Swish and the time is gone

speed lines of a road
Made in Canva

It’s been a month since my last blog post. There are different reasons why I haven’t blogged in a while. Swish and the time is gone. I just haven’t had anything to write about. I haven’t been busy but I’ve had other things on my mind. And I sleep really late. I guess I have a lot of sleeping to catch up since I stopped my job. I have also watched a lot of movies on TV, so many late nights too.

So soon this year is over. I guess the top topics have been the coronavirus and US presidential elections. The other world news is all a blur to me. Personally, I had the job and then got laid off for a while. Then back to work. Now that is over. In private life, my dad had a falling accident about a month ago and then he went to a hip operation. Now he is in rehabilitation so I’ve been at my dad’s place. He’s probably coming back home this week. I’ve also been visiting him at the hospital. With a mask on, of course. So that’s about it.

Christmas is around the corner. It’s gonna be at home after some years of a break. Of course, it would be nice to go somewhere but, you know, the coronavirus is something not to be messed with. I for one don’t want it. Luckily I haven’t even got the cold which is great. I hope it won’t come either. I hate a stuffed nose and the sneezing. The coronavirus has gotten worse in Finland. One day there were over 400 who got it. There are still people who don’t wear a mask but they have their reasons. It’s not really comfortable but it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I don’t go anywhere anyway. Only to the store and visiting my dad at the hospital. I try to avoid people as much as I can. But I do that other times too anyway. I don’t actually mind this coronavirus. I don’t like touching things with bare hands and don’t care much about hugging either. I never got that handshake thing either. You can greet someone with just a ‘Hi’ and that’s it. The Japanese don’t use handshakes so why should I.

Only a swish and then the year is over. I don’t plan anything. I live in the present. I’ve thought about a few things what I could do. One of them is if I should get a driver’s license after all. My dad has always been the driver so I haven’t needed one. But now when he’s getting older and he can’t drive forever. I tried to get one when I was younger but I didn’t finish it. My mother was disappointed to spend all that money on it. But I realized I was too afraid to drive. Maybe I just wasn’t ready. What worries me is that I might not be ready this time either. I have gone without a license this long and I haven’t needed one. My mother never had one either. A lot of people don’t even want one. You can’t always get a ride where you want. When you go by public transport the problem is the schedules and other people. I don’t need a car because I can always borrow or rent one. My dad doesn’t want to drive long-distances anymore so maybe if I did have a license, we could drive somewhere the way we used to. The driving schools are much different than they were over 20 years ago or so. Sometimes I think I don’t really need a license but then there are days when I wish I had. Getting a job would probably be much easier too. At least there would be more options. If you feel too much pressure to drive on the street with others, then maybe having a driver’s license isn’t a good idea. Since I already been to driving school, driving would be easier to learn. I still remember how to start a car. The biggest problem would probably be the tests. I failed them so many times last time and you had to pay for them each time. That’s where the money went. I really have to think about what to do with this. Maybe that’s my goal in the summer of 2021. That and maybe find something to do for a living.

Why I rather be self-employed than work for someone else

man working with a Mac computer
Made in Canva

Looking for a job is like searching for a needle in a haystack. First, it takes years before finding something interesting you want to be and then no one wants to hire you because you don’t have work experience in the field you studied. You don’t get experience because no one wants to hire you. Not even for an internship. You need to be a student to get one of those. It’s even better if you’re young. Bloody age discrimination. All these job ads are a joke too. There’s always a skill you don’t have. Then you need to have a bachelor’s degree in some jobs. In design, for example, that must be some education. It isn’t rocket science. The biggest problem is the lack of work experience. If you work for someone else you have to be the way they want. If you’re good enough for the culture of the company and so on. You also need to be social and outgoing. That means talking nonsense with your co-workers. That’s not a place for an introvert. Working for someone else seems so stressful. Things like that don’t inspire me at all.

I’ve been looking for web design jobs over a year and there’s nothing I could apply to. Most of the jobs are in the Helsinki area. It’s really depressive to look at job ads and boom you need to have at least 3 years of experience. How fun. Maybe I educated myself to the wrong occupation after all. But I have always been into creative things. I could have been like a lot of people. Working in a ‘normal’ job. In a job where you have a better chance to find a job. I’ve chosen this path and it’s too late to turn back. You should stick to your principles and not be like everyone else. A lot of people settle for the job they have because they have to support their family somehow. I only have to support myself so I can do what I want without having to ask permission from someone else. Since I can’t find a job in my field, entrepreneurship is becoming the only solution. I’ve already had clients so I have worked for free. There is a lot of talks you should volunteer first before earning money for your business but I’m past that. If I were a beginner then I could work for free but now when I have some work under my belt it would be wrong.

I’ve thought about entrepreneurship for some time now. I went to the entrepreneurship course earlier this year and my dad is self-employed so I know how it is. So what is stopping me from making the first step, you might ask. Well, like I wrote in this post, it’s difficult for me to start things. Starting a business has its cons and it can’t be taken lightly. There is a lot of rules and politics around it. Especially if you’re unemployed. You’re at the mercy of the unemployment agency. If you show the slightest glimpse of entrepreneurship, they take the benefits away from you. They decide if you’re a full-time or part-time entrepreneur. At least that’s how it works in Finland. It doesn’t matter if you get paid for your work or not. You need to be really careful or you end up with nothing. You have no money to live on and then you’re in a big trouble financially. You can apply for a startup grant before starting a business but it’s no guarantee you get it. The beginning of 2018, you could try entrepreneurship for 4 months without having to worry about losing your benefits. But it seems it doesn’t really work the way it was planned. Some people got more problems than solutions when they tried it. Reading about their experiences doesn’t attract me to try it.

What concerns me even more than the financial side is finding clients and trying to sell my skills. Am I really good enough for people to buy my services? Is there a market for my services? There’s so much to think about so everything seems so overwhelming. I’m not good at marketing myself. I could hire someone to do it but then you need money. The word, networking, is the worse an introvert can go through. I feel like like I’m an outsider when I’m in situations like that. On social media, it feels like no one notices my posts so I’m paranoid I don’t get people to find my business.
Another concern is the contracts you need for your clients. When I was in school it was already written. Of course, there are tips online about what to write in a contract and so on. But still, it concerns me. I’m worried I make mistakes. Everyone does those sometimes so I shouldn’t feel bad about it if I do. We all learn from our mistakes and so what if it doesn’t go the way you want it to. Maybe these are only excuses because I’m scared of a big change like that.

When you read about opinions or experiences about entrepreneurship it’s negative or really positive. Finns have a bad habit of encouraging others in a negative way. Some have the attitude that you shouldn’t try anything because you’re gonna fail anyway. If someone does something with their life and actually succeed, then other Finns are jealous. People make entrepreneurship like it’s really difficult. Maybe they just say so because they don’t want competition. There is so much paperwork when you have a business. Someone has failed at their business so they don’t recommend it to anyone. There is always an excuse. But those people who fail haven’t done things the right way. I never understood why things are made so difficult when there are things that aren’t that bad. There are so many good things being self-employed. I might not have all that it takes but I shouldn’t stop dreaming about it because someone says it shouldn’t be done. Would it be better to be unemployed and not ever try to do something with my life? I’m not one of those who rather sits on the couch and collects benefits the rest of their lives. The thought of having my own working schedule and not having to go to work like everyone else is tempting. That’s much better than search for a job I might never find.