When you’re a person who likes to do more than one thing in their life, narrowing them down is the hardest thing. Sometimes I wish I could narrow my interests, but I’m not that kind of person. I could have achieved so much more if I had only concentrated on a few things. It feels like time is running out, and I don’t have time to do anything. I need to have time to be lazy too. I thought I wanted to be one thing, but my interests got somewhere else. That’s how my life has been. So many choices but so little time. Maybe one of the reasons why I have had so many problems with decisions is that I think the grass is greener on the other side. Perhaps I’ve been too unrealistic with what I’ve wanted to do in my life. It isn’t a lack of support from other people. I subconsciously don’t dare to do things because I’m too scared of failing. Or maybe I’m just too lazy. It can also be like that because I failed many times, so I don’t want to go through it again. I know when you fall, you get up again, but still, I don’t get anything done.
I could have narrowed things down, but I like to be versatile. I never wanted to have an ordinary job, so it was difficult to know what to study. When I finally do, that’s not enough either. The reality is that some people are narrow-minded, even if they might think that they aren’t. Their opinion is that you need to have specific education and a certain amount of job experience to be good enough to be in their little group known as ‘their business’. You need to be a student or have an amount of experience to even get an internship. Neither way, you can’t gain experience if you’re not allowed to practice your skills in a job. I’ve started to believe I’m not meant to be a graphic designer. At Helsinki Design School, where I studied some years ago, I didn’t get the encouragement I expected. I got the assumption that I’m only average compared to the others. One time I got feedback on a poster I made about my city from one of the teachers. I should have done some research, and she wouldn’t have put it on her wall. I know my town, so there is no need for it. I just think she didn’t understand my style. One opinion doesn’t make me believe I’m bad at graphic design. Drawing isn’t my strong point anyway. It makes you think twice, though. It’s the same with photography. I doubt my skills in that too. Seeing other people’s work doesn’t help me either. It’s a little depressing. It makes me think I’m not good enough at anything. It feels like I’m an outcast and don’t belong to this creative business club. Maybe I have wasted my time and life thinking I have what it takes to be a graphic designer. Or any other job where design is concerned.
It’s a positive thing to have knowledge of many things instead of only having one narrow one. Both have a good and a bad side. If you know about many things, it’s also more challenging to choose between them. If you have a narrowed skill, it’s easier to improve that. Either way, both are needed. If there is something you can’t do, there is always someone who can. I only wish someone could have some use for my skills in the workplace, but I guess there isn’t. Too bad for them.
Day 6. My inspiration is not a person but about things. I have people I look up to, but I don’t get inspiration from any of them. I found inspiration in different things in life. I get inspiration from past experiences. Nature is a good inspiration. Sometimes I get them from movies. The only time I get inspiration from a person is when I write fan fiction.
When I don’t get any inspiration, I just let it be. I can’t force it to come out. Sometimes I don’t get any when I write this blog. It can be frustrating when I want to write something, but nothing comes out. Then I just do something else. My inspiration has a life of its own. No person can get it out from me. I don’t want to follow in anyone’s footsteps. I want to walk my own way. Everyone should be the best person they can be. You can get inspiration from a person or different things. As long as you get inspiration because life would be empty without it.
Making up things. Names and things like that. How to explain things to strangers. Telling things about yourself. Trying to remember a song but you don’t remember who it is by. Searching information on Google but not knowing what keyword to use. Trying to get people to like your posts on social media. Especially on Instagram. That is the frustration of different things in life. Maybe not all people get frustrated about the same things. But I’m not writing about them anyway.
What frustrates me the most right now is posting on social media. No matter how many keywords I use, not many people take notice. People post a lot of crap and yet they get really many likes. I never like the same others like. Especially if they’re selfies. The whole keywords thing is stressful. I run out of ideas. It’s the same with this blog. If this wasn’t only a hobby I would be even more frustrated. Instagram should be called Keywordsgram because you need a lot of them. If I had a business I wouldn’t use it as a platform. Maybe only people’s friends like their posts. Instagram in general is a mystery to me. I can only dream about having a lot of followers there. It’s such a pain to write on the phone anyway. I’ve decided I won’t stress about not getting noticed. I post for myself.
Work can be a bit frustrating too. Especially when there are days you have nothing to do. In the end, even the internet is becoming boring. You might think to yourself, is this really worth waking up early for? If it wasn’t for the colleagues I would feel even more bored. If I was offered to continue with this work, I would decline. I don’t think I can take more of this than necessary. It would be nice to have a job where you have something to do every day. At this job, you can’t express yourself the way you want to. There are days when I wish I didn’t have to go anywhere far. I’m always so tired after work so I don’t have the strength to do things I used to. Like writing this blog. But at least I have a job. For now at least.
There can be a lot of frustrating things in life. Things like radio playlists where they play the same songs many times a day. Like the band sand artists only had one song. People leaving no room where you walk. Like the coronavirus didn’t exist anymore. Certain dog people not picking up dog droppings from the ground. Neighbours having loud parties. People leaving electric kickboards in the middle of the sidewalk. Having to repeat yourself to every new person you meet. Especially in a job search. Trying to make up blog titles and how to end blog posts. But you should not let those things get to you. Frustration is only a feeling and it will go away eventually. It will only make you stressed if you have that feeling too long. Focus on something that pleases you and look on the bright side. Things won’t last forever.