Failure is not an option

failure is not an option
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Ever had the thought that no matter how many times you try, you feel like a failure? You don’t get the attention you’re looking for. When no one else believes in you, giving up is easier. But nothing would be new if everyone thought the same, and the world wouldn’t have evolved as it is. Everybody won’t become great inventors, but we can do something about our lives. You can either work for others, or you can work for yourself. The latter is the hard way, which scares or worries people, including me. I don’t want to fail because that’s not an option. I don’t have time to start over again. That’s one reason I haven’t taken the step I wish to take, the fear of failure. I’ve failed in different ways. Whether it’s been education or finding a job. Certain things you can’t do yourself, like getting a job. That’s more about luck than failure. I’ve been luckier getting into a school I applied to than getting a job. They say you have a better chance of getting a job if you educate yourself, but in my experience, that isn’t true. Maybe it’s true in some occupations but not in mine.

My biggest fear the most is not being able to pay the bills if I become an entrepreneur. To be paid for a job, you need clients. It’s easier to search for a job but that haven’t happened to me, so I’m seriously thinking about becoming one. I’m already active on social media and have take courses about different approached to online marketing. But my worry is that despite doing what needs to be done, I still don’t get any clients. Am I wasting my time and should I forget about it? Maybe my business plan or dream clients doesn’t exist? What if I’m not good enough because I don’t have work experience and that’s the reason I don’t find clients? Those are the questions I keep asking myself. I don’t want to take the risk to have a business, if I have to wait couple of years to make a profit. Then a job with someone else would be better or being unemployment with benefits. Fortunally, with good planning and good confidence in my skills it won’t take that long. You don’t need to struggle with problems alone because there are people who can help.

I know I work better in an environment that I can control. I’ve been to workplaces where I didn’t feel I belonged. I don’t want to do a job I don’t want to do. Life shouldn’t be about doing things you’re not meant for. I believe you should follow your dreams even if they seem impossible in some other persons eyes. There are always people who hope you fail but that’s because they’re not brave enough to do anything about their own hopes and dreams. When my late Dad worked for another company before he started his own, there were people who were jealous because he made more money than them. But that didn’t stop him from doing a job. He started his company in 1990 and quit at least 2 years before his death this year. He had his ups and downs financially, but his occupation was different from mine. He was a goldsmith and that was an uncertain business. I followed from the sidelines how having a business worked, so I know how it is. He could chose his own hours and that’s more my style too. I’m not meant to do 9-5 jobs and people breathing down my neck. I want to be able to be myself and not try to act to be someone I’m not.

An interview about me

q and a
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I thought it would be fun if you could interview yourself. Asking yourself questions you wish someone would ask, but no one ever does. This is not a selfish act like a particular American presidential candidate does *cough* Trump *cough* It’s only a bit of fun, and maybe get to know me better. The questions are from Gemini (Google AI)

Questions to Get to Know You Better

General Interest

What are you passionate about?

I’m not passionate about anything. I have opinions and things I like to do, but I wouldn’t call them passions.

What kind of music do you enjoy listening to?

I listen to all kinds of music, except music styles where they scream. My favourite band is Duran Duran and Bon Jovi. My favourite singers are Robbie Williams and Bryan Adams. If I wrote every band and singer, it would take forever to write them down. Besides Robbie, Bryan and DD, I’ve been to Pet Shop Boys and Toto concerts. That might give you a general idea of what kind of music I listened to.

Do you have any hobbies or interests?

My prominent hobby is writing this blog. But I also do photography, write fan fiction, cycle, and watch movies.

What is your favourite book or movie?

I don’t read much, but I like biographies and books about different subjects. I love movies, and I have many favourites. (FYI; When I was 10 years old, I belonged to a movie club.) I love Lord of the Rings and Pirates of the Caribbean. I’ve seen those movies several times on DVD. I also love The Hobbit movies, the most underrated trilogy ever.

Where would you like to travel if you could go anywhere in the world?

New Zeeland, but I probably never will. You need money to travel, and I can only afford cruises to Stockholm or Tallinn. Being unemployed sucks when it comes to money.

