Repost: What I value in friendships

friendships
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I’m old enough to know what I value in friendships. I haven’t been that lucky with that. From my past experiences, I’ve learned what I don’t like in a friend. I’ve written about friendships before on this blog. You can find a few links about it at the end of this post. I have a few precedents of it, so I know what I’m talking about.

The most important thing is honesty. A person who pretends to be my friend and then find someone else has no place in my life. I had a friend in school like that. There were days when she chose that other girl to spend her time with. I was just a substitute when she had a disagreement with the other one. With honesty, I don’t mean you should judge someone by the way they dress or something like that. Honesty is telling you they have another friend and not pretending they want to be your friend. I rather be told they don’t want to spend time with me than being ignored. It hurts more than honest words. If someone doesn’t want to be my friend, they shouldn’t pretend to be so. Fake friends are easy to find. It’s the honest ones you have to search for with cats and dogs. If you had bad experiences of friendships, it’s no wonder you don’t want to get close to anyone or let people in your life.

I value respect in a friend. Someone who accepts you for who you are. A true friend doesn’t tell others how to dress or trying to look a certain way. Friends should respect others opinions and don’t start a fight over something they don’t agree with. We can’t always agree, but you shouldn’t stop being a friend because they don’t agree with you. They shouldn’t talk crap behind your back. A true friend doesn’t makeup rumours. I don’t know if my so-called friends made up some rumour, and frankly, I don’t care. They had no respect for me because if they did, they wouldn’t have ignored me. A friend who spreads rumours is no friend. Maybe their own life is so empty, so they have to make up things. Respect is also about supporting a friend in their life choices. If it’s about careers or relationships. A friend doesn’t put you down and saying you’re doing it wrong or you don’t have what it takes. Being supportive is true friendship.

Trustworthiness is important in any relationship. If you can’t trust a friend, you can’t really be a real friend. I don’t remember if I ever told anyone a secret, but that’s not the only way to lose trust in a person. If a friend pretends to be a friend but still doesn’t have any respect for you, you can’t confide in that person with anything. The risk can be that the person tells the other friend what you have told your friend. So you keep things to yourself instead. Once you lose trust in a person, it’s difficult to get it back. Sometimes it’s lost for good. It’s better to find new friends than trying to get the trust back. I’m happy I didn’t need to have these people in my life. I went to a Finnish Swedish school, and when I got a Finnish only school, I didn’t see the old classmates anymore. I haven’t had any problems like this in my adult life. I’m just more careful when it comes to friendships.

I don’t deny my past experiences haven’t affected my life because they have. It hasn’t made me weaker, though. Actually, it’s the opposite. The problem is not about trusting people. It’s about finding someone who has the same interests. Or at least have something in common with. I haven’t found anyone like that in real life. They always seem to be on a different wavelength than me. A true friend is someone you can confide in. They don’t judge you, and you can say anything to them without having to worry; they don’t want to continue the friendship. When I meet new people, I always have to think before speaking so I don’t say too much. I wish I wouldn’t need to worry about that. Since I never had a friend who stands by me no matter what happens, I don’t really know what that’s like. Maybe I find that kind of friendship when I’m really old. Friendships don’t see age. In life, you never know. A friend can appear from anywhere. In this case, patience is a virtue.

Old posts of friendship
Partner in crime
Nothing on the horizon
Hey, fake person

Originally posted: Published 2018/06/25 at 9:52 pm

Repost: What is that scent?

roses
©Mia Salminen

When I think about scent, I think about something that smells good. My favorite scent is salty liquorice a.k.a. salmiakki, a.k.a. Finnish candy/sweets. Opening a bag of it and smell it, is one of the best things I know. Who can resist a good scent. When you say smell, it sound like something horrible. Cigarettes for example is a smell, not a scent. Instead of asking, “What’s that smell?” it should be “What’s that scent?” Of course you can’t say that about something that smells awful. Not all are good scents. If someone wears perfume too much even if it smells good, it can still be awful. I can’t be close to a person who scent is too strong. I can’t even walk pass a perfume stand without feeling a tickle in my nose. The same goes with scented candles. I can’t be near them without feeling like I’m choking.

Too much is too much. People should really think about those who are allergic. If you want to smell better, how about taking a shower. Especially men who wear aftershave. A clean one smells much better than someone who wears fragrances. If you really need to use them, it should be something that doesn’t smell. Besides a lot of those perfumes are tested on animals so that’s another reason why you shouldn’t use any. The best scent of the world should be called ‘Clean’ I wonder when they’re starting to develop a fragrance like that. If you want to smell something, smell clean. Most of the fragrances smell awful anyway. If you’ve seen those ‘Axe’ commercials where a man wears it and all females goes wild, that’s all fake. It doesn’t smell anything divine and I would even get near a man who use it. The same with Calvin Kleins ‘CK’ It smells like rotten oranges or lemons. You won’t get a date by wearing celebrities or designer fragrances. It’s the person you are that makes you interesting.

Another scent I like is freshly cut grass. That’s a lot of people’s favorite. It’s a sign of summer. Walking on the grass is so soft. When it has just been cut, the scent reaches your nostrils and you feel like you’ve been born again. I can’t wait for the spring to come and the grass to grow. If I lost one sense, I hope it wouldn’t be the sense of smell. Even if there are bad smells, a scent of summer and spring doesn’t compare to anything.

Originally published on 

Repost: Going around a circle

Nothing much has happened after that. My life is still circular and there is no end. Look for a job outside your field, they say. I’ve tried that but I get nothing there either. An outcast for life in getting a job, I guess.

PUBLISHED ON September 30, 2017circles

 

Stuck in a rut. Going nowhere. Stand still. Going around in circles. You name it. My life is a circle. Nothing really exciting happens and when it does, it always ends. It’s not like I want to have excitement in my life. But it would be nice to have something. Especially earning my own money. I haven’t found a job and it’s already October (tomorrow) I sleep late and when I wake up, half the day is gone. I do work better in the evening but then I’m lazy and rather watch something online instead. It’s useless to wake up early in the morning when I don’t have a reason to. I also go to bed late. Sometimes I’m still up at 4 am. I sleep really well but it’s going to bed early which is the problem.

Read more via Going around a circle