Bloganuary: Dreams are made of these

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Day 24. Sometimes I remember my dreams, but they disappear from the mind after a while. I usually dream about places I’ve been to and people I used to know. Before we buried my mother, she used to appear in them. After we did, they disappeared. But I still see her in my dreams. My dreams are also quite strange from time to time. They are in two parts. First, they’re in one place, and suddenly the scenes change. Sometimes they don’t make sense. I own a book about dreams and their meanings. Sometimes I look at it, but that’s only for fun. My dreams have no special meaning. Sometimes when I sleep, I don’t see any dreams. At least not what I remember.

Some people might hear talking in their dreams, but it’s only visual for me. Before I got a driver’s license, I used to have dreams where I drove a car, but I couldn’t find the breaks. The car went really fast. It was quite an awful dream. I don’t have premonition dreams, but this one came true. Last November, I drove on the highway. Suddenly, the gas pedal got stuck to the floor. My heart was beating fast, and it was so scary. Fortunately, there wasn’t any traffic. I carefully put on the break, and it slowed down. My dad was with me, so at least I wasn’t alone. The pedal got stuck in traffic once too. At least I didn’t crash into anyone. The mat on the floor had got under the gas pedal, which was why it got stuck.

I’m usually the spectator in my dreams, and no one sees me. It’s alright if it’s only an ordinary dream. But if it’s a dream about someone I like, I’m a little disappointed. But once, I had a dream where the person did see me, and we even spoke. It was about actor Tom Hiddleston.

I was in some public bathroom brushing my teeth with toothpaste, and he was there too. I said to him “I really hate toothpaste” (which I do in real life) He said something to me, but I don’t what. He was really nice to me.

It was a weird dream, but I was so happy he saw me. I wish I remembered what he said, though. That would have been even better. I have seen a dream about him later too, but it was from afar. Having a good dream after a night sleep makes you feel good the rest of the day. Having a bad dream makes you feel the opposite. Hopefully, I don’t see them very often. It would be nice if you could save your dreams somewhere, but that’s an impossible dream.

Becoming an elder is not that bad

open diary and a pen

I don’t know what it is but when you become elder, you start to remember old things. Things you’ve been through and people you met. Even if you’re not that old, you still think about old things. Looking back at my life so far, I’m not the same person when I was a child or a teenager. If I met old school mates they wouldn’t know the person I am today. I hope I never meet these people. I would say thanks because without them I wouldn’t have become stronger. You shouldn’t live in the past and you need to grow because if you don’t you make the same mistakes over and over again. That’s not what life is about. It’s about growing and feel more confident about yourself.

Tomorrow the education in graphic design begins. I’m both excited and nervous at the same time. I love learning new things and this school has pros teaching. The nervous part is the introducing yourself to strangers. You never know what kind of people will attend this class. Last time I went to Helsinki Design School (2014-2015) the introduction didn’t go as I planned it. Now I’ve thought about it what I could say because I know what to expect. But I can’t guarantee I will succeed this time either. Thinking what to say and actually saying something out loud is two different things. Introverts know what I mean. Introducing myself could be different now since it was after all 4 years ago. My mother used to say I’m nervous around people I don’t know because I haven’t been around others so much. Or maybe it was talking on the phone? I don’t really remember. Anyway, I have been around people since I went to this school. Actually, I’ve changed my attitude when I go to new places. I used to be nervous because I was afraid to do something wrong. Now I’m more relaxed. In the end, it doesn’t matter how it goes. A lot of people dislike introducing themselves or being worried about making a mistake. Positive thinking makes you go far.

If I had a chance to go back in time, I would only go if I could experience things when my sister was still alive. Those were good memories. It would have been nice to meet my cousins from my father’s side when I was younger. My dad is a twin but his sister was too afraid to get in touch. But you deal with the cards you get. I’m glad I know my cousins now. At least the one who lives in my city. All this time I thought I only had one cousin from my mother’s side. Life is full of surprises. I rather see to the future than the past. Becoming an elder is not that bad. You always learn something and your thoughts change. When you experience things, you see things from a different angle. It can make you mentally stronger but it can also make you weaker. It depends how you see things. Giving up is not the answer. No matter how bad things are, there is always hope. We all become elder no matter what you try. We just have to make the best of it.