Why do I even bother?

sheldon cooper gif
Source: https://are-you-for-serial.tumblr.com/post/123562914844/can-i-get-some-of-those-united-nations-headphones

Got another rejection in the job search. “We have looked at your application but you’re not the one we’re looking for” Not exactly those words but close. I don’t know why I bother applying for jobs. Why should I strain myself with writing applications? It doesn’t matter what I write, I still get nothing. I can’t understand how people waste their time writing hundreds of applications. It’s a waste of time and energy. No wonder people get depressed. Being rejected by anyone is not nice. I rather use my time doing other things than writing applications that only makes my head spin. I don’t even think I study new things to get a job anymore. I study for my own amusement because what else can I do. Job search is like dating. People say “you’ll find someone too” which is the same “you’ll find a job too” I wouldn’t hold my breath I would say to both.

It seems I won’t get a job as a web designer and I won’t get a job in graphic design. Open positions don’t show up every day in that field. I wonder how someone gets hired who have no common sense. Or people who can’t park their cars, bike, electric kick scooters or any other vehicle in the right place or between the lines in a parking lot. Or they can’t close the gate or door behind them. It’s usually people who are incapable of doing daily things by themselves. Maybe they’re just good at lying in job interviews or any other skill to get hired. You either need to be very lucky or be a fake person to get a job. At least in this country. Especially if you’re an introvert with no job experience in your field, you’re officially in the rejection pile. And you have gaps in your work experience. If I was mentally weak, I would too have difficulties to cope with my joblessness. Getting another rejection letter (email in this case) just bounces off my shoulders. I knew I wouldn’t get chosen for the next step anyway so I’m not that surprised. They were probably looking for someone in their 20’s who have just graduated from school. Not someone who’s over 40 who just have graduated from an education. Just as well. I rather move on. I wouldn’t have been up to the job anyway.

I don’t fit in any company. I have the personality of a toilet brush, for starters. Joke aside. I’m a loner who’s not very good company when it comes to being social with a co-worker. That’s what employers are looking for mostly. A person who socialise but at the same time have skills of a superhuman. Who’s living in a dream world, huh? People with jobs have no real idea of how it is to be unemployed. Unless they’ve been one themselves. These days you can’t just go to a company and you get hired right there and then. That’s not how it works. Before judging the unemployed, people should look at the bigger picture. Telling someone to get a job doesn’t help at all. It’s so easy to blame the unemployed when there is much else to it. I have no personal experiences of negative comments but I’ve read a lot of those on the Internet. I feel really annoyed for them who has to hear it constantly. Some people can’t even do any job. They have allergies or other physical problems. Like people with jobs, all unemployed are different.

If people want to write job applications for any job, then so be it. But I only apply for a job I’ve studied. Call me picky but I call it having standards. I see no point using my energy to search for a job I know I’m not qualified for. The quality is more important than quantity when it comes to job search. You only get stressed if you’re forced to look for any job. Job search is unfair. People with connections have a better chance to get a job than someone who hasn’t. It shouldn’t be that way but that’s how it works. Apparently, you can find connections but I don’t know how that really works. I think it’s awkward to get in touch with a person you never even met. This thing about branding yourself to get your dream job is unnatural. Since when have humans become products? If you have your own business, then branding is good but in a job search, I think not. Then only the young and the beautiful will get a job. Why do I even bother with this whole job search thing? It’s too complex when it shouldn’t. I better just be unemployed for the rest of my life. But that’s a destiny I’m not gonna accept.

No one speaks my language

greek writing on a wall
Made in Canva

I speak 3 languages, Finnish, Swedish and English. I also speak sarcasm but most people don’t get it so I don’t use it very often. I just roll my eyes. There are so many stupid people out there who you can roll your eyes to. Or simple people but stupid is a more powerful word. Like in Pet shop boys song, ‘I’m with stupid’, “Is stupid really stupid or a different kind of smart?” Everyone does stupid things sometimes but some take it too seriously. For me, stupid is not being able to do the most simple things like closing a gate or switching a light off. Unless you’ve have some kind of disability and you can’t do those things. People with no common sense are usually the stupid ones. Or maybe it’s just ignorance. People who only think about themselves are also stupid and there are a lot of those. Sometimes I get the feeling I’m the only with a brain. Others are just headless hens running around.

It feels no one speaks my language. I always felt I’ve been misunderstood. Not about what I say but what I am about. People judge you by only looking at you or meeting you and then think that’s what you are. But there’s more than meets the eye. It seems people’s intelligent stops there after they’ve met you. That’s one kind of stupidity, giving up on you too soon. I don’t know how people find any friends in the first place. Maybe I just haven’t met them. I never seem to have anything in common with people. Now even in Helsinki Design School. I don’t think I’ll become friends with any of them. When the education is over that’s it. The same happened last time I went to this school. Maybe I’m just too boring to become friends with. But whatever. It doesn’t hurt me much. It’s better to be alone than be with the wrong people. I don’t need more drama in my life. It’s much nicer to meet new people anyway and not get stick with old ones.

Being rejected by other people doesn’t hurt as much it hurt to be rejected by a job. Not getting that internship still bums me up. Especially when they still have the opportunity open. The interview went well from my part. It was unpaid and still, they didn’t want to give me a chance. Maybe it’s an age thing. It was meant for young people. I know it’s old news that I didn’t get it. I moved on but still when I think about it, it sucks big time. If I can’t even get an unpaid job, how can I get a paid one? In the dark moments, I think of giving up the whole job search and live on well-fare for the rest of my life. But I don’t want to wait for an opportunity that will probably never come. Rejections can make you feel you’re not good enough to be hired. It’s the stupidity of the employers where the fault is. They expect too much and judge a person by how they act in the job interview. If you get one that is which is probably the most frustrating thing when you don’t. I will never succeed in job interviews because I can’t be something I’m not. Therefore, I’m not fit enough for their company but it’s probably not meant to be.

It’s really other people’s problem if they don’t speak the same language as me. I understand myself and that’s what matters. There is always someone who tries to change the person you are. But it’s their stupidity and it has nothing to do with you.