Been here before

red and white neon sign
Made in Canva

Some disappointing news first. The Elton John concert was supposed to be this year in Helsinki, but now it’s been postponed to 2023. No new date yet. This is some kind of déjà-vu. Some years ago, a concert was postponed that I was going to attend. Then there were no new dates added, so I didn’t get my money back because I waited too long. The concert was only 50 euros though. Now it’s happened again. I’m not sure I want to go to see Elton John after all. I’m not that big of a fan. He’s just one of my favourite artists. It’s gonna take ages to the concert, and maybe it won’t happen at all. Then it might be too late to get the money back. No one knows what gonna happen until 2023. You can get very ill and die. Maybe I don’t feel like going at all. The ticket wasn’t that cheap, so it would be a shame if I can’t get the money back. At first, I thought, I won’t go after all, but I’m not sure now. If I decided not to go or something else comes up, I hope I get a refund. It would be nice to see him live, though. It’s his farewell tour, after all.

The UX/UI course ended. Every time I study something, and it ends, it feels like I’ve been on the same page before. I have to start things over again. I never get anywhere, job-wise. What is the point of all of this studying if it never pays off? It only gives me something to do, and learning something new is always nice. It feels I repeat things. If it comes to writing this blog or fan fiction. I try to do things differently, but I get the deja vu feeling. It seems that same feeling comes when I see job suggestions on LinkedIn. I don’t why I get things like teaching jobs. Do my profile show I have any education about that? No, the same with some expert jobs. You can’t even stop those suggestions from coming. I wouldn’t be a very good teacher anyway. Also, the tips people share about how a resume should be like are coming out of my ears. If you have nothing interesting to add, it doesn’t matter how they look like. It’s only repeating the same old things.

I can’t think of anything else to say about deja vu.

I can’t think of anything else to say about deja vu. Oh, there it was again 😀

Taking the train to somewhere

inside a train
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There are many ways to travel to places. Besides going by bus and by car, I’ve mostly travelled by train. The problem is that it isn’t cheap. It’s a faster way, but if the bus is cheaper, I rather take that. No matter what way I travel, I can never sleep very well. Unless I’m exhausted. It’s the sleeping sitting up, even if you can turn the seat a little. The first time I travelled alone by train was when I was 17 when I went to study in another city. Or it was in a small town. It wasn’t fun to travel there the first time. I had no numbered seat, so I had to move to another one. The train was full, and I had things with me. I had to walk around on the train, trying to find an empty seat. I had to stand for the rest of the trip. Carrying all those things and then trying not to fall. Those trains weren’t as steady as they’re now. Luckily I always found a seat when I went home over the weekend. It was the 1990s, so you had to buy a ticket from the train station. Since I was a student, I had a series ticket, and if you wanted a numbered seat, you had to reserve it by phone. I didn’t want to do it since I didn’t like talking on the phone, so I rather sit where it was free. Today there are mobiles and apps to do all those things, so it’s much easier. I don’t use apps when it comes to buying tickets. I don’t really trust them. If I go somewhere, I buy the ticket via the computer and print it out on paper.

The best about taking the train is watching the view pass by. I’ve travelled by train early in the morning and seen the sunrise. Seeing it feels different on the train. I’ve seen a misty morning. The fields look like they’re cooling down, and smoke rises up from the ground. It’s a beautiful sight that is difficult to describe if you haven’t seen it yourself. You can’t really get the same feeling when you’re going by bus. My least favourite thing about trains is when they are crowded. Once when I studied in another town, I had to change trains. They were usually quite empty in the morning, so I thought it was strange that many people were in it. A moment later, I realised I was on the wrong train. I had to get out of it on the next station. Luckily the right train came behind the wrong one. If I hadn’t noticed I was on the wrong train, I would have got late for school and been in the wrong place. That was quite an adventure that time of the morning. I didn’t make the same mistake again.

I haven’t used the train for a while. If I had gone somewhere, I’ve taken the bus, because it’s cheaper. Next time I might take the train is when I’m going to see Elton John concert next month. The problem is, will it be moved to next year again? If you buy a train ticket, you can’t get your money back. Or it will be difficult to. If the concert will be on, they should inform about it as soon as possible, because the earlier I get to buy the train ticket, the cheaper it is. When it comes to public transport, the schedules are the concern. That day, the last train leaves after 8 pm, and the concert will be much longer than that. There won’t be any buses going either. Maybe I should stay at a hotel, but that isn’t cheap either. I won’t be driving there, because of different reasons. Whatever I chose, I rather go by train than a bus. Sitting on a bus for two hours isn’t good for my legs. I need to have them straight from time to time, or I will feel uncomfortable. So choo, choo train it is.

To be or not to be, that is the question

people on crossroad
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That’s all the Shakespeare I know. Life is full of questions. Besides the question, what the hell did Shakespeare talk about. One of them is what to do for a living. I don’t know why some find it easily, but for some, it takes years. I thought I had found it, but now it doesn’t feel right either. I’m just not ambitious enough, and I don’t have dreams to fulfil. At least something I don’t have the courage to do. Maybe my destiny is to be unemployed. I thought about entrepreneurship, but I haven’t thought about it for a while. I don’t think I’m good enough, and there is so much work. Maybe it isn’t for me after all. Marketing yourself and finding clients. I thought of trying to find a job somewhere else.

I’ve tried to search for something to apply for, but there isn’t much. If there is, I don’t have enough experience. They say you should try anyway, but writing applications are too difficult to write, so I don’t want to bother. It feels waste of energy to do something I know I won’t get. I’m not an expert on any programs, but who is because you can always learn more. Calling myself a professional doesn’t feel right. I feel more like an amateur. In design, a portfolio of your best work is important, but mine isn’t any good. I don’t get an internship because I’m too old. They only take students and young people. It’s a bit embarrassing to ask to be an intern at my age. I don’t have anything to offer them anyway.

Maybe I should only study something instead. Even if it won’t get me a job. I would at least have something to do. I’ve thought about marketing, but we’ll see about that. This post might sound pessimistic, but these are only questions I’m thinking about. To be or not to be, that is the question, like in Shakespeare’s play ‘Hamlet.’ Mine are only different kind.