I have a vivid imagination when it comes to thinking about things. But if I have to write it down, it’s more complicated. It’s easier to live in your head than in real life. I wish I could be more vivid in everyday life. I wish I could get up earlier in the morning. My late mother used to say you have time to do much more during the day if you get up earlier. The problem is that I get to bed late at night. I only get up early twice a month when I travel to Helsinki for the filmmaking course. If I had a job and a reason to get up early, that would be different.
I wish I could be more excited to do made-up design projects to fill my portfolio. But my mind isn’t that vivid for that kind of stuff. It’s challenging to get ideas on your own. No one is there to tell you what you should do. There are websites where you can find made-up projects, but who has the time. I still wouldn’t have any good ideas. I try to practise Adobe programs every day. Especially Illustrator, but I wish I could stick to it too. Other things distract me, though.
Creativity comes in many forms. You can be creative even if you think you’re not. Creativity can be things you do daily. Even thinking about what to eat for lunch or dinner is creativity. The creativity I’m going to write about is creating something from scratch. Creativity is the key to happiness, so here I go.
For as long as I remember, I’ve had a good imagination for storytelling. Mainly in Swedish and English. I never seem to get any ideas for writing in Finnish. Now I only write things in English. It’s more fun, and I’ve learned the English language simultaneously. I also watch a lot of movies and TV shows in that language. Being creative makes me happy. It’s a plus side if someone likes what I write. Otherwise, I wouldn’t post them online. I wish I could have the same enthusiasm for graphic design that I have for writing. I can make up stories, but I can’t write news, so I couldn’t be a journalist. Creativity is no fun when you don’t know what or how to create things. It feels like there are people who are much better at it. A portfolio is an essential thing if you want to work in design. But mine is lame because it doesn’t have any work I’ve been paid to do. But how could I have any when I don’t even get internships? I can’t come up with made-up projects either. My imagination is primarily fictional, but only when I write.
Some are more creative than others. It can also come and go. One day you feel creative, and the other, you’re not. You can’t force it. When I don’t know what to write if it’s blogging or fiction, I do something else instead. I plan things in my head before I write them down. Then there are times when I have a lot to write about. It depends on the day or the mood I’m in. My creativity style is emotional. If I don’t have the “feel”, I don’t do anything. Without inspiration, no one can do anything. If everything is said and done, there is no point in forcing yourself to be creative. I could say the same about this blog post. I’m out of creativity right now. I leave it to another day.
I have recently taken part in a few challenges on Behance and Instagram, so I haven’t had the time to blog. The first one mentioned is an Adobe Illustrator challenge. The other is a typography challenge which is once a year and for 36 days. There is a letter (and number later on) every day. You can use any tool you like and any way you want. If anyone is interested, you can see my work over here. There is a lot of great work other people have done. You can use the tag #36daysoftype on Instagram. The one of Behance about Illustrator has been a lot of fun, and I’ve learned new things. It ended last Friday, but the videos are still there. I also tried the Photoshop one, but I didn’t have time to do that too. There is also a chat on Discord where you can get feedback. That’s very important because graphic design is a learning process. You are never ready. Not only graphic design but also other things in life.
It feels like I’m always late. It took me years to find what I was looking for. I’ve tried different occupations, but I have never found something I felt passionate about. I wanted to do something different. Money hasn’t been a motive for me. I rather do something that makes me feel good. I want enough money so I can afford to live. I don’t believe in that having a job that pays you well. I will rather be without a job than be in a job I don’t like. During those years where I thought about what I want to do for a living, most people already found their things. I feel like I’m only starting out even if I’ve done things for years. I don’t know what my working title is. I have never had a graphic design job where I get paid, so I don’t know if I can call myself a graphic designer. I have only had clients in web design, but that was part of the education. Having a portfolio is an important thing in creativity. Looking at other people’s portfolios, it feels like mine is plain. I don’t have much to show, only school work. If I started with graphic design earlier, I would have something to show. You can’t go back in time. It’s not too late to get something done. You only need enough confidence in yourself. You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, but it isn’t easy. You still feel you’re not up for it. It doesn’t help either when you don’t get hired anywhere. Not even an internship.
On Discord, there is a chat about creative careers where you can post your Behance portfolio. Then you can also get feedback. There are a lot of great work people have done, and then there is me. It’s a bit of an embarrassment because mine isn’t that great. I don’t even dare to introduce myself because I don’t feel like a graphic designer. Even if the first time I studied graphic design in 2009. But I wasn’t doing any of it after 2011 when it ended. The same goes with web design, but I don’t want to do that after all. Another thing is what kind of projects would I do. It seems that a lot of people have branding and visual identities. Trying to be different from other designers is difficult. My confidence in becoming one myself is soon gonna break into pieces like glass. I’m running out of options. I probably will never get a job. I hardly get any follows on social media, so getting those in the professional won’t be easy. I don’t think I will get “discovered” on Behance or any other portfolio places. My path to becoming a graphic designer started too late, and it’s only in my head that someone would hire me for my work. I shouldn’t give up, though. We all go through different paths, and there is no right or wrong way to become something you want to be.
In my world 