My ponder years

person with a question mark
Made in Canva

First of all, I had the flu so I was tired to blog much. I still have some of it left but it’s getting better. Secondly, I’ve been busy doing something else but that’s beside the point.

The job interview I went to last week. I don’t think I got the job because I haven’t heard anything from it. But what else is new. This really has been a ponder year again. When one thing is finished, you should have another plan. I had ponder years before and I always managed to do something. I applied for employment training but no word from that either. I won’t be very disappointed if I don’t get that. I’ve changed my mind about that since I applied. It’s about coding and among other things which I don’t like that much anyway. It’s typical of me to get excited at something but then changing my mind about it. I ponder about different things for a long time before I decide anything. This time I both applied for a job and for the education I mentioned. But now the excitement is gone.

It’s the same with life choices I’ve made. I ponder and then decide but then I realise it’s not something I want to do after all. I want to focus on different things but I get no experience from anything because no one wants to give me the chance. Things you learn in school is not the same as you learn from life. I don’t ponder about why I’m not wanted because it’s not my fault people find me uninteresting. I don’t care what people think of me anyway. I can only be the person I am. I don’t find quilt in what I’ve chosen to study or how to live my life. I haven’t felt any pressure to be something I’m not. A lot of people do things just like that but someone in this world needs to be the ponder one. Problems with people today is that they don’t ponder about things a bit deeper anymore. They run around like they’re pants were on fire. Soon computers do all the thinking and humans walk around like zombies.

Sometimes you need to ponder about things deeper. Especially when it’s about important life decisions. Like something about your future or at least near-future plans. No one can make them for you. Your decisions might not please everyone but you’re not doing it for them anyway. You need to look out for number one, yourself (or your family if you have one) What’s outside that is second importance. Ponder about that.

Bury myself in thought

spades in sandSometimes I bury myself in thought. Especially when it comes to writing fan fiction. When I have an idea, the writing can take days and during them, I get lost in thought. I stay in that state of mind and I might even forget the real life for a while. The fiction is better than reality and I need an escape from that. The fiction could take over if I don’t wake up to reality. I can get lost in my thoughts if it’s a person I’m thinking about or something I’ve seen entertainment wise. My mind goes everywhere at once. It can be stressful at times because I see things from different angles.

There’s more life inside my head than on the outside. I was once told my inside world should show on the outside but that’s impossible. First of all my world inside is impossible to fulfil because it’s not real. Secondly, if my inside world would be outside, no one would follow the script and most of it would be censored. The world just couldn’t handle my mind. You might see some of that world in my fiction but still, it doesn’t give the right idea. I’ll bury those thoughts in my head until the day I die. Or take that to my grave so no one will ever found out. Some thoughts should remain in the vault and never see daylight. Some of my thoughts are getting worse as I get older so it should remain hidden.

Some people want to bury their feelings because they think it’s weak to show emotions. But that’s like denying you’re human. Even if you don’t show emotion, you should at least have respect for others. A smile is never bad and if you had a bad day, you should still be friendly. If you work with clients, you should be able to play nice. I’ve seen a lot of cashiers in the store who doesn’t smile and that puts me right off. They shouldn’t work in a service occupation if they can’t be friendly. Sometimes you need to keep your emotions in check because you don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. But if you bury all your feelings, nothing good will come out of it. So keep smiling because then the world smiles with you.

Advent Calendar, Day 10

tree bark
What is this?

This world is full of questions. Tough questions are the worse. Kids ask stuff. Adults ask stuff. It depends what you’re interested in. Questions never stop. When one question is answered, another question is asked. There are no right or wrong answers unless it’s scientifically proven. Opinions are a different matter. Those are not facts, it’s just a way of thinking.

There are questions no one knows the answer to. One of them is if there’s life after death. No one has lived to see it. We can wish there is something. If we do think there is, then it’s because we want to feel better. It’s easier to move on after someone dies when you think there is. Personally I hope there is a life after this. I don’t know if you can see the earth from heaven. Last night I watched ‘Thor’ and he could see the world from another dimension. In a way it would be kind of cool if our loved ones could see us but on the other hand it would be a bit disturbing. Imagine someone watching us from above when we’re doing something embarrassing. It would be quite creepy too. There’s CCTV for that.

My burning questions has always been, why do some people have more luck than others? Why am I never at the right place at the right time? Why do bad things happen to good people? Someone can live an unhealthy life and yet they get to live until 80 something. But when there’s a person who have exercised, ate the right foods, socialized with others and did everything right. Then they get cancer or another deadly decease. What have they done to deserve that? Why some get more punished than others? Life is unfair but it should be fair to good people. Innocent people should have a great life and bad ones shouldn’t have a life at all. Sometimes it feels what’s the point with life is. We all gonna die eventually so what’s the point? We collect stuff around us and we want to experience things but at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter what we do. We could all be just sitting around and waiting for death. But it would be quite boring if people wouldn’t do anything.

One last question. Why do I write about death in an advent calendar? It should be a happy event. Honestly, I didn’t know what else to write. There is a reason why I don’t blog everyday and it’s because I don’t have much to say. I couldn’t be a blogger all day long even if I would get paid for it. There’s too much pressure to be perfect all the time. I do admire those who do blog for a living. I really do solute you. I’m just not that crazy about blogging that I would want to have it as a job. I let others do the work and I’m just reading them. What if you really could get money by reading blogs all day? That’s a question I bet no one knowns the real answer to.