Let’s not jinx it

jinx
Made in Canva

Have you heard the saying, if you talk about it, you might jinx it? If there isn’t, then there should be. The sports commentators usually talk about how things might go, and the next, it does happen. For example, in alpine skiing, the commentator says, I hope they don’t drive off, but then the skier does. The same goes for having plans. You shouldn’t tell about them to anyone before you make sure it will become something. But sometimes that doesn’t work either.

I believe I have jinxed a lot of things without knowing it. Or maybe I’m just jinxed. I never get lucky in anything. I shouldn’t expect too much from others. Just because you have things to say, it doesn’t mean everyone else has. Like in writing fiction. When I post my stories online, I don’t get many comments. Even if I have written the story, I would have reactions to them. Sometimes one person might react to them, but not so many others. If the story has a drama part, I don’t get any comments. If I was the reader, I would have things to say. It’s not the end of the world if no one comments, though. I usually write the stories for myself anyway. But sometimes it would be nice if some did give some feedback. Mostly I get likes, but I wish people would comment more on them. Compared to what other stories get, the other writers get much more reactions to their stories than mine. It feels my stories are not good enough to comment on. Therefore I am jinxed. Sometimes it feels I shouldn’t post any stories online. Why am I wasting my brain on writing fiction if I don’t get any likes or comments anyway? But then why shouldn’t I? I love writing fiction, so why should I stop. It doesn’t matter if someone else gets more. I write stories I want to read. That’s the reason why I do it. It’s great if someone likes them too.

I think I’m jinxed on social media too. Not in most places, but on Instagram, mostly. I won’t take it personally if I don’t get likes to my posts. I think the more you have followers, the more you get likes. I only have 23 followers. I don’t know how many of those are real. I use many hashtags and all that, but still, I get only a few likes. I don’t know how it works. I have this love/hate relationship with Instagram. I’ve had it since 2016, and now I have a newer and better phone too. I guess I can be happy I get at least some likes. I also have a business Instagram, but I don’t have much to put in there. I don’t know if I want to post much in there because I’m a bit paranoid it will go the same as it has with the other account. I don’t know how you can promote your business on Instagram anyway. You can’t even click on links in the posts. You need to go to the profile to see links. Facebook would be much easier for that. It feels like anything I put online; it all disappears into nowhere. Someone must see it because why would I get any likes anyway. At least I get likes from my cousin. I’ve used social media mostly for fun, so I haven’t stopped posting there. Too many people only use it to get likes and followers. I think I wrote in a blog post about Instagram being a popularity contest. I can’t find it now. Anyway, that’s what it is. Getting likes does make a person feel loved, but that feeling doesn’t take long.

Jinxed or not, at least I get to photograph a duck.

I better put the kettle on and repost this since this post didn’t get a single like. I guess I have to like my own posts then. Maybe I jinxed it. Perhaps I should make this blog private. It’s like talking to a wall sometimes. Like on social media, in general. Maybe I should take off the like button altogether. I’m so disappointed right now. So bye bye.

Invisible old blog posts

©Mia Salminen

Today’s word in Ragtag Daily Prompt is, Invisible. I have written about this before, so here are the old posts from my archive. Nothing much has changed since then when it comes to my thoughts.

Inefficient kangarooPublished on
Thinking of my life so far, it has really been very inefficient. I don’t really have anything special to tell the future generations. My biggest achievement is probably staying alive this far. Or I haven’t killed anyone yet. That counts for something, doesn’t it?
Read more here
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invisible stockholmPublished on
There is a song by Queen called ‘The invisible man‘ That’s what I feel but as a woman. I’m an invisible individual that no one seems to care about in real life. Except for my dad. I’m totally fine with that because I don’t want that much attention.
Read more here

 

Published on
This is a sketch from the British comedy show, The Fast Show. I don’t know why the word camouflage reminded me of this. Sometimes it feels like I’m invisible. But in some things, it’s kind of good. I don’t want that much attention from other people.
Read more here

Paint your love all over my world

colourful paint
Made in Canva

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother doing anything. Doing things for yourself is not always enough. You need that certain approval from others. I feel I’m being ignored. No matter what I do I don’t get noticed. I think I’m not good at anything. Maybe it’s silly to feel like I don’t matter because I know I do. My last job proved it. Maybe I’m the only one who thinks I have a talent and I don’t give anyone that wow feeling about the things I do. Sometimes I get ideas but they don’t last very long. Then I just lose motivation. This is what I feel when it comes to design or posting things on social media. If I don’t get many likes to things I do as a hobby, it’s OK because I don’t get paid for it. But if it was something professional it would be a bigger deal. That’s one of the reasons why it’s tough for me to begin with anything on my own.

I got an email from Helsinki Design School where I studied both photography and graphic design, where they asked if any former or current students have become entrepreneurs and how their studies in school have helped them. In the email, there were questions to be answered. One of them was, “At what stage did you start your business?” I still haven’t started even if I had thought about it several times since that school. I thought about starting something during the education but nothing happened. I realised I couldn’t concentrate on two things at the same time. I just didn’t have the strength. Now when I don’t have a job anymore, I could begin with something. But then comes this doubt I’m not good enough. I feel I don’t belong with the other people who do design of some sort. A voice is saying in the back of my head, you’re not good enough to be a designer, stick to your day job. It’s not my mind saying it, it’s what others might think of me. Even in school in Helsinki, I felt others were so much better than me. When I post my work on social media I only get one or two likes. If I’m lucky three. If I don’t get many likes, how will I get clients? There are designers who have much more experience than I have. The competition is so hard so I don’t think I’m not good enough. No employers are lining up behind me either so there is no hope of finding a job in design.

If someone could paint their love all over my world and prove to me I got what it takes, maybe then I would be more confident about the things I do. Not just by one person but by several people. Being an entrepreneur is not only about knowing how to do things, but it’s also getting new ideas which I’m not that good at. I’m not a risktaker so it’s much tougher for me to start anything. Right now there are some personal things going on so I don’t want to think about what to do next.