Personal and Background

What is your ideal day like?

I could sleep all day and stay up all night, but life is too short to do only that. It would be nice to do things I like, but you don’t get paid to do that.

What are you proud of achieving?

I might be proud of having a good upbringing and the courage to stay alive even if things weren’t always good.

What is something you’ve learned recently?

I feel that all my hard work on social media is being ignored. Maybe it’s the algorithms, or I’m not good enough to be liked for what I post there.

What’s one thing you’d like to improve about yourself?

I wish I weren’t so lazy about starting things. I also wish I could make decisions faster than I do now.

What kind of environment do you thrive in?

Where I can be alone most of the time.

Future Goals and Aspirations

What are your long-term goals?

To find peace. Since my dad died in February, I still have things to do. Some things take so long. I will sell my flat, but the cleaning and all that takes forever.

What kind of work environment do you prefer?

I need a place where I can do my work in peace. I can work if the music is on, but if someone is talking, it’s a different manner.

What motivates you in your career?

I don’t have a career. You need a job to have that.

What challenges are you excited to overcome?

Excited isn’t the word, but I was happy to finish or leave an education I didn’t like.

What do you hope to achieve in the next five years?

I don’t have a job, and it looks like I won’t either. I hope I can be an entrepreneur by then. But I haven’t even started yet, so maybe it won’t happen. If I do, I hope it succeeds fasten then in 5 years.

Deeper Questions

What makes you laugh?

Comedy. People that have a particular look on their faces in comedy shows or movies. Kelsey Grammar (Frasier) has the best one. That’s what made the show funny to this day. Also, Jim Carrey makes me laugh.

What are you grateful for in your life?

I had parents who let me be me. Without them, I’m not the person I am today. I’m also grateful for having a sister, even if I only had her for six years. Having both of my grandmothers was also a blessing. May they all rest in peace.

What is your biggest fear?

My biggest fear used to be dogs, but I got over it. Now, I don’t mind if one sniffs me. I used to be terrified if they got even close. My other fear was losing my parents, but now they’re gone anyway. At least I had them around while growing up. If I lost them as a teenager, then things could be different. Death is part of life, and one day, I will be gone, too. My biggest fear is that I get cancer like my mother or I will get some other illness with lots of pain. I also fear needles. That’s one of the reasons why I don’t donate blood or get a tattoo.

What is something you’re struggling with right now?

To go to bed early and wake up early, too. I don’t have a reason to get up when I don’t have a job.

What is your life philosophy?

You get born, you live a decent life, and then you die.

THE END

To be or not to be, that is the question

people on crossroad
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That’s all the Shakespeare I know. Life is full of questions. Besides the question, what the hell did Shakespeare talk about. One of them is what to do for a living. I don’t know why some find it easily, but for some, it takes years. I thought I had found it, but now it doesn’t feel right either. I’m just not ambitious enough, and I don’t have dreams to fulfil. At least something I don’t have the courage to do. Maybe my destiny is to be unemployed. I thought about entrepreneurship, but I haven’t thought about it for a while. I don’t think I’m good enough, and there is so much work. Maybe it isn’t for me after all. Marketing yourself and finding clients. I thought of trying to find a job somewhere else.

I’ve tried to search for something to apply for, but there isn’t much. If there is, I don’t have enough experience. They say you should try anyway, but writing applications are too difficult to write, so I don’t want to bother. It feels waste of energy to do something I know I won’t get. I’m not an expert on any programs, but who is because you can always learn more. Calling myself a professional doesn’t feel right. I feel more like an amateur. In design, a portfolio of your best work is important, but mine isn’t any good. I don’t get an internship because I’m too old. They only take students and young people. It’s a bit embarrassing to ask to be an intern at my age. I don’t have anything to offer them anyway.

Maybe I should only study something instead. Even if it won’t get me a job. I would at least have something to do. I’ve thought about marketing, but we’ll see about that. This post might sound pessimistic, but these are only questions I’m thinking about. To be or not to be, that is the question, like in Shakespeare’s play ‘Hamlet.’ Mine are only different kind.