Tag: rdp

Disappointment is my middle name

MiaLeave a comment
Made in Canva. Photo from Pixabay.

October is here already. The only thing that I’m looking forward to is winter. But that will probably be snowless and grey. I always seem to be a disappointment in most things I do. Maybe not in other people’s eyes but my own. It feels like it comes vapor out of my head because things upset me. When others are having something to do. I just keep living in my head. I should do this and that but I never get around doing it. That’s why I’m stuck in a rut and I’m too afraid to do anything about it. It really brings me down. Life shouldn’t be this hard. It isn’t depression. Everyone feels down sometimes and that’s what I feel right now. It has nothing to do with the weather or anything. I find happiness from time to time. I don’t get anything done which is the problem. I have too many distractions.

People I know personally and not so personally all have some purpose in their life. My dad and my cousin have their own business. Both of them wanted to do something and they did it. I don’t have the same courage. Sometimes I wonder if they’re really are my relatives. Even my mother was braver than me. I’m just lazy and a coward. I can be happy for other people and I don’t feel envious. I’m mostly a disappointment to myself and there is no way out. I work hard, in my mind but when it comes to actual work, not so much. It doesn’t help much when I go on LinkedIn or other job search sites. All I get, ‘do you know this person?’ on LinkedIn. No, I don’t. I don’t why it has to suggest anyone. It’s weird to add people you don’t even know. They only appear because someone else probably knows them. My biggest problem is not finding a job, it’s about not finding anything to apply to.

I always think I should to this or that but then up doing nothing or something else. When I studied web design I thought about entrepreneurship but that didn’t go anywhere. Now it’s been about 3 years since I graduated and I haven’t done much since then. Not even with my website. Then when I studied graphic design I thought about starting something during it or after that. Nothing happened either. Now when I’ve seen works from current students in Helsinki Design School, my work is not as good. So now it’s October and I haven’t accomplished a thing career-wise. I can’t even call it a career. Maybe I don’t want it enough or I would have done something by now. Last year I went to an entrepreneurship course and I made a business plan. It feels like all of those educations they have gone to waste because all I do it complain about how difficult things are. No one said it’s easy because if it was everyone could do it. But I’m not confident about my skills. I’m in between forgetting design altogether or hanging on. It seems there are neither graphic designers or web designers everywhere so there is no need for my kind. Maybe I concentrate on that too much. Either way, my middle name is disappointment but I know I shouldn’t stress so much about it.

The fungus of something

Mia2 Comments
mold
Made in Canva

When I thought about fungus I thought about fungus in your feet. Not the one you can eat.  I don’t like them anyway. In a way, a lot of things in this world is a fungus infection. A sickness that makes the world go crazy. Not just people but things in life. Adults get mad at teens worrying about climate change. Even neighbours in the place you live are one kind of fungus infection. Those who don’t care about anything but themselves. Having loud parties or bullying with their smoking or instrument playing. Violence against other people and so on. If you just stand by and watch it all, you’re part of the problem. Thinking you can’t do anything about certain things is just laziness. If there’s a will there’s a way. Especially if it’s about climate change. In some things, it’s also about attitude.

Many people have this belief what they see is what they get. But looks can deceive. Recently there’s been talk about how young people are not satisfied with the way they look. Some have a certain look and people see them as weird. I’ve had the same problem when I was younger. Then there weren’t any Instagram and all those things. Then it was people in school who judged you. It’s no wonder people get depressed these days with all these beauty standards. It’s so much about appearance. Things are not what they seem so people should stop judging someone the way they look. You don’t know their story. The fungus infection of society is the judgement of differences. They say you should be yourself but then you’re not allowed to be different. You have to be in a certain mould to be accepted. Sorry to disappoint but the world doesn’t work that way. This planet is for everyone no matter how they look. Don’t get me started on relationships. Especially celebrity ones. That’s a freak show of its own.

Another fungus infection is an argument between the employed and the unemployed. Mostly those people with jobs. Some think people without work are lazy and all they do is lay down on the couch. FYI I don’t even own one, hahaha. It’s easy for those to say who can master the a§§kissing in the job search. If you’ve never been unemployed you don’t know how it is. All the unemployed are different so don’t go and generalise if someone actually is lazy. Some actually do want to work but is not given the opportunity. It doesn’t matter how much you beg for a job because it doesn’t pop up just like that. People are too easily judged and that’s the worst fungus there is.