Tag: The Daily Prompt

What comes natural to you, comes unnatural to me

Mia2 Comments

summerlovinHave anyone said to you how easy it is to do things? How easy it is to become friends with strangers. Easy to learn a new language, play a new instrument etc. For some its second nature but what comes natural to you, comes unnatural to me.

I don’t know how I had friends when I was a child. When I tried to get a new friend as I got older, it felt unnatural. It only feels weird if I talk to people I’ve just met. I never seem to know what to say. I hate starting conversations because I feel its forced and I don’t do anything I don’t feel like doing. Talking about anything is waste of energy. I need a good reason to start a conversation and not because I need to talk to people. People seem to talk about things I really don’t care about. That’s one of the reasons I don’t have any friends. I haven’t found a single person who has the same interest as me. Not even online. I’m also not at the same level most are at my age. Even if I did have a job or somewhere to study, becoming friends with someone is an impossible task. I prefer being by myself because that’s what feels natural to me. Having other people around is good from time to time but me-time is more important. If people only would understand that being social is not about being talkative. I might be quiet but I’m not mute. Maybe I’m just a boring person so no one bothers to get to know me.

Other thing that feels unnatural to me, is marketing my skills. There are 3 questions I especially don’t know what to reply to. Telling about myself, what can I offer to a company and why should I be hired. I’ve tried to write down what I’m good at but I never get much written down. It’s much easier to write down weaknesses. Bragging is not natural in the Finnish culture. We tend to put our skills down instead of praising them. I’m good at many things but nothing I can do perfectly. I haven’t achieved anything I could put in my CV. Writing applications is a pain since I’m not sure if my skills are good enough. For some people it’s easy to know what they want and can do. For them its natural but not for me.

What does feel natural to me is writing fan fiction or blogging. It’s my way to express myself. I might not be the best but I’m good enough to have it as a hobby. I also know it feels natural to photograph. It’s the best when you don’t need to think about technical things and just click away. As soon as I start to think about shutter speed and aperture, it frustrates me. It’s then it doesn’t feel natural. I just can’t that technical stuff stuck in my brain no matter how much I try to practise.
My computer skills feels natural too but that’s because I’ve used it since the 90’s. I’m no computer nerd and I can’t fix it if it breaks. But when it comes to using programs and the internet, that comes naturally to me.

Tallenna

Tallenna

Age is nothing but a number and all that crap

Mia6 Comments

cakeToday it’s my birthday. I’m one year older than yesterday. I still haven’t found my purpose on this planet. Maybe I never find it but that’s OK. I’m not really looking for one either. I’m not expecting any surprises. I’ve never had any positive ones. I’ve never met someone I thought I would never meet. No job opportunity has fallen down my lap. No special achievements to brag about in resumes. Maybe my purpose is not having anything special planned. Maybe not everyone is supposed to have an exciting life. Some must have a boring and calm life.

I don’t mind getting older. That’s something everyone has to go through. But not having achieved much before 40 (almost there) that’s what depressive. As the times goes by, the less I think about birthdays. It’s just one step closer to death. I’m not one of those who are afraid of getting older. That’s something you can’t change. No matter how young you try to look, you still gonna die one day. What’s the point with all the plastic surgeries and wrinkle creams when one day you’ll be gone anyway? Why can’t people just accept of who they are? People are so shallow. It’s Hollywood all over the world soon.

Don’t get me started with age discrimination in work places. If you’re in your 40-ish or 50-ish, they thing you’re passed it but just because you’re getting older doesn’t mean you can’t learn new things. My mother used to say when you’re turning 40 it’s harder to find a job. I couldn’t even get a job in my twenties. But she was right. It will get harder but you should still not give up. I wish I could be as hopeful as I give this advice. I’m just not strong enough to take a risk. I prefer being in my comfort zone. If I try something new, it’s always online. If it’s a movie I haven’t seen before or an online game I haven’t played, that’s as far as risk taking goes. It’s lame but I’ve always been a coward (introversion is one reason)

Age is nothing but a number until an outsider says “you’re too old” It’s OK to get older as long as you stay in your twenties. Luckily no one has never said I was too old. But that day might come sooner or later. Who said you have to achieve something at a certain age? I feel like a looser compared to my age group but I shouldn’t compare them. They are not me. I won’t become depressed if I’ve never get anywhere in life. I’m still here and maybe that’s my purpose. To be here at this moment and this life. Besides there has to be someone who still have some sense in their heads and not acting like a loose cannon. Now there seem to be more selfishness and a me, me culture. The whole world seems to be lost and helpless. If there were more people like me, not trying to brag here, this life would make more sense.

Tallenna