My mind has been a little meander so I haven’t had any ideas what to blog about.
Tag: postaday
Fact worse than fiction
If things would be so much easier, I could actually get something done. But the fact is worse than fiction. It doesn’t matter what you do. Things are always made complicated. Then again if it was easy everybody could do it.
I’m on a course about entrepreneurship. It mostly happens online. There already been two meetings with the group of 25. There will be 3 more. It’s always nice to meet new people but most of the time it’s not my cup of tea. Everyone else seems to be bonding so easily. It feels like my introductions put people off. I absolutely hate speaking in front of strangers. I always forget to say things I’ve thought about it. After my introduction, no one asks me anything. Maybe it’s just a Finnish thing. Maybe people just don’t think I’m interested enough. I don’t look for friendship but I wish there would be some connection where I feel comfortable. I’m like a fish out of the water. I’m not sure if I really belong to this course. Especially when networking is so important if you want to have your own business.
Speaking of that. In entrepreneurship there’s so much you have to do. About taxes and all that. If you’re unemployed and start your own, you’re in the hands of the job centre. They’re the ones who decide if you’re a part-time or full-time entrepreneur. It would be much easier if you weren’t signed to their books. But if you’re not, you won’t get unemployment benefits. You don’t get success overnights so you have to live on welfare for a while. If things were fiction, you could just start your business and clients will roll in. But the fact is, it’s not that simple. You have to work on it so maybe working for someone else would be better. But what can you do when you can’t find anything. It’s either entrepreneurship or falling down the society crack.
You probably don’t understand what I write but I just write what I think. It doesn’t have to make sense. If it does, then it’s alright. Sometimes I doubt my writing is confusing and the subject change too quickly in one post. But that’s how my mind works. Blogging won’t save my life but that’s not the point. It’s a hobby and that fact will always be better than fiction.
Restart all over again
I don’t know how many times I had to restart things through my life. I don’t seem to get anything done. Most people already have so much more than me. I’m still in the same place I was when I was a teen. I live on the same street. I still spend my time on my childhood home. The only difference is that I’m older. I guess I’m just loyal. Mentally I’m a different person. I’ve been through life a different way than others. I experience death since I was 6 so my life has never been normal. Despite downfalls, I have got this far. Bad experiences have taught me to look at life in a different way. I’ve accepted things and then moved on.
What I had to restart the most are career choices. I’ve found something that has interested me but then I’ve changed my mind. It’s neither for me or the way to success is too long. The problem in finding a job in this country is, there are jobs in occupations I’m not interested in. I don’t want to restart anything occupation related again. Life is too short to have a job you don’t like. Too many stays because it pays the bills. It’s alright if it’s temporary but you shouldn’t set in your ways. I rather have a job I like and feel comfortable with. That’s why I always wanted to do something creative. But so does a lot of other people which is a bummer. I read an article the local newspaper where it said women and older people feel the most discriminated in a workplace. I already feel discriminated by not getting a second look by employers. I don’t really know if I should bother at all. Working for someone else that is. Some people are so demanding. They want you to do be something you’re not and they expect you to be perfect. They want you to dance to their tune. Then, of course, there are the other employees you have to work with. I would rather work alone then trying to fit into the company’s standards.
So I wouldn’t be completely out of doing nothing. I applied to a labour market training program for people who are thinking about entrepreneurship. I got in after applying to a few others. It’s mostly self-studying but there are at 5 meetings with the group. I could get information about having your own company online but I learn better if someone tells me about it. In a way, it’s another restart for me. I really hope all that studying will pay off because I don’t see I find a job soon. It’s not an easy road to have your own business but if I don’t try to take a chance, I’ll probably regret it. I really should be braver to do things but it’s not easy for me. I really don’t mind restarting things as long as I don’t need to do it over and over again.
In my world 