in real life, and I’m not that on social media either. It’s a mystery why some people get many followers, and some not so much. I don’t really mind how many I have, but sometimes it feels useless to post anything. Especially when it comes to posting photos. It was a disappointment in the beginning, but now I don’t expect to get more than 10 likes. Even if I don’t get a single like, I still will be posting on social media. I’m used to “talking to a wall.” Using social media for fun is just that. I don’t care if some people find me bromide. They just don’t know me. Who does care if a person is dull or not? It’s only a matter of opinion. Not everyone can or want to draw attention to themselves.

One of the reasons while I fail in job interviews is that I can’t play fake. They expect you to be something you’re not. You can’t be yourself even if they say you should. That’s only in some kind of fantasy world. The other reason I won’t get hired is that I have nothing special to offer to them. I don’t know why you should be like a celebrity or glamourous to get a job. I’m only a blank and bromide person with a grey personality. Getting chosen for a job is like gym in school, always getting picked last. You know you’re good at sport, but other people still don’t choose you. We all can’t be Youtube stars. The world needs plain people. If someone sees me as bromide, then it’s not my problem. I know myself better than anyone else, and that’s what matters.

Been here before

red and white neon sign
Made in Canva

Some disappointing news first. The Elton John concert was supposed to be this year in Helsinki, but now it’s been postponed to 2023. No new date yet. This is some kind of déjà-vu. Some years ago, a concert was postponed that I was going to attend. Then there were no new dates added, so I didn’t get my money back because I waited too long. The concert was only 50 euros though. Now it’s happened again. I’m not sure I want to go to see Elton John after all. I’m not that big of a fan. He’s just one of my favourite artists. It’s gonna take ages to the concert, and maybe it won’t happen at all. Then it might be too late to get the money back. No one knows what gonna happen until 2023. You can get very ill and die. Maybe I don’t feel like going at all. The ticket wasn’t that cheap, so it would be a shame if I can’t get the money back. At first, I thought, I won’t go after all, but I’m not sure now. If I decided not to go or something else comes up, I hope I get a refund. It would be nice to see him live, though. It’s his farewell tour, after all.

The UX/UI course ended. Every time I study something, and it ends, it feels like I’ve been on the same page before. I have to start things over again. I never get anywhere, job-wise. What is the point of all of this studying if it never pays off? It only gives me something to do, and learning something new is always nice. It feels I repeat things. If it comes to writing this blog or fan fiction. I try to do things differently, but I get the deja vu feeling. It seems that same feeling comes when I see job suggestions on LinkedIn. I don’t why I get things like teaching jobs. Do my profile show I have any education about that? No, the same with some expert jobs. You can’t even stop those suggestions from coming. I wouldn’t be a very good teacher anyway. Also, the tips people share about how a resume should be like are coming out of my ears. If you have nothing interesting to add, it doesn’t matter how they look like. It’s only repeating the same old things.

I can’t think of anything else to say about deja vu.

I can’t think of anything else to say about deja vu. Oh, there it was again 😀