Today’s word in Ragtag Daily Prompt is, Invisible. I have written about this before, so here are the old posts from my archive. Nothing much has changed since then when it comes to my thoughts.
Published on Thinking of my life so far, it has really been very inefficient. I don’t really have anything special to tell the future generations. My biggest achievement is probably staying alive this far. Or I haven’t killed anyone yet. That counts for something, doesn’t it? Read more here.
Published on There is a song by Queen called ‘The invisible man‘ That’s what I feel but as a woman. I’m an invisible individual that no one seems to care about in real life. Except for my dad. I’m totally fine with that because I don’t want that much attention. Read more here
Published on This is a sketch from the British comedy show, The Fast Show. I don’t know why the word camouflage reminded me of this. Sometimes it feels like I’m invisible. But in some things, it’s kind of good. I don’t want that much attention from other people. Read more here
Sometimes I wonder why I even bother doing anything. Doing things for yourself is not always enough. You need that certain approval from others. I feel I’m being ignored. No matter what I do I don’t get noticed. I think I’m not good at anything. Maybe it’s silly to feel like I don’t matter because I know I do. My last job proved it. Maybe I’m the only one who thinks I have a talent and I don’t give anyone that wow feeling about the things I do. Sometimes I get ideas but they don’t last very long. Then I just lose motivation. This is what I feel when it comes to design or posting things on social media. If I don’t get many likes to things I do as a hobby, it’s OK because I don’t get paid for it. But if it was something professional it would be a bigger deal. That’s one of the reasons why it’s tough for me to begin with anything on my own.
I got an email from Helsinki Design School where I studied both photography and graphic design, where they asked if any former or current students have become entrepreneurs and how their studies in school have helped them. In the email, there were questions to be answered. One of them was, “At what stage did you start your business?” I still haven’t started even if I had thought about it several times since that school. I thought about starting something during the education but nothing happened. I realised I couldn’t concentrate on two things at the same time. I just didn’t have the strength. Now when I don’t have a job anymore, I could begin with something. But then comes this doubt I’m not good enough. I feel I don’t belong with the other people who do design of some sort. A voice is saying in the back of my head, you’re not good enough to be a designer, stick to your day job. It’s not my mind saying it, it’s what others might think of me. Even in school in Helsinki, I felt others were so much better than me. When I post my work on social media I only get one or two likes. If I’m lucky three. If I don’t get many likes, how will I get clients? There are designers who have much more experience than I have. The competition is so hard so I don’t think I’m not good enough. No employers are lining up behind me either so there is no hope of finding a job in design.
If someone could paint their love all over my world and prove to me I got what it takes, maybe then I would be more confident about the things I do. Not just by one person but by several people. Being an entrepreneur is not only about knowing how to do things, but it’s also getting new ideas which I’m not that good at. I’m not a risktaker so it’s much tougher for me to start anything. Right now there are some personal things going on so I don’t want to think about what to do next.
Making up things. Names and things like that. How to explain things to strangers. Telling things about yourself. Trying to remember a song but you don’t remember who it is by. Searching information on Google but not knowing what keyword to use. Trying to get people to like your posts on social media. Especially on Instagram. That is the frustration of different things in life. Maybe not all people get frustrated about the same things. But I’m not writing about them anyway.
What frustrates me the most right now is posting on social media. No matter how many keywords I use, not many people take notice. People post a lot of crap and yet they get really many likes. I never like the same others like. Especially if they’re selfies. The whole keywords thing is stressful. I run out of ideas. It’s the same with this blog. If this wasn’t only a hobby I would be even more frustrated. Instagram should be called Keywordsgram because you need a lot of them. If I had a business I wouldn’t use it as a platform. Maybe only people’s friends like their posts. Instagram in general is a mystery to me. I can only dream about having a lot of followers there. It’s such a pain to write on the phone anyway. I’ve decided I won’t stress about not getting noticed. I post for myself.
Work can be a bit frustrating too. Especially when there are days you have nothing to do. In the end, even the internet is becoming boring. You might think to yourself, is this really worth waking up early for? If it wasn’t for the colleagues I would feel even more bored. If I was offered to continue with this work, I would decline. I don’t think I can take more of this than necessary. It would be nice to have a job where you have something to do every day. At this job, you can’t express yourself the way you want to. There are days when I wish I didn’t have to go anywhere far. I’m always so tired after work so I don’t have the strength to do things I used to. Like writing this blog. But at least I have a job. For now at least.
There can be a lot of frustrating things in life. Things like radio playlists where they play the same songs many times a day. Like the band sand artists only had one song. People leaving no room where you walk. Like the coronavirus didn’t exist anymore. Certain dog people not picking up dog droppings from the ground. Neighbours having loud parties. People leaving electric kickboards in the middle of the sidewalk. Having to repeat yourself to every new person you meet. Especially in a job search. Trying to make up blog titles and how to end blog posts. But you should not let those things get to you. Frustration is only a feeling and it will go away eventually. It will only make you stressed if you have that feeling too long. Focus on something that pleases you and look on the bright side. Things won’t last forever.
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